LeTtErS tO gAmZeE
by sparkylove14
Summary: tHiS iS wHerE yOu CaN aLl uP aNd sEnD mE lEtTeRs AnD aSk Me QuEsTiOns HoNk HoNk :O rated T for language
1. mOtHeRfUcKiN InFo

HeLlO mY mOtHeRfUcKiN tRoLlS

ItS yOuR bRo GaMzEe jUsT cHiLlEn BaCk AnD sLaMiN a MoThErFuCkIn FaYgO

sO I HeAr SoMe Of YaLl wAnNa Up AnD aSk Me SoMe QuEsTiOnS

wElL MoThErFuCkEr YoU hAvE cOmE tO tHe RiGhT pLaCe

IvE bEeN gEtTiN mOtHeRfUcKiN bOrEd HeRe In ThIs VeIl

ItS tImE tO mAkE sOmE mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLeS aNd AlL uP aNd AnSwEr AnY oF yOuR qUeStIoNs

HoNk hOnK

~GaMzEe :O)


	2. fAyGo StAsH

AlRiGhT bRoS I GoT mY fIrSt MoThErFuCkiN lEtTeR

mM wRiTeS

Hiya Gamzee

I was just wondering what your favorite flavor of Faygo would be? Personally, I adore Peach. It seems like I'm always running out of it though. How/Where do you get all of your Faygo? It kinda seems like you have an endless supply hidden somewhere.

Hope you get tons of letters broski! Bye now

-MM

HeHe WeLl To Me EvErY fAyGo Is MoThErFuCkIn SpECiAl iN iTs OwN wAy BuT iF I HaD tO ChOoSe JuSt OnE iT wOuLd Be OrIgiNal ReD pOp ThAt ShIt Is BiTcHtItS wIcKeD yO

aNd As FoR mY mOtHeRfUcKiN sTaSh JuSt ChAlK ThAt OnE uP tO mIrAcLeS bRo

~StAy HoNkIn :O)


	3. bEsTfRiEnD

aLrIgHt My MoThErFuCkIn JuGgAlOs HeRe Is ThE nExT lEtTeR

sHyBoOkWoRm WrItEs

Dear Gamzee,

First off I have to say, you make me wish I were a Capricorn rather than a Libra.

Now for my question, who's your favorite troll or human to hang out with?

wElL iSeNt ThAt SwEeT

iM aLl Up AnD mOtHeRfUcKiN fLaTErEd ThAt YoU wAnNa Be A cApErCoRn

bUt YoU sHoUld Be PrOuD tO bE a LiBrIa

tErEzI iS pReTtY mOtHeRfUcKiN bAdAsS iF yOu AsK mE

aNyWaYs

tO aNsWeR yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiN qUeStIon Id HaVe To SaY mY fAvOrItE tRoLl To ChIlL wItH wOuLd PrObAbLy Be TaVbRo

dOnT gEt Me WrOnG

I LoVe SpEnDiN tImE wItH mY mOiRaiL aNd AlL bUt HeS nOt VeRy GoOd At ThRoWiN dOwN sOmE mOtHeRfUcKiN sIcK bEaTs

pLuS hE yElLs At Me A lOt

bUt ThAtS oK cAuSe HeS mY bEsTfRiEnD aNd I kNoW tHaT hE nEvEr MoThErFuCkIn MeAnS iT :O) hOnK hOnk

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	4. kArKaT

hEy AlL mY mOtHeRfUcKiN bRoThErS aNd SiStErS

sEeMs AlL oF yAlL hAvE tAkIn A lIkIn To My MoThErFuCkIn LeTtErS

iM gLaD iVe GoT sOmE cHilL mOtHeRfUcKiN tRoLlS aNd AlIeNs OuT tHeRe

aLrIgHt NeXt LeTtEr

kItTy WrItEs

Heya Gamzee! Kitty here!

So Gamzee, I was wondering something. How often do you and Karkat have a feelings jam? It must be kinda hard to get that little spitfire of a troll to calm down enough to have a nice feelings jam. Hehe, but that spitfire attitude is what makes me proud to be a cancer!

Tell Karkat I said hi to him! :3

yHeA iTs KiNdA hArD tO gEt ThAt MoThErFuCkEr To TaLk AbOuT hIs FeElInGs

aLwAyS yElLiN aT mE tO cLeAn ThE oVeN aFtEr I mAkE a PiE oR sToP lEaViN hOrNs On ThE sTaIrS

aLl ThAt mOtHeRfUcKeR nEeDs To Do Is CaLm DoWn AnD kIcK bAcK wItH a WiCkEd ElIxEr AnD lEt MiRiCaLs TaKe OvEr :O) hOnK hOnK

bUt WhEn We Do HaVe A fEeLiN jAm ItS aLwAyS mOtHeRfUcKiN sErIoUs

nO cLoWnIn ArOuNd WhEn It CoMeS tO tHaT

aNd AlWaYs Be PrOuD oF yOuR pAtRoN tRoLl No MaTtEr WhAt MoThErFuCkIn BlOoD cOlOr

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)

pS hE sAyS hElLo ReTaRtEd PaWbEaSt

I ThInK hE lIkEs YoU :O)


	5. kArKaT wRiTeS a LeTtEr

wOw NoT eVeN a DaY aNd OvEr 100 vEiWeRs

cElEbRaToRy HoNk TiMe :O)

hOnK hOnK hOnK hOnK hOnK hOnK hOnK hOnK

aLrIgHt KaRkAt WrItEs

GAMZEE,

I TRULY HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHY I'M EVEN WRITING TO YOU, AS I HAVE NOTHING TO ASK THAT COULD EVEN BE RELEVENT TO ANYTHING.

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S A QUESTION.

GAMZEE, WHY THE FUCK AM I TAKING UP MY VALUBLE TIME TO WRITE THIS GOG DAMN LETTER?

WITH AS MUCH SINCERITY AS I COULD POSSIBLY FUCKING MANAGE,

KARKAT.

oH hEy BeStFrIeNd

wE wErE jUsT tAlKiN aBoUt YoU

aNd YoUrE mOtHeRfUcKiN wRiTtIn Me ThIs MiRiCaLe Of A lEtTeR iS cAuSe YoU mIsSeD mE

hElL yOu HaVeNt TuRnEd ArOuNd To SeE mE sCiNcE fIvE mOtHeRfUcKiN mInUeTs AgO

I MiSs YoU bRo

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	6. eRiDaN

aLrIgHt MoThErFuCkErS nExT lEtTeR

eRiDaN wRiTeS

Hey Gam, I wwas wwondering somefin'.

Howw is it that you can stand to be around all those lowwbloods all the fuckin' time? Wwithout them startin' to yell at you at least... I tried to 'hang out' with Nep once, but Eq chased me awway... Cod, I didn't evven do anything wwrong! All I asked for wwas a kiss! Howw do you do it Gam?

aLrIgHt BrO

wHaT yOu NeEd To Do Is TrEaT eVeRyOnE aS a MoThErFuCkIn EqUaL aNd NoT wOrRy AbOuT iF sOmEoNe Is mOtHeRfUcKiN hIgH oR lOw On ThE hEmOsPeCtRuM oR wHeAtHeR oR nOt ThEy LiVe On LaNd

tHaT sHiT iS mOtHeRfUcKiN bArBaReC yO

aS fOr ThE tHiNg WiTh NePeTa

jUsT tRy NoT tO bE sO mOtHaFuCkIn FoRwArD

tRuSt Me I kNoW hOw ThAt WoRkS oUt (sOrRy TaVbRo)

aNyWaYs LeAvE aNy MoThErFuCkIn LeTtErS oR qUeStiOnS iN tHe ReVeIwS :O)

~sTaY HoNkIn :O)


	7. sLoPy MaKeOuTs

hEy MoThErFuCkErS hErEs A sHoRt OnE

hey gam so tavros is my patron troll since you have sloppy make-outs with him what bout me?

uMmM uHhHhH mOtHeRfUcK

sHiT mAn CaNt YaLl BuY a TrOlL a FaYgO oR sOmE sHiT fIrSt

8O|

aNyWaYs

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	8. hEmOsPeCtRuM

yOu MoThErFuCkErS sUrE dO lOvE wRiTtIn ThEsE lEtTeRs HoNk :O)

Hello Gamzee.

I have a question about Troll hierarchy. Since Karkat has pretty candy red blood (sorry, Terezi is my patron Troll. It fits apparently, but I always thought I acted a little more like Karkat.), he is pretty much outside the spectrum, at the very very bottoms whereas people like you, Vriska and Feferi are at the top? I don't mean to insult your race, but that seems like a strange way of doing things, just saying. But, as mentioned, I do not mean to insult you civilization or your way of doing things, I am merely making a point known.

wElL sHiT bRo

I dOnT mOtHeRfUcKiN tHiNk I hAvE aN aNsWeR fOr YoU bRo

I GuEsS iT aLl MoThErFuCkIn HaS tO dO wItH oUr AnCeStOrS aNd HoW mUcH pOwEr We ReAlLy HaVe

I MeAn FeF hAd ToTaL mOtHeRfUcKiN cOnTroL oN wHeAtHeR oR nOt ShE fEd HeR lUsUs AnD uNlEaSh ThE vAsT gLuB

lIkE hOw My AnCeStOr CoUlD uNlEaSh ThE vAsT hOnK

aNd VrIsKiA cAn MoThErFuCkIn MiNpUlAtE pEoPlE wItH hEr MiNd

iVe AlSo HeArD tHaT wHeN iM sObEr I cAn CaUsE sOmE mOtHeRfUcKiN tRoBbLe HoNk HoNk :O) (sOrRy EqUiS aNd NePeTa)

bUt I dOnT bElIvE iN aNy Of ThAt MoThErFuCkIn HeMoSpEcTrUm JuNk :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	9. sTrIdEr

aLrIgHt ThIs MoThErFuCkIn LeTtEr Is JuSt AsKiN fOr It

Yo Gamzee that strider guy said he can spit better rhymes then you by far you gonna take that shit from a motherfuckin heretic?

sO tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR dAvE sAyS hE cAn RhYmE

wElL I ThInK tHiS kIdS jUsT wAsTiN tImE

bRo WiLl NeEd A fAyGo

wHeN wErE dOnE tHiS tAnGo

tHaT dUdE cAn Go StEp On A hUmAn LeGo

hE wAnTs Me To ReSpEcT hIm

hEs NoT oN tHe SpEcTrEm

tHiS gUyS hIgH oN hIs EgO

eVeN hIs MoThErFuCkiN sPrItE cRoW

hE tHiNkS hEs A cOoL kId

bUt He AcTs kInDa STuPiD

hE tHiNkS hE cAn HaTe On My FrIeNdS

aNd TrOlL mY bEsT pAl

wHoSe ThE tRoLl nOw

I GaVe YoUr MoThErFuCkIn BrO lIl CaL

yOu ThInK iTs DuMb WhEn Im hOnKiN

yOu DeSeRvE a MoThErFuCkiN bOnKiN

yOuR rHyMeS aNd CoMiCs ArE lIkE iCp

mOthErFuCkIn LoW cLaSs

yOu ShOuLd Do BeTtEr If yOu GeT yOuR hEaD

oUt Of ThAt PuPpEtS aSs

yOu ThInK oUr RaP wAr iS oVeR

aSk Me To My FaCe WhEn Im SoBeR

yOuRe As DeEp As YoUr ShAdEs

tHiS iS oUr SeSsIoNs GaMe

sO gO aNd TeLl ThAt OnE

tO yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiN dEaD bRo DaVe

dOeS tHaT aNsWeR yOuR qUeStIoN bRo

~sTaY HoNkIn :O)


	10. cOpE

aLrIgHt HeReS a MoThErFuCkIn LeTtEr

gIa WrItEs

Hey Gamzee,

My friend told me a while ago about your adventures and such, and started laughing on the topic of Patron Trolls. I was wondering why, and found out mine is Eridan. To be honest, I'm not too fond of his...

erm...

'tactics' to get a quadrent filled...

(i.e. ask everyone until they go insane)

and since your like, the Wicked Messiah, could you help me 'cope' with this insanity?

-Gia

P.S. My friend's Patron is Karkat, just so you know. :)

aLl YoU nEeD tO mOtHeRfUcKiN dO iS cHiLl AnD sLaM a MoThErFuCkIn FaYgO aNd MayBe A pIe HoNk HoNk :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	11. nEpEtA

gOt SoMe MoThErFuCkIn SwEeT lEtTeRs CoMmIn In HoNk HoNk :O)

:33 Hey Gamz33! I was wondering... Since you and Karkitty are moirails, I was thinking if you could give me some tips on to make him less mad and all. And what kind of stuff does he like or what is he into? I pawsitivly want him to f33l a little red fur me, just a bit. And to do that, I n33d to get to know him. Can you help this little kitty?

P.S Equius wants to have you boss him around more, since you're a highblood and all, and a higher blood than Equius!

oH hEy ThErE sIs :O)

wElL lEt Me GiVe YoU a FeW kArKaT TiPs

hE sEeMeD tO lIkE jAdE mOrE wHeN sHe WaS PiSsEd OfF

tHeY bEcAmE pReTtY gOoD fRiEnDs ThAt WaY

hE aLsO sEcArAtLy LoVeS tO sInG

eSpEcAiLlY wEiRd MoThErFuCkiN bRoAdWaY tUnEs

hEs AcTuAlLy PrEtTy MoThErFuCkIn GoOd HoNk :O)

sO jUsT tRy AnD tAlK tO hIm AgAiN

hEs JuSt MoThErFuCkIn RoUgH ArOuNd ThE EdGeS iS aLl

aNd As FoR eQuIs

aS lOnG aS hE dOeSeNt SwEaT tHiS tImE

lAsT tImE tHe BrO kEpT mOtHeRfUcKiN sWeAtIn A sToRm

iTs LiKe He MoThErFuCkIn GeTs OfF oN tHaT sHiT :O|

aNyWaYs

~ sTaY hOnKin :O)


	12. pS

hEy BrOs

sOrRy I hAvEnT bEeN aLl Up AnD mOtHeRfUcKiN wRiTtIn BaCk In A fEw DaYs

I FeLl AsLeEp AnD wHeN I WoKe Up It WaS mOtHeRfUcKiN tOdAy :O/

hOnK

aNyWaYs NeXt LetTeR

Hello again Gamzee,

Thank you so much for writing back about my coping, and well I have chilled and slept for about 12 hours (my version of chilling) and tried to get a Faygo but the website wouldn't send me an email back on store locations, and well...I still feel crappy about my Patron Troll.

Any more advice Wicked Messiah?

-Gia

P.S. My mom is a Capricorn! (and she's nice just like you!)

P.P.S. You never had or mentioned a rule against multiple questions, but it's totally okay if you don't want to respond to uphold such a rule.

P.P.P.S. Is this even how you do multiple P.S.'s? I honestly don't think it is, maybe its just the S...it's a human thing.

*Facedesk* I'm going overboard aren't I. I so am. I'm just going to stop now. *Walks away from computer*

*Walks back*

Shit I have to submit this insanly long question(s?).

*Submits*

aW iM sOrRy YoU hAvE sUcH a ShItTy PaTrOn TrOlL

cA: wwah nobody loves me! neh!

jUsT iGoNoRe ThAt MoThErFuCkEr :O|

aNd I HeArD On EaRtH tHeY uSuAlLy SeLl ThE wIcKeD eLiXeR iN sOmE gAs StAtIoN cAlLeD mArAtHoN oR sOmE sHiT

aNd Im AlL uP aNd MoThErFuCkIn FlAtTeReD tHaT yOuR mOtHeR iS a CaPeRcOrN lIkE mE aNd YoU fInD mE aLl Up AnD nIcE :O)

bY tHe WaY

wHaTs A mOtHeR :O?

lIsTeN I dOnT cArE hOw MaNy LeTtErS yOu SeNd JuSt StOp YoUr MoThErFuCkIn Ps'In On Me

iTs StArTiN tO fReAk Me OuT

lIkE i CaNt MoThErFuCkIn HaNdLe AlL yOuR pS

iM mOtHeRfUcKiN dRoWnIn In Ps OvEr HeRe :O(

aNd I dO hAvE sOmE mOrE wIcKeD aDvIcE

yOu WanNa KnOw WhAt It Is

~kEeP mOtHeRfucKiN hOnKiN :O)


	13. tHe FoUrTh WaLl

hEy MoThErFuckErS

tImE fOr An UpDaTe HoNk :O)

HEY I'M FUCKIN' BORED SO I GUESS I WOULD WRITE YOU SOMETHING?

WELL I GUESS I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS, FIRST OF ALL ITS SUMMER SO I'M FUCKING BORED OUT OF MY MIND. WHAT RETARDED THINGS DO YOU THINK ME AND MY FRIEND CAN DO WITH OUT GETTING INTO TRUBLE?

SECOND WHAT THE FUCK IS THE 4TH WALL. I HAVE NO CLUE AND REALLY NEED TO KNOW. I COULD ASK THE FUCKING INTERNET BUT I FIGURED I WOULD ASK YOU.

THEIRD MY MOTHER FUCKING GIRL FRIEND KEEPS BITING ME AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHY! OKAY THAT WASN'T REALLY A QUESTION BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK SHE WANTS ,

FROM BLOODLUST

wElL wItHoUt GeTtIn InTo TrOuBlE

yOu CaN aLwAyS sLaM a FaYgO

oR mAkE a PiE

hAvE sLoPpY mAkEoUtS wIth YoUr BeStBrO (hOnK hOnK ;O))

yOu CoUlD aLwAyS hAnG wItH yOuR mOiRaIl

rIdE oN yOuR oNe WhEeL dEvIcE

or go insane

AND DRAW PICTURES WITH YOUR FRIENDS BLOOD

Honk :O)

HONK :O)

oR yOu KnOw WhAtEvEr MoThErFuCkIn FeElS rIgHt

oK tHe FoUrTh WaLl Is ThIs MoThErFuCkIn DeViCe ThAt YoU lOoK tHrOuGh To SeE aN aLtErNaTe UnIvErSe AnD iF gEtS MoThErfuCkIn BrOkEn It-

aH: Ok, I will not let any character of mine truly know what the fourth wall is and how to use it!

aH: Time to IMPROVISE!

tC: wHo ThE mOtHeRfUcK aRe YoU :O?

aH: IMPOVISE!

-aH beats tC severely with a chair-

aH: You just got Hussie'd BITCH!

aH: And as for BLOODLUST, ever heard of google? You should try it.

-aH stopped trolling… well… everyone reading this-

oH jEgUs

wHaT tHe FuCk JuSt HaPpEnEd

pRoBbAlY jUsT fElL aSlEeP aGaIn HoNk :O)

wElL tO aNsWeR yOuR lAsT qUeStIoN

iM nOt ReAlLy SuRe WhAt A gIrLfRiEnD iS

sOrRy BrO :O(

iS iT lIkE a MoThErFuCkIn MoIrAiL :O?

cAuSe MiNe AlL uP aNd MoThErFuCkIn BiTeS mE aLl ThE tImE

uSuAlLy He JuSt WaNtS mE tO sToP sQuEeZiN hIs ArSe

bUt A bRoThEr CaNt HeLp It

iTs JuSt So MoThErFuCkIn FiRm HoNk :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	14. sLiMe TrIpS

aLrIgHt My BrOtheRs AnD sIsTeRs

nEw ChApTeR :O)

Yo Gamzee what are the best and worst slime trips youve ever had? It's ok to tell we've all had them before.

wElL fIrSt OfF lEt Me SaY tHeRe HaS nEvEr BeEn A bAd SmIlE tRiP

i LiVe OnE eVeRy MoThErFuCkIn DaY

wElL bRo My BeSt OnE hAs To Be ThE tImE i RoDe On ThE bAcK oF a TrOlL bRuCe WiLlIs AnD cArRoT sPrItE wHiLe HaViN a FeElIngS jAm WiTh OnE oF tHe SaLaMaNdErS anD wAtCh A bAg Of DoRiToS rIdE oFf InTo ThE sUnSeT

mAn ThAt WaS a MoThErFuCkIn SwEeT dAy HoNk:O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	15. kIsS

hErEs AnOtHeR mOtHeRfUcKiN qUiCk OnE hOnK :O)

no gamzee i will not sTaY hOnKiN all i want is a kiss

uMmMmM… uHhH

iM nOt Uh..

hAvE wE mOtHeRfUcKiN mEt? 8O?

uMmM

~sTaY HoNkIn :O?


	16. oNe ThOuSaNd

hEy MoThErFuCkErS

jUsT wAnTeD aLl Up AnD tHaNk EvErYoNe oF yOu JuGgAlOs AnD cLoWnS rEaDiN tHiS sHiT

tHiS iNtErAcTiVe LeTtEr FiC wRiTtEn By Me

tHe MaSsIaH oF mIrIcAlEs

gAmZeE mOtHeRfUcKiN mAkArA

wE hAvE gOtTeN oVeR oNe tHoUsAnD vEiWs HoNk :O)

yOu KnOw wHaT i SaY tO tHaT :O?

mOtHeRfUcKiN

mIrIcAlEs

hOnK :O)

eVeRyOnE hAvE a MoThErFuCkIn FaYgO oN mE

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	17. pOeM

aLrIgHt SeRiOuS lEtTeR tImE BOl

Heya Gamzee! It's me again! I've got a question for ya.

So, I've had this MASSIVE flush crush on a friend of mine for a while now, and I've finally worked up the courage to go ahead and confess my red feelings for her! Do you have any suggestions as to the best way to confess? I would drown in miracles if I could get her to be my matesprite! XD Maybe I'll give her a bottle of faygo with a note attached?

Oh, and by the way! I tried faygo for the first time the other day! ...O_o I think I fainted from the sheer amount of miracles dripping from it.

aWw yOuNg AlEiAnS iN lOvE

sOuNdS lIkE sOmE wEiRd MoViE kArKaT wOuLd WaTcH

aNyWaY yOu HaD a MoThErFuCkIn GoOd IdEa WiTh ThE nOtE oN tHe FaYgO

mAkE sUrE iTs ReDpOp FaYgO

dOnT eVeN tRy To RePlAcE iT wItH cOlA

tHe FaYgO nEeDs To Be As ReD aS yOuR fEeLiNgS bRo

aLsO

gIvE tHaT bItCh A mOtHeRfUcKiN pOeM

bItChEs LoVe MoThErFuCkIn PoEmS hOnK :O)

wRiTe SoMeThInG lIkE

" yOuR eYeS aRe LiKe TwO pAnS oF sOuPoR pIe

bOtH fUlL oF mIrIcAlEs AND dElIcOuS"

cG: NO FUCK ASS, YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT HER LIPS, NOT HER EYES.

oH yHeA

"aNd YoUr LiPs ArE aS rEd aS tHe BlOoD iN a PeSaNtBlOoDs VeInS"

aC: :33 ohhhhhhhh and talk about kitties! Girls love kitties!

yHeA tHeY dO

"aNd I wIlL gIvE yOu A cAt FoR eVeRy BiRtHdAy"

cG: NO THEY DON'T YOU BORDER-LINE AUTISTIC FELINE.

aG: Nubby-nooks is right, girls *LOVE* spiders! ;:::)

cG: NO. YOU LOVE SPIDERS.

"aNd YoUr CaTs WiLl Be FuLl oF sPiDeRs"

tA: the ladie2 2eem to love my 'double dong2' heh heh

"i HaVe TwO dOnGs-"

gA: Sollux, That Is Completely Inappropriate. Everyone Knows Girls Love Fashion!

"tHaT mAtCh YoUr ShOeS-"

gUyS tHiS iS gEtTiNg WeIrD…

cG: GOG DAMMIT, JUST GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUT HER HUMAN-LIPS!

gC: NO!NO! NOW T4LK ABOUT H3R TOUNG3! :]

"yOuR tOuNgE iS aLwAyS nIcE aNd WeT-"

cG: NO DON'T PUT THAT IN THERE! THAT'S WEIRD! TEREZI, WHAT THE HELL?

uMmM oK…

"yOuR tOuNgE iS aLwAyS nIcE aNd WeT-"

gC: W3LL 1 WOULD H4V3 GOTT3N 4 L4DDY BON3R 1F SOM3ON3 WOULD OF S41D TH4T TO M3! ;P

tA: terezi, I don't even think human2 girl2 can get boner2

aT: uM, tALK ABOUT HER SMILE,

"yOuR sMiLe Is LiKe-"

cC: o)()()()()()(! talk about cuddl-E fis)(! t)(-Ey'r-E r-E-Ely cut-E! 38D

aA: i've seen that humans l0ve t0 mate. talk ab0ut mating.

"cUdDlE fIsH mAtInG wItH-"

cT: D- and hoofbeasts, highb100d, don't forget the hoofbeasts

"uH hOoFbEaStS…"

aT: eW,,,,,,,, hES SWEATING ON ME

aC: :33 equis! what did I say about purrrspiring in public!

gA: (Hmmm Should I Be Auspicing Between Them Or….?)

gUyS cAn YoU sToP fIgHtInG :O?

cC: -EWWWWW! t-Er-Ezi! stop licking m-E!

gC: BUT YOU T4ST3 L1K3 BUBBL3GUM! :]

cG: TEREZI YOU MORON! SHE SAID GET OFF!

gUys I tOlD yOu To MoThErFuCkIn StOp

aG: This 8lows! I am soooooooo out of here!

-aG left the party-

gUys CaN yOu MoThErFuCkIn StOp NoW

tA: yhea 2he2 right, common aa, let2 go

aA: 0k.

-tA and aA go left somewhere to make out-

gUyS

cG: STOP BITING HER!

guys

aT: aHHHH, gET HIM OFF OF ME,

GUYS IM SOBER

-the rest of the gang left immediately to go shit their pants-

mAn ReAlLy

hAvIn To ReSoRt To MoThErFuCkIn ViOlEnCe

oH wElL i StIlL lOvE mY fRiEnDs HoNk :O)

cA: noww talk about her body

EXCEPT FOR YOU AMPORA

-cA left because he was pushed out a window-

aHhHh

tHaTs BeTtEr

sEe ThIs Is WhY _i _Do ThE lEtTeRs HoNk :O)

sO tHe PoEm YoU wRiTe ShOuld SoUnD a LiTtLe SoMeThInG lIkE tHiS:

yOuR eYeS aRe LiKe TwO pAnS oF sOuPoR pIe

aNd YoUr LiPs ArE aS rEd aS tHe BlOoD iN a PeSaNtBlOoDs VeInS

aNd I wIlL gIvE yOu A cAt FoR eVeRy BiRtHdAy

aNd YoUr CaTs WiLl Be FuLl oF sPiDeRs

i HaVe TwO dOnGs

tHaT mAtCh YoUr ShOeS

yOuR sMiLe Is LiKe

cUdDlE fIsH mAtInG wItH

hOoFbEaStS

sO gIvE tHiS tO tHe GiRl Of YoUr DeAmS aNd YoUlL bE sUrE tO gEt HeR iN yOuR qUaDrEnTs HoNk :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	18. sOuPoR sLiMe

hEy MoThErFuCkErS

nEw MoThErFuCkIn ChApTeR

Hi Gamzee!

So I've heard in one of your letters that red pop is your favorite Faygo flavor! It is also my favorite, too! Have you ever tried moon mist Faygo? Those are pretty good, too! Also, how do you get your hair to look the way it is? It's really cool!

oF cOaRsE iVe TrIeD mOoN mIsT

i HaVe StOcK pIlEs oF fLaVoRs ThEy HaVeNt ReLeAsEd YeT

aNd As FoR mY hAiR

wElL

sOuPoR sLiMe DoEs MoRe ThAn TaStE gOoD aNd KeEp YoU cOoL wHiLe YoU sLeEp

iT cAn AlSo Be UsEd As StYlInG gEl

fLoOr ClEaNeR

dEsErT tOpPiNg

sHoE pOlIsH

lUbE

bArBeQuE sAuCe

aNd

_mOrE!_

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	19. pIe

hEy BroThErS aNd SiStErS

nEw LeTtEr HoNk :O)

tHe TrUe SeEr Of TiMe WrItEs

Hi Gamzee :)

I'm just curious have you ever put faygo in your pies? And how and when did you start making the pies?

hEhEhEhE

oF cOaRsE i PuT fAyGo In My PiEs

tHeYrE fUlL oF mIrIcAlEs HoNk :O)

aNd I gUeSs I sTaRtEd MaKiN mY pIeS wHeN I WaS aRoUnD tWo SwEePs OlD

tHaTs WhEn I wOuLdNt SeE mY gOaTdAd FoR oVeR a LuNaR cYcLe…

hE wAs NeVeR aRoUnD sO…

i JuSt StArTeD tO tRy To FeEd MySeLf…

mAyBe If My LuSuS wAs AcUtAlLy ThErE…

i WoUlDnT oF eNdEd Up LiKe ThIs…

lIkE a..

monster…

~stay…honkin…


	20. hAcKeRs

hApPy NeWs FrOm KiTtY-iN-tRaInInG

Hey Gamzee! It's me again! Guess what! I took your advice about the poem and the note with the faygo, and IT WORKED! She's my matesprite now, and I couldn't be any happier! :33 Thanks so much for that! She say's hi, by the way!

Oh, and since we're on the topic of matesprites, I wanted to ask you. Who do you see as a potential matesprite? Do you know anyone that might have a flush crush on YOU? I'm curious!

wWeLl I hAvVe HaD aN eYe FoR a CeRtAiN sEa DwWeLlEr

yOu PrObBaBlY hEaRd Of HiM

hEs A pReTtY bIg DeAl YoU kNoWw?

hIs NaMe Is ErIdAn AmPoRa

hE iS sOoOoO fUcKiN hOt

i WwAnT hIm As My MaTeSpRiTe

aNd HiS cApE mAkEs My BoDy AcHe FoR hIs LiPs

aNd I tOuCh My- sagkFHDGSHFLDBjbujugdhgd

eridan

WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK DO YOU THINK YOURE DOIN

on my

MOTHERFUCKING COMPUTER?

cA: oh hey gam I wwas jus-

you were

WHAT?

cA: uhhhh I wwas just…

i cant wait

TO MOTHERFUCKING DECAPITATE YOU

-cA pissed himself and throws himself out the window-

mOtHeRfUcKeR tHiNkS hE cAn UsE mY cOmpUtEr

hAvIn To KeEp ThReAtIn HiM iS a ChOrE

aS fOr MaTeSpRiTeS

iD rAtHeR kEeP yOu GuEsSiN ;O)

aNd I dO kNoW tHiS oNe TrOlL WhO nEvEr StOpS tHiNkInG aBoUt Me

tAvBrO jUsT lAyS tHeRe EvErY nIgHt

wAnTiN mE tO hOlD hIm TiGhT iN mY sTrOnG aRmS

dYiNg JuSt To KiSs My SwEeT lIpS

mAN,,, hACKING SURE IS A PAIN };)

~kEEP ROLLIN,,, uH I MeAn HoNkIn ;O)


	21. fAyGo EmErGeNcY

mOtHeRfUcKiN lEtTeR tImE

Dear Gamzee,

Hi! I'm a Capricorn too! :D I wanted to say that your awesome and I have a problem I wanted your advice on... So... I have flushed feelings for a certain guy... But he sees me as more of a 'bro' to him. Gamzee what do I do? Oh and there is only one place here that sells Faygo, and well... They stopped selling them... IM DYING!

sam-makes-pancakes

I HeArD aBoUt YoUr CrY fOr HeLp

yOu ShOuLd Be ReCiViNg TwEnTy BoTtTlEs Of FaYgO iN tHe MaIl

sHoUlD lAsT yOu TiLl nExT sUnDaY

aNd wElL iF yOu rEaLlY wAnT tHiS gUy In YoUr QuAdReNtS yOu NeEd To MoThErFuckIn FlIrT

nO sHoOsH pApS

cOmEs OfF aS mOrIaLiGenCe

oFfEr ThEm SlOpY mAkEoUtS

mAyBe EvEn FaYgO oR pIe

tElL hIm He HaS lOvLy MoThErFuCkIn HoRnS

aNd fAlL aSlEeP wItH hIm In HiS wHeElChAiR :O) 3

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	22. hElLo

nExT lEtTeR

oh my gog, Hay Gamzee!

I just want to start off by saying your awesome, and that my friend is head over heels flushed red for you X3 I have my eyes set on a different one ;) but anyway, thats not the point! i wanted to say, well, pretty much just hi! X3 and to tell you to say hi to everyone else for me!

dOeS tHiS fRiEnD hApPeNeD tO bE pArAlYzEd HoNk? :Oo

iF sO

tElL hIm To MoThErFuCkIn PeStEr Me ;O)

I SaY mOtHeRfUcKiN hElLo :O)

gC: NOM YOUR T3XT T4ST3S L1K3 L1COR1C3 :]

tA: 2up a22hole

aC: :33 *ac pounces on new furend* hello :33

cC: )(-Ello! i am -EXCITED to meet you! Glub glub 38D

cG: HEY FUCKASS.

gA: Hello Human.

aT: uHHH, hELLO THERE ]:)

aG: Heeeeeeeey human weakling ::::)

cA: love me!

aA: hell0

cT: D- STRONG hello human low b100d scum

gOg I hAvE wEiRd FrIeNdS hOnK

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	23. fAnTrOlLs

mOtHeRfUcKiN uPdAtE :O)

hey..

rEnt yoU..

th t gUy..

terMin llYc priCious?.

Re you Still On th t Hum n sOci l nEtworK?.

f cebOok?.

yoU h venT been ReplyIng to NythiNg nybOdy s yS..

lso yOure nEver oN trolLi n nyMore eIther; Why is Th t?.

heY; lso i Think I shouLd telL you lIttle Bout mYself..

Oh..

d*mn It..

oh nO..

oh f*Ck its H ppenIng g iN..

#A#A#A IM BAK F*K£R$..

AND T#I$ TIM£ ¥UR£ A77

& NNA

F*KIN&

DI£..

¥U WANT $M£ #£7P?.

I AN #£7P..

I AN F*KIN& #£7P ¥U..

$ T#INK ABUT IT F*K£R..

D ¥U WANNA DI£?.

N?.

W£77 T F*KIN& BAD TH£N..

B£AU$£ F*K£R

$M£DA¥ ¥U F*KIN& WI77..

AND IF ¥UR£ NT V£R¥ 7UK¥

¥UR£ &NNA DI£

R£A7 SN F*K£R..

R£A7

F*KIN&

SN..

MA¥B£ ¥U77 B£ A$ PARANID A$ M£ F*K£R..

MA¥B£

A$ PARANOId

As Me..

BUt

JUSt

MAYBe

YOULl

FINd

YOUr

STRENGTHs

ANd

SURVIVe..

MAYBe YOu

BUt

NEVEr Me..

i onlY h ve fEw morE sweePs tO live..

Sh*t..

iM the oNly f*Ckin sKybloOd lefT!.

not m Ny peoPle evEn knoW wh t tHe f*cK skybLood iS nymoRe..

w supPosed To do?.

i Dont tHink i Even h Ve a drE m selF..

everYthinG is h pPeninG so quIckly..

Nd theRes giRl im flUshed For..

buT i donT w nt hEr to kNow

or W nt heR to knOw bouT my diSe se

bEc use

Fter mY luck R n out She woUld-

i jUst thInk it Would Be betTer if She diDnt knOw..

lso

I dont Think She reTurns My feeLings..

D*mn it

ShoulD i jusT-

do yoU thinK m ybe You coUld teLl me wH t i shOuld dO

you kNow

beFore

i

?.

intricateIcicle (Xephyr Rhymek)

aNd A sEcOnD pArT tHaT gOeS wItH iT

oh man, jeez gamzee, i'm sorry about that last letter i wrote

all the "at", "yen", "pound", and "degrees" signs didn't show up! oh well, it's still probably readable.

and maybe it shows up on the desktop site, idk

…

uMmM

gOg

FANTROLLS

FANTROLLS MOTHERFUCKIN GALORE!

hOnK

sOrRy

aS fOr YoUr QuEsTiOn

yOu NeEd HeLp FiRsT

dOnT mOtHeRfUcKiN eNd Up LiKe Me

~StAy HoNkIn :O)


	24. tRoLl LoVe

sO mAnY mOtHeRfUcKiN uPdAtEs :O)

:33 Hey Gamz33 it's me again! The advice you gave me worked! So thank you very much! But here's the thing... I have a few questions... What's with him and romance movies? He doesn't try to be romantic and all and he doesn't s33m like that kind of guy! And do you know his relationship with that John human? Why is he suddenly nicer to purrezi? I-I'm sorry Gamz33, I'm asking too much!

P.S Equius says he can't really help it. But anyways, can you purrty please help him with his milk? Oh and by the way... I kind of accidentlty gave Karkitty some faygo...He fainted and kept muttering something...S33med dizzy...Is that supposed to happen?

iM gLaD iT wOrKeD fOr YoU hOnK :O)

hE hAs KiNd Of A wEaKnESs FoR tHeM

yOu ShOuLd MoThErFuCkIn GeT hIm OnE

hE tRiEs To HiDe HiS mOtHeR fUcKiN fEeLiNs CaUsE hEs AfRaId He WiLl CrY oR bLuSh AnD pEoPlE wOuLd KnOw HiS bLoOd CoLoR

tHaTs WhY hEs NiCeR tO tErEzI cAuSe ShE cAn MoThErFuCkIn SmElL hIs BlOoD cOlOr AnD hE dOeSeNt WaNt HeR tO tElL

aS fOr JoHn

hE wAs ThE fIrSt AnD lAsT pErSoN hE tRoLlEd

sO tHeY hAvE sOmE sOrT oF bRo BoNd

aS lOnG aS tHaT mOtHeRfUcKeR dOeSeNt StEaL mY mOiRaIl iM fInE wItH hIm :O)

aNd TeLl EqUiS tHaT a BrO dOeSnT hAvE tO wOrRy

iLl AlL uP aNd HeLp HiM wItH hIs MiLk

aNd IlL bE oVeR sHoRtLy To PaP mY bEsT fRiEnD aWaKe HoNk

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	25. sTaRs

i MoThErFuCkIn LoVe AlL oF yOu HoNk :O)

Heeeeeeeeeeeya Gamzee! I'm back once again! This sending letters to you is getting really popullar huh? XD Glad to see that you're a success! Well, anyway I'm here on behalf of my lovely matesprite(thanks again for that!) to ask you a question that's been on her mind. What do you think of stars? There are so many of them whenever you look up, how do you think that they got there? Do you think that maybe...the stars are the souls of Trolls and Humans that have passed away or otherwise died? That'd be really cool if that was! So even if someone close to you died, they'd still be there!

yOuRe WeLcOmE

iT sEeMs ThAt YoU aLl Up AnD cArE fOr EaTcHoThEr A WhOlE lOt HoNk HOnK :O)

i FiNd ThE sTaRs To Be MoThErFuCkIn MiRiCaLeS

i ThInK oUr SoUlS ARE sTaRs

tHaT wAy

wHeN oUr TiMe Is MoThErFuCkIn uP

tHe StAr DiEs

aNd WhEn ThE sTaR dIeS

iT aLl Up AnD tUrNs InTo A sHoOtIn StAr

rElEaSiN sPeCiAl StAr DuSt To GrAnT pEoPlEs WiShEs

mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrIcAlEs :,O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	26. tWo ThOuSaNd

hEy AlL mY bOtHeRs AnD sIsTeRs :O)

wE hAvE mOtHeRfUcKiN sUrPaSsEd OvEr TwO tHoUsAnD vEiWs

lEtS aLl GiVe HoNkS tO aLl My MoThErFuCkIn FaItHfUlL vEiWeRs WhO hAvE fAvOrItEd AnD hAvE mY lEtTeRs On AlErT

sO eVeRyOnE gIvE hOnKs To ThOsE wHo HaVe MoThErFuckIn FaVoRiTeD:

Awesomesauseinabottle

Bl00dLu2t

Darkluvumbreon

gia monic

Marred Makara

sam-makes-pancakes

wonderfulwonderwolf

XxNepetaRainbowAkemixX

YAYfanfics101

aNd My MoThErFuCkIn ReAdErS wHo AlL uP aNd HaVe Me On AlErT:

Bella Pilgrim

Bl00dLu2t

FlickingWalruses

Kira The Dead Ninja

MusicallyCapricious

Owlfur

Sadistserpent

Shybookworm

XxNepetaRainbowAkemixX

hOnKs To YoU aLl :O)

~sTaY HoNkIn :O)


	27. kIsSiS

mOtHeRfUcKiN lEtTeR tImE :O)

Oh wow, I feel the overwhelming need to sequel X3 meh, i did anyway! X3 and Alright Eridan, i shall love you XD your one of my fave trolls anyway ;) and thank you everyone for the hello back! X3 Sorry Gamzee, My friend is not in a wheelchair, she is very much able to walk XD hope ya don't mind if i ask for a mini shout out to her anyway .

yOu CaN mOtHeRfUcKiN tAkE hIm

aNyWaYs

hElLo To ThIs ReAdErS mOtHeRfUcKiN fRiEnD

iM aLl Up AnD fLaTtErEd ThAt YoU fEeL rEaD fOr mE

i WoUlD aLl Up AnD oFfEr SlOpPy MaKeOuTs BuT

iM aFrAiD wE wOnT mOtHeRfUcKin mEeT :O/

sO iNsTeAd I wIlL dO a HuMaN eXpReSsiOn AnD mOtHeRfUcKiN bLoW yOu A kIsS

*mWaH* ;O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	28. fAyGo CoNtEnTs

mAn AlL yOu GuYs AlL uP aNd MaKe Me SmIlE :O)

Dear Gamzee,

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MY MOTHERFUCKING FAYGO! I Am so damn happy! :D anyway, I have a question about Faygo, I know it's fucking miracles in every bottle but, are there any other ingredients? I'm proud to has you as my patron troll Gamzee!

sam-makes-pancakes

aWwW

yOuRe WeLcOmE hOnK hOnK :O)

aNd ThE cOnTeNtS oF fAyGo Is ThE fOlLoWiNg:

mIrIcAlEs

sPeCiAl StAr DuSt

sUgAr

nIcOtInE

aNd MoRe MiRiClEs

hOnK hOnK :O)

aNd Im HaPpY tO hAvE yOu As OnE oF mY mAnY pAtRoN hUmAnS :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	29. tAlK sHoW

aLl Of yOu ArE jUsT sO mOtHeRfUcKiN fLaTtErInG hOnK :O)

Hey Gamzee, here's my question, have you ever thought about a talk show, cuz if u had one it would be pretty bad ass :D way better than fucking oprah :P

P.S. RANDOM SHIIIIIIIT AHSGIOHTAIhauthsu cuz im weird like that

mAn If I hAd A mOtHeRfUcKiN tAlK sHoW iTd Be SoMeThIn LiKe ThIs:

NOW ALL YOU FUCKERS GET READY FOR TROLLPRAH!

I SAID CLAP YOU WORTHLESS SCUM BAGS

*clapping noises*

nOw ToDaY wE wIlL bE tAlKiNg To TrOlL tOm CrUiSe AbOuT hOw MoThErFuCkIn ReD hE iS fOr TrOlL jOhN tRoLlvOlTa

bUt FiRsT lOoK uNdEr YoUr SeAtS aNd YoUlL fInD tHaT i HaVe GiVeN yOu AlL yOuR oWn SoPuR pIE :O)

*crowd cheers*

aNd YoU gEt A pIe!

aNd YoU gEt A pIe!

eVeRyOnE gEtS a MoThErFuckIn PiE! :O)))))

oR mAyBE lIkE tHiS

TODAY ON DR. PHILLZEE

WE FIND OUT WHY ERIDAN IS SO GOD DAMN PATHETIC!

*claps*

nOw ErIdAn

wHy ArE yOu So PaThEtIc :O?

-cA holds up bucket-

lovve me 8C

oR mAyBe SoMeThIn LiKe ThIs:

TODAY ON THE DR. HONKZ SHOW

iLl ShOw YoU hOw FaYgO jUsT mIgHt Be ThE cUrE fOr TrOlL AIDS

aNd

cHaLk: nOt A fOoD oR iS gC oN tO sOmEtHiNg :O?

oR fUcK

mAyBe LiKe ThIs

NOW ON THE GAMZEE DEGENEROUS SHOW

GAMZEE!

*claps*

hEy AlL mY bRoThErS aNd SiStErS

tOdAy OuR sPeCaIl GuEsT iS tRoLl ShIa LaBoUf

aNd WeRe GoNnA tAlK aBoUt HiS rEcEnT cAnIbAlIsTiC rAmPaGe

bUt FiRsT

wE dAnCe! :O)

sO yHeA iTd Be KiNdA lIkE tHaT

hOnK hOnK :O)

oH aNd Ps

pUeDo PuTa MaDrE hAbLaN eSpAñOl

tOcAr La BoCiNa ToCaR lA bOcInA :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	30. mY fAcE

mAn YoU mOtHeRfUcKeRs WrItE qUiCk :Oo

Yo Gamz. Just wanna up n all say I adore you. Can i touch your face? :3

Also, give my greetings Miss Terezi and Mr Eridan c:

aWwW

iF yOu ReAlLy WaNnA tOuCh My FaCe JuSt MoThErFuCkIn Be CaReFuL

yOu MiGhT aLl Up AnD mOtHeRfUcKiN gEt MaKeUp On YoUr HaNd BrO :O/

aNd As FoR tHe OtHeRs

cA: please lovve me! Wwill you fill buckets wwith me? or at least be in my quadrents?

-gC shoves cA down-

gC: 3R1D4N! J3GUS GR1ST YOUR3 SO RUD3 SOM3T1M3S!

gC: NO ONE W4NTS TO F1LL BUCK3TS W1TH YOU!

gC: NO ON3!

gC: 4ND GOG WH4T 1S W1TH TH3S3 HUM4NS 4ND TH3 L1COR1C3 T3XT!

gC: TH3 OTH3R HUM4NS US3D D1FF3R3NT COLOR3D T3XT, WHY DONT TH3Y?

gC: BUT 1LL L3T TH1S ON3 SL1D3 C4S3 TH3Y C4LL3D M3 M1SS ;]

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	31. kIsMiSsIsS

mOrE mOtHeRfUcKiN lEtTeRs :O)

Hey Gamzee!

I happen to be a Capricorn (represent!) and I was hoping for some advice from my faygo-tastic patron troll. :) How do you tell your matesprite that you want to be in a blacker quadrent without sounding like Karkles?

As always, your a miricle to our humble little human-dweling planet.

Keep Calm and Drink Faygo

-Little Miss Zy :D

aW yHeA

mOrE mOtHeRfUcKiN cApRiCoRnS

wElCoMe To ThE cLuB bRO

hOnK hOnK :O)

wElL

tHiNk LoNg AnD hArD

dO yOu TrUlY HATE tHiS pErSoN :O?

aNd If YoU rEaLlY dO

i WoUlD hOnEsTlY yElL aT tHeM oR pUsH tHeM aRoUnD

bUt DoNt AlL uP aNd KiLl ThEm

oR iF yOu FeEl YoU cAnT dO tHaT

tAkE eM oN a MoThErFuckIn HaTe DaTe

bUt No MaTtEr WhAt

gIvE a FoRcEfUlL aNd DoMiNaNt KiSs

sHoW tHeM yOu Do HaVe FeElInGs ToWaRd ThEm

bUt JuSt NoT rEd

aNd If YoU fEeL lIkE yOu CaNt Do ThAt EtHiEr

tHeN jUsT tElL tHeM yOu WaNt To Be tHeIr KiSmIsSiSs

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)

pS

iM a FaN oF yOuR hUmAn Dr WhO sHoW

tHaT sHiT iS bItChTiTs WiCkEd Yo

sO mOtHeRfUcKiN sWeEt ReFeReNcE bRo ;O)


	32. hUgS

hOnk :O)

Thanks for shout outing my friend x3, this is what she told me to tell you:

Gah! Hi Gamzee! 3 My friend told me to read your blog and that you gave me a shout out! So I read it and I went squee because I feel red for you 3 hehe I just wanted to know how you're doing and to thank you for the kiss ;3 I'd rather have sloppy make outs though hehe. Don't worry we'll meet someday hehe. Sorry if I'm sounding weird but I can't help but love you! You're so awesome. Also you're not a monster, just misunderstood, keep honking brother, and i love you :)

yeah, that was her XD she apologizes for it being so long. dont hold it against her, kay? ;) and i myself send out hugs to everyone X3 (especially Ampora, why do i love him so much? XD wow I'm weird!)

hAhAhA iM dOiN pReTtY mOtHeRfUcKiN oK

jUsT aLl Up AnD bOrEd In ThE vEiL

aW mAn I mOtHeR fUcKiN lOvE yOu ToO hUmAn BrItNeY hOnK :O)

iTs No mOtHeRfuCkIn PrObLeM

iVe HaD bIgGeR lEtTeRs

nO nEeD tO wOrRy :O)

-YAYfanfics101 sends hugs to everyone-

cT: D- STRONG hug *starts to sweat* im sorry

aA: im n0t sure what t0 make 0f this human gesture

cA: *hugs back and wwhispers in your ear* of coarse you lovve me baby

wHaT tHe AcTuAl FuCk AmPoRa

-tC orders cT to strangle cA with his own scarf-

-cA has passed out- (thank gog)

aG: Oh my gog, whyyyyyyyy is this filthy human hugging me? ::::|

aT: hEHEHEHE,,,uH, i LOVE HUGS! hEHEHEHE }:)

gA: *Proceeds To Human Hug*

cG: GAMZEE WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LETTING YOUR FANS DO THIS TO US?

cHiLl OuT bRo

jUsT eNjOy YoUr MoThErFuckIn HuG hOnK :O)

*hUgS tHe FaYgO oUtTa YoU* hOnK

cC: YAY i just LOV-E )(ugs! Glub glub 38)

aC: :33 *aC giggles and gives her new furend and nice warm hug and whispers in your ear* if you ever touch my karkittty again ill rip your spl33n out through your throat. Hehehehe :33

tA: jegu2 gri2t tC

tA: you DO let your reader2 do whatever the fuck they want

tA: 2eriou2ly

tA: what the actual fuck dude

gC: OH SHUT UP SOLLUX YOU 4R3 SOOOO D3NS3

gC: H3H3H3 SORRY ABOUT TH4T

gC: SOLLUX C4N B3 4N 1NSUF3R4BL3 PR1CK SOM3T1M3S

gC: SAM3 GO3S FOR K4RKL3S

gC: BUT UNL1K3 THOS3 TWO STOOG3S 1 APR1C1AT3 YOUR AFF3CT1ON4TE HUM4N G3STUR3

gC: MA1NLY C4US3 YOU SM3LL L1K3 CH3RRI3S 8]

gC: FR3SH SCR4P3 OR SOM3TH1NG? OR DO 4LL HUM4NS H4V3 R34LLY TH1N SK1N? 8?

aNyWaYs!

sO yOu GoT yOuR hUgS

aH: WAIT! What about my hug? I am important you know?

iMpOrTaNt Or MoThErFuCkIn LoNlEy? hOnK ;O)

aH: I JUST WANT MY GOD DAMN HUG!

gC: OH! OH! HUG P1L3 ON HUSS13! 8]

-everyone proceeds to glomp aH in a hug pile-

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	33. mAtEsPrItEsHiP

iM sTaRtIn To RuN oUt Of InTrOdUcTiOn IdEaS :O|

((Sorry for all the reviews and stuff, I'll ask as myself now)

Hey Gamzee! I have some questions from you if you don't mind... One: Do I have problems? Because I'm overly obsessed with Vriska! I mean, she may be a bitch, no offense, but she's godamn cool! I love her! Can you say hi for me? Two: Gamzee...Um...this is a little embaressing to say...I've always been feeling flushed for this one guy...I can't ever confess to him! We don't even kbow eachother that well and we only talked a few times! Plus, he already has a matsprit! And I lie to people saying I really hate guys and will never feel flushed for them...What should I do...?

P.S I happen to be a Taurus! Can I hug Tavros? }:)

iTs MoThErFuCkIn CoOl BrO

fOr ThE vRiSkA tHiNg…

i DoNt LiKe HeR

sHe AlL uP aNd KiLlEd My TaVbRo :,O(

iF yOu rEaLlY fEeL rEd FoR tHiS gUy

bUt He HaS a MaTeSpRiTe

sTaRt OfF bY sHoWiNg SoMe PaLe FeElInGs TwOaRd HiM

tHeN wHeN yOu MoThErFuCkIn FrIeNDs

sEe If YoU sTiLl FeEl ReD fOr ThE mOtHErFuCkEr :O)

oH aNd I aLmOsT fOrGoT

-XxNepetaRainbowAkemixX sends aT a hug-

aT: yAY! aLL THESE HUMANS SEEM, uH, rEALLY FRIENDLY, }:)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	34. mUrDeRsTuCk

mAn YoU hUmAnS aRe MoTheRfUcKiN cOnFuSiN mE :O/

oh my gog

oh man

gog how do i say this

you...said xeph was a fantroll?

A FANTROLL?

when he read that he went into depression.

sorta.

hes insanely sad but he also wants to murder you.

thats the kind of disease he has.

and hes running low on pills.

soon hell probably kill me.

wait a sec. i just heard something.

-disconnected-

-commected-

oh no. oh my gog.

you killed him.

you killed him and youre not even sober.

you IDIOT.

you just killed somebody you barely even know.

hope youre happy because im never writing to you again.

you killed my friend.

gog.

the person who will hate you for all of eternity

uMmM wHaT :O?

lIsTeN bRo I hAvE nO cLuE wHaT tHe HeLl YoU aRe GoiN oN aBoUt

wHy ArE yOu AcUsInG mE oF kIlLiN tHiS dUdE

i NeEd SoMe MoThErFuCkIn AnSwErS

cG: I KILLED HIM.

wHaT?

cG: THAT'S RIGHT, I WAS THE ONE WHO KILLED HIM. NOT GAMZEE.

cG: GAMZEE WOULD NEVER KILL ANYONE UNLESS HES SOBER WHICH YOU CLEARLY STATED HE ISENT.

bRo….

wHy DiD yOu Do ThAt :O?

cG: THIS HUMAN SHOULD BE GOD DAMN GREATFULL.

cG: I DID THIS GUY A FAVOR.

cG: I GET THAT HE WAS YOUR FRIEND BUT HE *WAS* GOING TO KILL YOU.

cG: AND HE WAS GOING TO KILL GAMZEE IF I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.

cG: GAMZEE, I KNOW I DON'T SAY THIS OFTEN, EVEN THO ITS TRUE BUT

cG: YOURE MY BEST FRIEND.

cG: AND NO ONE EXCEPT ME IS ALLOWED TO HURT HIM.

aWwW bEsTfRiEnD yOu AlL uP aNd DiDnT hAvE tO dO ThAt…

cG: YES I DID GAMZEE.

cG: NO ONE LAYS A FINGER ON MY MOIRAIL.

cG: NO ONE

cG: ESPECAILLY NOT A PHSYCOPATHIC KILLER PLANING TO KILL GAMZEE AND HIS OWN BEST FRIEND.

cG: GOD FUCKING DAMN YOU HUMANS CAN BE SO UNGREATFUL.

-cG storms out frustrated-

lIsTeN

i KnOw He WaS yOuR fRiENd

bUt YoU nEeD tO tHiNK

iF kArKaT dIdNt KiLl HiM

wHeRe In ThE mOtHErFuCk Do YoU tHiNk YoUd bE rIgHt NoW?

~sTaY hOnKin


	35. gOaTdAd

oK hErEs OnE tHaT i NeVeR mOtHeRfUcKiN gOt To

Awwww Gamzee, I didn't mean to bring back bad memories :( I'm sorry! It's not your fault. You couldn't control it! And I'm sure Goatdad didn't mean for you to be so alone.

Cheer up,

S (The True Seer Of Time)

tHaTs AlRiGhT

i JuSt MiSs HiM

mOrE tHaN yOu CoUlD eVeR mOtHeRfUcKiN iMaGiNe…

~sTaY hOnKiN


	36. cHiLlIn OuT

i LoVe AlL mY mOtHeRfUcKiN rEaDeRs :O) hOnK

Dear my favorite troll and patron troll:

I love you in a sisterly way. I am even going to dress like you for an earth holiday celebrating scares! Not that your scary, but i just think your really cool. :D you have taught me alots about how to deal with things and to be chill hehe i wish that i could meet you! Did i say you were really cool yet? I think so...I am a proud capricorn cuz of you _!

From: Honkerz the awesome gamzee fan :D

iS tHaT tHe HoLiDaY cAlLeD hAlLoWeEn :O?

yOu SoUnD lIkE a NiCe HuMaN :O)

aNd If We EvEr AlL uP aNd MeEt Up We ShOuLd ChIlL aNd SlAm At FaYgO :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	37. tHrEeThOuSaNd

hEy SoRrY mOtHeRfUcKeRs

i KnOw I hAvEnT bEeN aNsWeRiNg LeTtErS fOr SoMe TiMe

bUt ThIs Is OnLy CaUsE tHe WrItTeR wAs MoThErFuCkIn PrOcRaStIoNaTiNg :O|

-tC glares at the fourth wall and knocks it down with a bowling pin-

Writer: "I told you I've been busy!"

bY mOtHeRfUcKiN sLeEpInG aNd WaTcHiNg ViDeOeS oN tHe InTeRnEt :O?

Writer: "Hey, it's not like you didn't join me in watching those videos! Plus… I ran out of pocky…"

-tC throws the writer four boxes of pocky-

Writer: "Ok, so where were we? Oh yes, I was about to write a letter about getting over 3000 veiws! How about you take over now? I'll be busy fixing the fourth wall."

aLrIgHt MoThErFuCkErS!

iD lIkE a CelEbRaToRy HoNk FrOm AlL tHe MoThErFuCkIn FaNs OuT tHeRe WhOvE aLl Up AnD mAdE tHiS oNe HeLl Of A tImE hOnK :O)

iD lIkE tO aLl Up AnD gIvE a MoThErFuCkIn ShOuT oUt To AlL yOu NEW jUgGaLoS wHo FaVoRiTeD:

DarkVynAngel

Little Miss Zy

Wolfpup14

XxJinxieUnluckyxX

aNd AlL tHe NEW mOtHeRfUcKeRs WhO hAvE mE oN aLeRt:

1 SP3AK L1K3 TH1S

DarkVynAngel

a

malignantAdversary

XxJinxieUnluckyxX

YAYfanfics101

hOnKs To AlL tHoSe MoThErFuCkErS :O)

nOw I aLl Up AnD nEeD tO gO hElP wRiTeR tO fIx ThE fOuRtH wAlL

oOpS :OP

~sTaY hOnKin :O)


	38. lEsBiEnS

aLrIgHt MoThErFuCkErS tImE tO gEt BaCk To AnSwErInG lEtTeRS :O)

Hey for the *millionth* time Gamzee,

Things for me have just gone crazy recently.

I think in your terms its when 'shit hits the whirling device' by the way the whirling device is called a fan.

I'm having a bit of friend problems, let me try to explain. I have two friends, lets call them for protection purposes 'Apple' and 'Strawberry'.

Normally humans are only attracted to the opposite gender, but sometimes we are attracted to the same gender. Since the friend I'm talking about here, Apple, is this, she is a 'lesbian'.

Now this is the complicated part. Apple feels redrom with Strawberry, but Strawberry dosn't. Apple told me this information to try and sort this shit out of the fan, but I just...ugh.

Apple is a bit scared with telling Strawberry about her redrom feelings, and she wants ME to break the news. But if I tell Strawberry she's going to flip her shit on me and not Apple, and...

GRAH. I need help...Gamzee, could you get Nepeta, or maybe Karkat? I don't want to burden you with the insanity of human relationships...

-Gia

wElL iF yOu InSiSt

iLl LeT mY bEsTeSt FrIeNd TaKe Of ThIs :O)

-CG enters in a love doctor outfit-

CG: HELLO, PLEASE TAKE A SEAT AND I'LL BE WITH YOUR PATHETIC ASS IN A MOMENT.

CG: FIRST OF ALL, YOUR HUMAN ROMANCES ARE REALLY STUPID. SECOND OF ALL, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING GAMZEE TO GET ME? THIS IS AN ASK GAMZEE THING.

CG: AFTER THAT, WHY THE FUCK IS YOUR FRIEND MAKING YOU DO ALL THE DIRTY WORK? WHY DON'T YOU ASSERT YOURSELF AND ACTUALLY MAKE HER DO IT. IF SHE'S THAT SHY ABOUT HER FLUSH CRUSH, THEN SHE HAS TO WORK THROUGH IT HERSELF.

CG: BOTTOM LINE, DON'T LET YOUR PALEMATE PUSH YOU AROUND. I DON'T LET MINE DO IT, AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU.

-gC leaves-

wElL tHeRe YoU gO :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	39. dAmN hUg LeTtErS

aNoThEr HuG lEtTeR

mAn YoU gUyS fUcKiN lOvE hUgS :O)

Gamzee...About your advice...I dunno if that might work out. We had a few fights and we don't get along. We barely speak to eachother, only once in a while! I even called him stupid once! Ugh, I'm such a fuck-ass...*sigh* I'll still take your advice, though. I'll see what I can do! :)

P.S I just finished reading some fanfiction, can I please do squeezing tight hugs to Karkat, Jade, Sollux, Tavros, Dave, Terezi, John, Vriska(Extra harder), and you(the most hardest)? I mean, you're all so fucking great! Q w Q

mOrE hUgS :O)

cG: UGG FINE. BUT ONLY IF YOU GUYS WILL LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

-cG hugs the fan-

gG: hehe! Of course I'll give you a hug silly willy!

-gG happily hugs the fan-

tA: *sign* another fan want2 hug2?

hOnK :O)

tA: iill take that as a ye2

-tA awkwardly hugs the fan-

aT: yAY, mORE HUGS! }:)

-aT hugs the fan happily-

tG: alright bro. youre lucky. Not many people can get hugs from me.

-tG gives an ironic hug to the fan-

eB: Wow! I've never gotten a fan hug before!

-eB gives fan warm hug-

aG: Ok? For some weird reason these humans keep wanting to give me hugs? I guess I'm just that popular! Hehehehehehehehe ;:::)

-aG hugs this human in a vice like grip and lets go suddenly laughing and walking off-

-gC walks over to human laying on the ground-

gC: SORRY 1 DON'T DO GROUND HUGS. NOT MY TH1NG. 4SK G4MZ33, H3 GO3S FOR GROUND HUGS.

-tC picks fan up from ground and gives big hug-

aW aLl YoU mOtHeRfUcKeRs ArE aLl So CuDdLy

bUt SeRiOuSlY yOu GuYs NeEd To ChIlL iT wItH hUg LeTtErS

:O|

lIkE mOtHeRfUcKiN nOw PlEaSe

aT lEaSt FoR aWhIlE

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	40. mAkEuP

hErE iS a QuIcK oNe

Dear Gamzee,

Will you give Tavros a hug for me? I always thought Tavros was hella adorable. :3 Gamzee, how much Make-up do you put on each day?

aT: hEHEHEHE }:)

-aT gives hugs-

sO mAnY hUg LeTtErs

nOt EvEn FuNnY

aS fOR mY mAkEuP…

-aT and cG storm him with wet rags-

cG: YOU NEED TO TAKE OFF YOUR MAKE UP FOR ONCE!

-cG holds tC down while aT rubs off his makeup and they both you up in awe when the makeup is gone-

cG: GAMZEE YOU'RE…

aT: yOURE BEAUTIFUL }:O 3

cG: HOW DID YOU GET SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL?

mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrIcLeS :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	41. kIsSiNg

pLeAsE yOu GuYs

cAn YoU mOtHeRfUcKiN aSk Me LeGiT qUeStIoNs :O?

sOmE oF tHeSe ArE gEtTiN rEdIcUlOuS :O|

rawr! Hey Gamzee! I got real bored so I guessed I would write you a letter XD Its kinda a weird question but its kinda weird. You see I really like this one girl XD Feelin' red ever since I first saw her. and now she wants to kiss me but I don't know how XD So I guess I'm asking you how to kiss? Or some way of showing her how I feel! Haha, sorry it just sounds kinda weird cuz I've never said that to anyone befor! Please write back! Invader-Scene

P.s tell John I say Hi! And I think he is awesome!

iF yOu MoThErFuCkIn WaNnA kIsS sOmEoNe

DO NOT jUmP oN tHeM

pUcKeR yOuR lIpS lIkE a FiSh

tHeN aLl Up AnD sQuEeZe YoUr MoUtHs ToGeThEr

jUsT mAkE sUrE nEiThEr Of YoU hAvE aNyThInG iN yOuR MoUtHs

tHeN iTs MoThErFUcKiN aKwArD :O|

bUt If YoU dO iT rIgHt

yOuLl MaKe MIRiCaLeS :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	42. kArKaT x TeReZi

lEtTeRs ArE mIrIcAlEs :O)

Hi Mirthful Messiah,

Could you describe for us what Karkat's and Terezi's 'relationship' is like? And do you ever feelings jam with your moirail? I just have a hard time imagining you and Karkat doing that sort of thing, since well he's NEVER 'chill'...

Busy being the fucking leader or something.

...Try to calm him with the power of Faygo...

...or slip sopor into one of his drinks...

WHO SAID THAT?

Nevermind. Well, best regards,

WOB (WitchOfBlaze)

wElL oF cOaRsE kArKaT aNd I hAvE fEeLiNgS jAmS

wHaT aRe MoIrAiLs FoR :O?

aS fOr HiM aNd TeReZi

wElL tHiNgS aRe CoMplIcAtEd…

yOu SeE

hEs FlUsHeD fOr HeR

hE tHiNkS aBoUt HeR aLl ThE tImE

bUt

eVeR sInCe ShE sTaRtEd HeLpInG oUt ThAt InSuFuRaBlE pRiCk

dAvE

sHe NeVeR hAs TiMe To SpEnD wItH kArKaT :O\

iN aLl MoThErFUcKiN hOnEsTy

i ThInK hEs GiVeN uP oN hEr…

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	43. 1000 yEaRs

aLrIghT bRoS hErE iS a ViDeO rEqUeSt :O)

Another thing...just one thing really fast, could you do us a favor?

We know you have a connection to the internet in the Veil, otherwise you wouldn't be able to answer our questions, so have you heard of Youtube? Its a video sharing site. I'm not trying to advertise or anything...

but could you please show Karkat this video?

Just go to the little search button on the top part of the screen, and type 'nepeta - a thousand years'. The first video you see, i.e. the one closest to the top should be it.

Avoid typing the title in your quirk, or you probably won't get the resulting video. Its all in non-caps. Exactly as shown above.

You don't have to, but just...

just please.

WOB (WitchOfBlaze)

P.S. If you get the stubborn little crab to actually watch it without flipping his shit, could you tell us his reaction? (AND DON'T WORRY THIS IS NOTHING LIKE DAVE'S ICP SHIT TRICK I SWEAR)

-tC types in the video to youtube and clicks on it then slides the computer over to cG-

cG: OK WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS…

0:21 cG: ITS JUST A FUCKING SLIDESHOW OF NEPETA!

0:26 cG: UH NO.

0:35 cG: OH I SEE, IT'S JUST NEPETA'S WAY OF SHOWING ME HOW SHE FEELS.

0:43 cG: OH NOW PEOPLE ARE DRAWING ME. WHAT THE HELL?

1:03 cG: UMMM OK THAT'S JUST KINDA SAD…

1:08 cG: PICTURES OF OUR ANCESTORS?

1:19 cG: WHY ARE THERE RAINBOWS IN THE BACKGROUND?

1:36 cG: OH NOW ITS ME AND TEREZI?

cG: FUCK THIS I HAVE BETTER SHIT TO DO.

-cG tries to stand up but is pushed back down in the chair by tC-

cG: *signs* FINE. I'LL WATCH YOUR STUPID VIDEO.

2:02 cG: GREAT NOW THERE'S FUCKING EQUIUS. HO-FUCKING-RAY.

2:27 cG: AND WHAT'S WITH SOLLUX RANDOMLY STANDING THERE?

-cG watches the rest of the video silently and turns around in his chair to face tC with odd tears welling up in his eyes-

b-BrO?

wHaTs ThE mAtTeR?

cG: I NEED TO THINK.

-cG storms out-

aBoUt WhAt :O?

uHhH wElL i GuEsS tHaTs It ThEn

hOnK

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	44. fAn HuGs

tHiS lEtTeR iS sHoRtEr ThAn ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN wRiTeR :O)

Writer: Hey, just because I can't see you doesn't mean I can't make you do some horrible shit!

yEs Ma'Am

iLl AlL uP aNd BeHaVe :O|

Hii! I uhm I'm the one who had the random long message about feeling red for you / my name is actually Brittany but that's okay! I don't even mind that you spelled my name wrong ahehe! I just wanted to say you are awesome and I love you and squee! -hugs you-

aW nOtHiN lIkE a MoThErFuCkIn HuG fOR a MoThErFuCkIn FaN :O)

-tC squeezes fan tight-

lEaVe Me AnYmOrE lEtTeRs Or QuEsTiOnS iN tHe ReVeIws :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	45. hOnK

qUiCk LeTtEr :O)

Dear Gam

NYEH!

From Eridan

dEaR eRiDaN

hOnK :O)

fRoM gAmZeE

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	46. mOsT iNtErEsTiNg TrOlL iN aLtErNiA

hOnK hOnk hOnK :O)

Gamzee. You are the best. I wanna hug you and Tavros. Let's slam a faygo sometime. But that's not the only thing. Gamzee, can I get big hugs from Vriska, Nepeta, and Feferi? And, I want kisses from Sollux, Karkat, and a lot more kisses from my love Eridan! 3 But anyway, Gamzee, you are my patron. Therfor, I will give you an endless supply of faygo in every flavor! ;D

-tC and aT give big smushy hug to the fan on each side making a fan sandwich-

-aG signs and gives you an unenthusiastic hug-

aC: :33 *aC tightly wraps her arms around more fans and curls up into your lap to take a nice little nap* :33

cC: glub glub glub! i just love love LOV-E )(ugs! 38D

-cC gives you a big hug-

tA: hehehe fiinally ii get two kiiss someone

-tA tries to kiss her but is slapped away by an angry cC-

cG: OH NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

cG: I'M NOT KISSING THE FANS. I MEAN FOR GRIST SAKE I ALREADY HUGGED THEM.

cG: I WILL NOT FUCKING DO THAT. NOPE.

cA: hehe you wwant kisses huh? Wwell prepare yourself because im about to make swweet lovve to your lips~~~~~~

-cA puckers up but is dragged away by the scarf by a sickened writer-

Writer: Oh no. I am not writing this. I feel creepy enough having to interject you into any of my letters. But I am not letting you get the satisfaction of this one.

wElL gUeSs AlL tHeRe Is LeFt To Do NoW iS sLaM a MoThErFuCkIn FaYgO :O)

-tC tosses fan and writer a faygo-

-Writer comes back out of breath-

Writer: That motherfucker is hevier than he looks!

-they all crack open their faygos and bump bottles-

i DoNt AlWaYs DriNK

bUt WhEn I dO

i DrInK fAyGo

sTaY hOnKiN mY fRiEnDs :O)


	47. NO FANTROLLS

aLrIgHt

nExT mOtHeRfUcKiN lEtTeR

vell hello zere Gamzee, my name is Lupoka Strado, i vanted to tell you jusht how much i like reading zese delicious letters ovv yours, *added almost silently* i also vant to visper sveet vords ovv human lowe to a certain feline troll vile i hug her

sorry about him gamzee, he is just my wolfish olive-blood troll friend, he may be hard to understand as he speaks in a human accent known as 'german' (and unfortunately also types it, gog) his ORIGINAL letter contained the question 'would nepeta consider going out with a 'handsomely volfich troll' (his words) if a certain crabby individual were out of the picture'

keep eating sopor you goofy clown D

-lakieLegion

*sign*

wHaT dId I sAy AbOuT fAn TrOlLs?

aC: :33 * is taken aback by this* um mr strado, I do not mean to burst you bubble but i have a very bad history with dogs… i… i do not want to talk about it… so im sorry but no…

nOw GuYs

i MoThErfUcKiN lOvE aLl My FaNs

bUt PlEaSe

NO FANTROLLS

tHaNk YoU

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	48. mUsIc

hErE i Am

hOnK yOu LiKe A hUrRiCaNe :O)

Hey, thanks for the shoutout! :D I was just wonderin, Gamzee, since you obviously don't like the evil band that shall not be named, what kind of music do you like?

wElL sOmE oF mY fAvOrItE bAnDs InClUdE:

TrOlLwOoD uNdEaD

aLl TiMe LoWbLoOd

bIlLy TrOlL

bLInK 413

tHe CulLeRs

bOwLiNg FoR sOpUr

oH aNd JuStIn TiMbErLaKe :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	49. fOuRtHoUsAnD

mOtHeRfUcKiN hOnKs :O)

gUeSs WhAt My BrOtHeR aNd SiStErS?

oVeR fOuRtHoUsNaD vEiWs!

hOnk hOnK hOnK hOnK hOnK hOnK hOnK :O)

lEtS gIvE hOnKs To OuR nEw FaVoRiTeRs :

growleaf

lakieLegion

OXRandomBubbleCutieXO

Raine Rosa

aNd NoW mY nEw FaNs ThAt HaVe Me On AlErT:

lakieLegion

malignantAdversary

OXRandomBubbleCutieXO

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	50. plUsHiEs

hErEs An InTeReStInG qUeStIOn :O)

Hiya Gamzee!

I don't want any hugs since I can tell you are all over that, Even though I would love one from Eridan, I WILL NOT SK FOR ONE.

But I do have a question. Do you trolls have little plushines that you sleep with at night or something? If so, what are and what are their names?

Thanks, and remember to have a pie today on me!

Ember \m/_\m/

wElL i SlEeP wItH a StUfFeD sEaGoAt

i CaLl HiM gOaTdAd….

i KnOw EqUiUs SlEePs WiTh A sTuFfEd HoOfBeAsT

hE nAmEd It SaRgEnT sPrInKlEs *pfffffchhhhhffff*

tErEzI CuRrEnTlY sLeEpS wItH a ScAlEmAtE nAmEd SiR pIsTaChIo

aRaDiA sLeEpS wItH a StUfFeD wOoL bEaSt ThAt ShE aLl Up AnD nAmEd ShEeP

tAvBrO sLeEpS wItH a StuFfEd TiNkErBuLl He NaMeD rUfIo

mOthErFuCkIn SoLlUx SlEePs WiTh A sTuFfEd BeE nAmEd BaBu

aMpOrA sLeEpS wItH a StUfFeD sEaHoRsE nAmEd OsWaLd KeNnITh OcTaViUs ThE sEcOnD

mOtHeRfUcKiN pOoFtEr

fEfErI SnUgGlEs A cUdDlE fIsH nAmEd SqUiShY

mY bEsTfRiEnD hAs A CrAb NaMeD… wElL.. cRaB

cG: SHUT UP IT'S A GOOD NAME.

nEpEtA oBvOiUsLy HaS a SuFfEd CaT nAmEd KaRkItTy

cG: THE FUCK?

vRiSkA hAs A sPiDeR nAmEd SpInNeReTte

aNd Uh…

iM nOt QuItE sUrE wHaT kAnYaS iS…

lEtS sEe…

eVeRyOnEs MoThErFuCkIn PlUsHiE hAs To Do WiTh ThEiR lUsI

hErS wAs A vIrGiN mOthEr GrUb…

cG: SO DOES SHE LIKE FUCKING SLEEP WITH A VIRGIN?

pRoBaBlY

cG: SO SHE SLEEPS WITH AMPORA?

hOnK hOnK hOnK hOnK hOnK :O)

gC: For Your Information, I Sleep With A Stuffed Grub.

gC: His Name Is Signless.

aWw ThAtS mOtHeRfuCkIn CuTe :O)

aH: I sleep with a Vriska plushie. *wiggles eyesbrows*

-aH is struck down by aG-

aG: Dammit Hussie, I thought we went over this!

-aH is dragged away by aG-

wHaT aBoUt YoU wRiTEr :O?

Writer: "A pig named Kevin Hamzee Bacon. I don't how to exscatly end this letter so we leave you with a statement from Dave."

tG: Pants

~sTaY HOnKiN :O)


	51. hUsSiE

qUiCk LeTtEr :O)

I know, compared to our 'single quadrent', troll relationships do seem a bit superior.

Sorry about asking another troll to answer a question Gamzee, I know this is your thing, but I don't really have any evidence of you being too good with romantics.

Thanks for the advice, and I asked Apple to sort this out herself. Strawberry actually agreed, and they are going steady (Kind of like a Matespritship but with 14 year olds. I think that's like 7 sweeps?)

And she's not my palemate. I think. Are we...?

Shit we are.

-

Well here's a question to make this whole thing actually freaking relevant, to an extent that is:

What do you think of Andrew Hussie writing a story about your insane adventures and taking all the credit? (And yes, aaaaaaaallllllll ooooooooffffffff iiiiiiiitttttttt.)

mOtHeRfU-

-tC starts angry mob and everyone gathers rock to throw at aH-

aH: It's just a hobby, I swear!

-everyone proceeds to pelt aH with rocks-

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	52. CONTEST

wRiTtEr WaNtS tO mAkE a MOThErFuCkIn AnNoUnCeMeNt :O)

**Hey all you artists out there! I'm holding a contest for Letters to Gamzee fan art! The winner of this contest will have their fan art as the cover of Letters to Gamzee. If you have any questions about it or want to submit your fan art, contact me thru PM. The contest is open from now until July 9!**

aNyWaYs

oN tO tHe LeTtEr :O)

**Hello again, Mirthful Messiah.**

Whoa. You actually got that little crab to do it.

SO IMPRESSED OVER HERE. Seriously.

I have successfully pulled the heartstrings of your moirail Gamzee. How does that make you feel?

And what are your feelings on The First Ship, and the ship KatNep (Karkat x Nepeta)?

Also, if you could guess what exactly your palemate needed to think about, what would be your first few guesses?

Heh. Asking so many questions. Make sure not to procrastinate so much Bard!

We know you have important things to do rather than answer random alien's questions, but really now. :P

WitchOfBlaze (WOB)

wElL tHe FiRsT sHiP tO mE iS a MoThErFucKiN mIrIclE

aNd It WoUlD bE a MiRiClE iF mY bEsTfRiEnD aNd NePeTa GoT tOgEtHeR :O)

i ThInK wHaT hE wEnT tO gO tHiNk AbOuT wAs HiS rElAtIoNsHiP wItH tErEzI

iM nOt MoThErFUcKiN sUrE hOw ItLl AlL wOrK oUt

i JuSt HoPe KaRkAt Is HaPpY wItH tHe ChOiCe He MaKeS :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	53. lAdY gAm GaM

mOtHeRfUcKiN sPoNtAnIoUs LeTtEr :O)

HOW DID YOU GET SO AWESOE!

-Interrupting co-MOO :)

:O|

uM

wHaT

oH

mOtHeRfUcKeR mEaNs AwEsOmE

bAbY i WaS hAcTcHeD tHiS wAy BO)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	54. fAyGo CuPcAkEs

iM sIcK oF tHeSe MOTHERFUCKING sLiThEr BeAsTs

oN tHiS MOTHERFUCKING fLyInG mAcHiNe!

Dear Gamzee,

Wicked taste in music, I gotta say :D Just out of curiosity, do you have any favourite ships right now? I know shipping is Nepeta's thing, but we all do it once in a while. I'll keep mine to myself for the sake of not embarassing anyone.

Also, have you ever managed to convince any of the other trolls to have a pie with you? If not, you should.

That is all :)

Love, Jinxie

wElL sOlLuX gOt InTo My SoPuR aNd FaYgO cUpCaKeS oNcE

aNd By ThAt I aLl Up AnD gAvE hIm SoMe

lEtS jUsT SaY

kArKaT wAs ChArGeD wItH a SwEePs WoRtH oF cOmMuNiTy SeRvIcE fOr MoThErFuCkInG sTeAlInG hAnDs

aNd We CoUlDnT fInD sOlLuXs EyEbRoWs FoR a WeEk :O|

aS fOr ShIpS

oNe DoEs CoMe To MiNd

lEtS jUsT sAy I lIkE tO rEaD uP oN iT wHilE eAtInG pEaNuTbUtTeR aNd JeLlY sAnDwItChEs ;O)

~sTaY hOnKIn :O)


	55. fLuTtErShY

hI mY mOtHeRfUcKeRs

mY wRiTtEr Is A lAzY sOn Of A hOoFbEaSt

Writer: "No, you were the one who slipped soupor into my faygo. I just woke up four hours ago."

oH yHeA…

hOnK :O)

-instantly acts like Fluttershy- Karkat...YOU'RE...GOING TO LOVE MEEEEEE! AND AS FOR YOU AMPORA! -shoosh pap- There there, remember I will always love you from the bottom of my heart. Gamzeeeee. Gamzeeeeeee! Gamzee! Did you ever act like Fluttershy before? If so, on who? :3

cG: HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

-cG was glomped by a fan-

cA: muuurrrrrrrrrrrrr

-cA is shoosh-paped by fan and his eyes glaze over making some awkward noise-

nO i CaNt ReCaLl

wHaT's A fLuTtErShY? :O?

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	56. sO mAnY qUeStIoNs

tHIS iS a MoThErFuCkIn LoNg OnE

Greetings Mirthful Messiah,

Aww. That is the single SWEETEST thing I have ever read in my life. I have done some really serious-looking consideration in my next questions and have come up with these, as an attempt to make the longest letter / response combo ever.

Maybe it'll be turned into a LoG meme. Who knows?

Alright, The WitchOfBlaze's list o' questions to Gamzee Makara:

1) What is it like being the Bard of Rage? Do you like it? What are your feelings on your 'action pajamas'? Especially the cod piece. It's easily the MOST IMPORTANT.

2) I saw the question involving the plushies, and mother-of-god, that is the saddest shit I have ever seen. This isn't really a question though. I did want to inform you that since I am a kind and 'loving' Witch, I have made a fire mural with my powers to you and Goatdad.

I couldn't take a picture of it though since it was too bright. Fire and all...I need a better camera.

3) When did you hear about Faygo? Where on Alternia do you get it? Also, have you ever thought of putting your sopor into other foods, not like dessert foods such as pie, cake, and cupcakes, but like real foods, perhaps putting it in some cereal, replacing milk, or stuffing a turkey with it!

If any of these sound interesting, then go ahead and try them! (-Maybe a question?)

4) When did you meet Tavros and Karkat? Please be as desciptive as possible. If you can't remember, then I forgive you.

5) Technically you are one of the God's of our universe, did you get to decide the language, what we would look like, the terrain of the planets inhabiting the universe, etc? If you couldn't, what would you have chosen?

6) What are your thoughts on your ancestor, The Grand Highblood, and the hemospectrum? Again be as descriptive as possible. Especially have your thoughts when you were sober. And yet again if you couldn't remember that, it's okay.

7) 612. What is it's meaning? And there IS a correct answer.

8) Why did you..erm...allegedly have sloppy makeout's with Tavros' head while sober?

9) ALMOST DONE! With all the insane time shenanigans going on, what would you do if you met yourself, 5 sweeps older? If you could ask him any question, what would you ask?

10) LAST ONE! Still alive? Good! In 30 seconds or less please give a full description of the impending zombie apocalypse and how it would affect your current relationships and standards in Troll-society all together. Also, yes I am doing this meme, the object to your left is now your weapon of choice in the zombie apocalypse. What is it?

Ready to answer?

GO!

WitchOfBlaze (WOB)

P.S. Extra challenge: Try to answer and type this legit in 30 minutes or less! Did you do it?

fOr NuMbEr OnE

i MoThErFuCkIn LoVe BeIn ThE bArD oF rAgE

i MaKe MoThErFuCkIn GrIsT lIkE a BoSs By SeLlIn BlOoD

mY aCtIoN pJs aRe MoThErFuCkIn MiRiClE-lIcIoUs

aNd I kNoW a CeRtAiN sHy TrOlL wHo LoVeS mY cOd PiEcE

nUmBeR tWo

yOu MoThErFuCkIn CaN mAkE tHiNgS wItH fIrE :O?

mOthErFuCKiN mIrIcLeS 8OD

nUmBeR tHrEe

wHeN i WaS mOtHeRfUcKiN tWo SwEePs OlD

i FiRsT aTe sOuPeR aNd TrIpPeD mOtHeRfUcKiN bAlLs

tHIS sPrItE cAmE tO mE aNd GaVe Me SoMe FaYgO bUsH sEeDs

aNd ThAt Is HoW i MoThErFuCkIn GeT fAyGo :O)

nUmBeR fOuR

wHeN i FiRsT mEt My BeSt FrIeNd hE rAnDoM eNcOuNtErEd Me In TrOlLiAn

hE cOmAnDeD tHaT i MoThErFuCkIn DrOp DeAd

mAn I mOtHeRfUcKiN lOvE tHaT gUy :O)

aNd As FoR tAvBrO

i MotHeRfUcKiN eNcOuNtErEd HiM

aNd We BeCaMe BrOs In SeCoNdS :O)

nUmBeR fIvE

yEs I gAvE yOu :

fAyGo

rAiNbOwS

tAcO bElL

cLoWnS

pIe

pInK fLoYd

aNd YeS

dRuGs :O)

aS fOr NuMbEr SiX

i MoThErFuCkIn AnSwEreD tHaT qUeStIoN iN thE lEttEr: hEmOsPeCtRuM

nUmBeR sEvEn

tHaT iS a SeCrEt

yOu HaVe To FiGuRe ThAt OuT oN YoUr OwN

iT rUiNs ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN sUrPrIsE ;O)

nUmBeR eIgHt

wHaT? :Oo

i… dOnT rEmEmBeR :O?

nUmBeR nInE

wElL iF i MeT mYsElF fIvE sWeEpS oLdEr

iD aSk WhO mY mOtHeRfUcKiN mAtEsPrItE wAs ;O)

aNd As FoR tEn

wHaTs A mOtHeRfUcKiN zOmBiE :O?

aNd ThE iTeM tO mY lEfT

-tC grabs cG like a gun-

mOtHeRfUcKErS bEtTeR sTeP oFf!

TONIGHT WE DINE IN DERSE!

-tC gives a fierce battle cry-

cG: PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN NOW!

aNd I dId ThIs In TwEnTy FoUr MiNuEtS :OD

cElEbRaToRy HoNkS!

hOnK hOnK hOnK

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	57. lOrAx

tHiS iS tHe ChApTeR wHeRe I gEt NaKeD ;O)

Well hello my faithful Patrot Troll :03

here is something i want you to see; in order, check out Transformers (and i mean all of it, movies, tv seasons, the shit man, its awesome, and watch it with Sollux too )

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the 2003 series of it)

and lastly,

The Lorax

Stay chillin' my faithful broski,

Meghan McGonigle

HONK!

-tC and tA watch Transformers-

tA: totally need2 two be about twenty percent cooler…

mOtHeRfUcKeR aLl Up AnD sHiA lAbOuF'd Me :O|

nOt CoOl BrO

-tC watches TMNT-

hOw DiD tHeM sHeLl BeAsTs MoThErFuCkIn AlL uP aNd GeT tHaT bIg :Oo

MIRICLES

-tC watches the Lorax-

i ShAlL bE tHe MoThErFuCkIn LoRaX! 8OD

-tC takes off all of his clothes and gets on the horn pile-

i Am ThE mOtHErFuCkIn LoRaX oF tHe HoRn FoReSt!

cG: GAMZEE! PUT SOME MOTHERFUCKING CLOTHES ON!

nO! iM tHe LoRaX!

-tC jumps on top of cG-

cG: GAAAAAHHHHHH!

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	58. nO

gRrRr :O\

hey gamzee, so i hve a question. its actually kinda for everyone. and yes. EVERYONE. even serket and ampora. did you ever know any trolls other than the 12 here? like on alternia? and since your all gathered here... HUGS! And hugs from the kids B) and tav, your my patron troll. fist bump!

nO

nO

nO gOg PlEaSe No

nO

nOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

nOw I lOvE aLl Of My MoThErFuCkIn FaNs OuT tHeRe

bUt ThE FUCK dId I sAy AbOuT hUg LeTtErS

i LoVe YoU tHo YoU jUgGaLo

sO iLl GiVe YoU a FiSt BuMp

-tC gives fan a fist bump-

sO gUyS PLEASE

nO

mOrE

hUg

lEtTeRs

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	59. wHaT iS lOvE

wHaT iS lOvE :O?

cG: BABY DON'T HURT ME

Writer: "Don't hurt me."

aH: No more!

Heh, pardon any typo's in my last uber-letter, I was typing like nobody's buisness, my fingers were like freaking mini hoofbeasts trampling over all the keys. All of them.

11) If you could make any (and I mean ANY) relationship a success, both parties equally happy, (unless its a auspist relationship, in which case, all parties) what relationship would you choose / create?

i JuSt WaNt My BeStFrIeNd To Be HaPpY

i KnOw HiS hEaRt BeLoNgS wItH tErEzI :O) 3

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	60. rEpEaT

yOu MoThErFuCkeRs ArE aWeSomE :O)

HEY ITS ME AGAIN. I WAS GETTING BORED AND DECIDED TO WRITE YOU AGAIN. SO GETTING ONTO THE ACTUAL POINT... WELL, DO YOU HAVE ANY FAVORITE HUMAN BANDS? OR JUST ANY TYPE OF MUSIC YOU LIKE? PLEASE WRITE BACK.

i AlReAdY aLl Up AnD aNsWeReD tHiS qUeStIoN iN tHe MoThErFuCkIn ChApTeR: mUsIc

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	61. sIx ThOuSaNd

mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrIcLEs :OD

oVeR 6000 vEiWs On LeTtErS tO GaMzEe

yHeA i KnOw I sKiPpEd FiVe

cAuSe I cAn MoThErFuCkIn Do ThAt :O)

aNd iD lIkE tO tHaNK aLl My NeW bRoThErS aNd SisTeRs WhO fAvOrItED:

interrupting co-MOO

sukairaa-chan

aNd ThE nEw JuGgAlOs WhO hAvE mE oN aLeRt:

gia monic

interrupting co-MOO

Mai-Long

sukairaa-chan

hOnKs To ThEm :O)

aNd WrItEr WaNtEd To AdD sOmEtHiN

Writer: "Hey everyone, I just want to remind everyone of the fan art contest. The dead-line is in 5 days. The only rules for it are that there has to be a picture of Gamzee, be original, and has to say Letters To Gamzee. Also if you have a pester chum and want to contact me as bloodyArtist!"

wElL nOt SuRe HoW tO eNd ThIs MoThErFuCkIn lEtTeR

sO hErEs A wOrD fRoM dAvE:

tG: for all of you ignorant boobs out there,

tG: SHUT YOUR VAGINAS

tG: ok?

tG: green IS NOT a creative color!

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	62. vIdEo GaMeS

lEtTeRs LeTteRs LeTtErS :O)

Hey Gamzee, just wanted to ask what are some of your favorite video games? I know mine is definitely halo :D  
P.S. here's a pity hug for Eridan *Hugs*

wElL i Do EnJoY:

sOnIc ThE pRiCkLe-BeAsT

hOnK oF dUtY

oH aNd DoNt FoRgEt

sGrUb

-fan hugs cA-

cA: the only thing that is a pitty, my dear, is that ivve misplaced my bucket ;D

-writer shoots cA with a tranquilizer dart-

Writer: "Sorry, I need to buy a leash."

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	63. sober GAMZEE

sOrRy

aCiDeNtLy SkIpEd OnE :O\

Dear Gamzee,

Heh. Heh heh. Thanks man. You made my day. How did it feel, pelting your so-called creator with rocks?

Did it feel good?

Here's another question,

would you ever consider

MOTHERFUCKING KILLING ALL OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FRIENDS? :OD

and painting pictures

WITH THEIR MOTHERFUCKING BLOOD? DO:

-Gia

honk

HONK

oh you mean those traitors?

I GLADLY MOTHERFUCKING WILL

you see they don't understand who i am

WHO I MOTHERFUCKING WAS ALL ALONG

i am your messiah

MOTHERFUCKING BOTH OF THEM

they don't deserve to breathe

THOSE MOTHERFUCKING WASTE OF LIVES

they don't understand that my job is to paint pictures with their blood

IGONORENT FUCKING MORONS

cG: GAMZEE WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? I CAN'T FIND YOU ANYWHERE? I'LL I CAN HEAR IS THOSE STUPID HONKS!

hello best friend

I WAS FUCKING WONDERING SOMETHING

cG: GAMZEE THANK GOG, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? WHY ARE YOU TYPING DIFFERENT?

never mind that what

THAT'S MOTHERFUCKING NOTHING

what i wanna know is what your insides look like

SCATTERED ACROSS THE FLOOR

cG: WHAT THE FUCK GAMZEE?

honk

HONK

cG: GAMZEE STOP THIS!

now im comin for you

RUN MOTHERFUCKER

cause when the honks get louder

IM MOTHERFUCKING THERE

honk

HONK

cG: FUCK, MAN, FUCK! GAMZEE THIS ISN'T YOU!

ill hunt you down

LIKE THE MOTHERFUCKING PESANTBLOOD YOU ARE

cG: GAMZEE PLEASE NO

in three

TWO

one..

FUN :O)

-tC went offline-

~stay honkin ;O)


	64. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**I've decided to push the deadline back a week to the 16****th**** for the fan-art contest. When you are ready to send it in, attach a file in an email to my own email :**

**pokemonshozsayzjimminycricket **

**I'll be answering more letters soon.**

**-Writter**


	65. wUt?

sOrRy I mOthErFucKin HaVeNt AnSweReD iN a WhIlE :O/

i MiSsEd AlL YoU mOtHeRfUcKeRs :O)

So I heard you did a contract with Kyubey...  
1) How's it like being a magical troll?  
2) Is it hard fighting witches?  
3) Have you tried killing Jade?  
4) Have you met the other magical girls?  
5) What do you think about Kyubey? *cough* he tricked you *cough*  
hehe, that's all my questions for now. :3

wHoS kYuBeY :O?

iM mAgIcAl :O?

mIrIcLeS :OD

sInCe WhEn Do I FigHt MoThErFuCkIn WiTcHeS :O?

… wHy WoUlD i TrY tO kIlL hEr

sHeS aLrIgHt So WhY wOuLd I kIlL hEr

iMmA gIrL :O?

WHO?

~ sTaY hOnKin :O?


	66. tHiS iS a DrEaM

tHiS iS a DrEaM

iNsIdE a DrEaM

iNsIdE a DrEaM

INSIDE A MOTHERFUCKIN CANNOE

iNsIdE a DrEaM

Dear Gamzee,

Oh no, I didn't mean it like that, it was just a question, I didn't mean that you should actually go and do this!

Oh shit oh shit oh shit what do I do o_o

Uhh quick question I guess if you're still able to answer these;

Could you not kill Karkat and paint pictures with his blood?

-Gia

i DoNt ReMeMbER ANY oF tHiS 8O|

~ … sTaY hOnKIn :O?


	67. wRiGgLiNg DaY

i CaN wAlK oN wAtEr

i CaN fLy :O)

Gamzee, Today is my wriggling day, may i please get a happy wriggling day?

hApPy MoThErFuCkIn WrIgGlInG dAy *|:OD

-tC gives fan pie and faygo-

cG: DON'T EAT THAT SHIT. YOU'LL LOSE YOUR MIND!

hOnK :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	68. mOvIe NiGhT

gUeSs WhOs BaCk

bAcK aGaIn

gAmZeEs BaCk

tElL a FrIenD :O)

hey gamzee! sorry about the hug letter! :l i forgot about the thing with the hug letters :T anyway, have you and all your friends ever had a movie night? what was it like? what movies did you watch?

aW iTs Ok BrO!

oH yEs MoThErFuCkIn MoViE nIgHt :O)

aC: :33 vriskers, cam we purrretty please watch cats?!

aG: Noooooooo! That movie is too fucking long! we should watch the mist!

aT: uHHH,,, Do YOU THINK WE COULD WATCH PUPA PAN?

tC: aW fUcK yA bRo! ThAt ShIt Is FuLl Of MiRiCaLs! :O)

-gC licks aT copy of pupa pan-

gC: N0P3! N33DS M0R3 R3D!

cC: LITTL-E M-ERMAID! LITTL-E M-ERMAID! 38D

tA: heh iim fine a2 long a2 aA and ii can makeout

aA: 0k

cA: wwell I think wwe should wwatch harry potter

tA: no one want2 two watch your 2hiity wiizard moviie2

cA: no one asked you sol! besides you JUST SAID that you dont care wwhat wwe wwatch

tT: stop bickering you two, eridain, I will gladly watch harry potter with you

cA: see! evven the earth female agrees with me

tA: whatever iim out

-tA absconded-

aT: uHHHH,,, Do PEOPLE FLY IN THAT MOVIE? }:/

tT: why yes it does

aT: oK,,, iM IN!

tC: oH yHeA bRo! So MaNy CoLoRs In ThAt MoThErFuCkIn FiLm :O)

gC: C0L0RS?

tC: yHeA sIs LoTs Of ThEm

gC: 0K IM IN :]

aC: :33 sound fun!

cT: D are there any nobles?

aC: :33 i think so!

cT: D any 100d language?

aC: :33 not that im aware of

cT: D sounds intriguing

gA: Count Me In!

aG: ugggggggg, I guess I have no choice, do i?

tC: mHm

aG: fine

aG: wait. something feels off…..

-everyone suddenly realizes-

Everyone: where's karkat?

-somewhere in another block in the vail, a very crabby someone is in ears, huddled in a blanket, munching on popcorn-

cG: *sniff* SHE REMEMBERS HIM FROM HER DREAMS… AND NOW THEY HAVE A DAUGHTER *sniff* SO SWEET

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	69. gArY

aNd NoW a WoRd FrOm GaRy :O)

Sopor slime as lube? O_o That worries me a bit...

I think sober!Gamzee would like Creature Freature :3

hEy

don't kNoCk It TiLl YoU tRy It BrO ;O)

sObEr Me?

I dOnT ReCaLl BeInG sObEr….. :O?

oH wElL :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	70. mOiRaIl AdViSe

oPa GaMzEe StYlE BO)

hELLO GAMZEE, i HAVE BEEN READING, aND I WANT TO SUBMIT A QUESTION, oR FEW, (yES I STOLE TAVROS' QUIRK, hE IS JUST SO COOL AND EPIC AND BEAST! bECAUSE OF HIM, bULLS ARE MY FAVE ANIMALS, cAN I GIVE HIM HUG? PWEASE?) aNYWAYS,

mY FIRST WOULD BE, i WAS DRAWIN SOME KAREZI EARLIER, aND I DECIDED I DON'T DRAW EQUIUS ENOUGH, sO I'M GONNA DRAW HIM, bUT I CAN'T DECIDE, dRAW HIM WITH ARADIA? oR NEPETA? pLEASE HELP,

sECOUND, i'M HAVIN MOIRAIL TROUBLES, wE'RE RP TOGETHER EVERYDAY, bUT I FEEL LIKE WE'RE DRIFTING APART A BIT, rECENTLY SHE HASN'T BEEN ON AS MUCH, sO I MISS HER MORE, bUT THEN THERE ARE DAYS LIKE TODAY, sHE SAID WE COULD RP ALL DAY, bUT SHE HASN'T ACTUALLY BEEN ON MUCH,,, hOW DO I TELL I MISS HER WITH OUT ACTUALLY SAYING I MISS HER, oR SO SHE DOESN'T APOLOGIZE?

aLSO, bEFORE I LET YOU GO, i AM A GEMINI, sO I WANTED TO TELL SOLLUX, sUP!  
aLSO, tELL KARKAT HIM AND TEREZI SHOULD HAVE MORE SLOPPY MAKEOUTS! };)

sORRY FOR MAKING SUCH A LONG MESSAGE,,,

yHeA hEs PrEtTy WoNdErfUl :O)

uHh I gUeSs WiTh HiS mOiRaIl

hE aNd ArAdIa ArE In A Bit Of A MoThErFuCkIn JaM bRo :O/

aS fOR yOuR MoIrAIl

tElL tHeM hOw YoU mOtHeRfUcKiN fEeL

iTs BeSt To LeT yOuR fEeLiNs FlOw

aNd If ThInGs GeT aLl Up AnD tEnSe

yOu CaN aLwAyS sHoOsH pAp ThAt MoThErFuCkEr :O)

~sTAy HoNkIn :O)


	71. wHaT tHe MoThErFuCk DiD I JUST SAY

-intricateIcicle sent an email to GamzeeMakara at 02:43-  
gamzee you dont get it.  
he ran out of pills.  
no more pills  
he kills everyone.  
i had to restrain him.  
with a knife.  
i almost killed him  
and now i need to find more pills.  
he was still alive  
he was faking  
hes gonna kill everyone  
HE NEEDS PILLS  
HES GOING TO BE POSSESSED BY THAT SOPOR  
GOGDAMN FUCKING SOPOR  
ITS RUNNING THROUGH HIS FUCKING VEINS  
gamzee should i try to find pills or just try to  
kill him  
if he dies i save everyone  
if only i die  
he will cut apart my dead fucking body until hes sure i have no life  
fuck  
GAMZEE WHAT THE UNHOLY HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?  
i swear  
its not like it was planned.  
the pills are gone  
i dont even fucking remember  
what theyre called.  
just pills  
and now  
after he kills me  
and you  
and eridan  
and tavros  
and karkat  
and some weird guy called terminallycapricious  
hes gonna kill himself too.  
maybe theres a hope.  
i dont get why sopor is supposed to calm you down  
but with icebloods its deadly.  
maybe hell just die anyway  
but hes the last iceblood, or even skyblood.  
NONE AFTER HIM.  
like he says.  
nobody knows what a skyblood is anymore.  
gamzee  
oh my gog hes getting up  
NBDBJXFF $!(3434&!(:-4$!)31-D dvg;;?,.  
KI77£D HIM..  
&ONNA KI77 YOU OO..  
7OOK &AMZ££ OR WHA£V£R H£ FUCK YOUR NAM£ IS..  
YOUR£ NO &ONNA 7IV£ MUCH LON&£R..  
SO..  
&OOD..  
FUCKIN&..  
BY£..  
B££R S7££P WIH ON£ £Y£..  
FUCKIN& OP£N..  
YOU MAY B£ HI&H£R HAN ANYON£ £7S£..  
BU ONC£ 7ON& A&O..  
H£ SKYB7OODS..  
W£R£ SKY FUCKIN& HI&H ON H£ H£MOSP£CTRUM..  
AND H£ IC£BLOODS..  
W£R£ £V£N FUCKIN& HI&H£R..  
HONK..  
AS A FUCKIN& C7OWN 7IK£ YOU WOU7D SAY..  
B£FOR£ YOU MURD£R£D YOUR FRI£NDS..  
YOUR£ WORS£ HAN M£ YOU D£RAN&£D FUCKIN& MONS£R..  
SUR£ MAYB£ IM A FUCKIN& FANROLL..  
SO IS CALLIOP£..  
BU I WON SOP M£ FROM KILLIN& £V£RYON£..  
AND N£X ON MY LIS..  
IS YOU..  
I B£7I£V£ I WOU7D B£ QUI£ FIIN& O H£AR YOU DI£ ALON& WIH ANOH£R SOUND..  
I WOU7D R£MIND YOU HOW HORRIBL£ YOU R£A77Y FUCKIN& AR£..  
A SOUND HA ACCURA£7Y CAPUR£S A 7IF£IM£ OF D£AH &UI7 PAIN SORROW AND &R££D..  
Y£ A7SO A SOUND OF HAPPIN£SS PIY 7OV£ AND 7OYA7Y..  
HONK..  
7IS£N C7OS£7Y..  
HA IS YOUR D£AH AND &UI7..  
YOUR PAIN..  
YOUR SORROW..  
YOUR &R££D..  
HA IS YOUR HAPPIN£SS..  
YOUR PIY..  
YOUR 7OV£ AND 7OYA7Y..  
A77 YOUR HORRIB7£ £MOIONS AND WR£CH£D F££7S PUT INO ON£ DR£ADFU7 SOUND..  
FUCK YOU &AMZ££ FUCKIN& MAKARA..  
AND ON£ MOR£ FUCKIN& HIN&..  
HONK..  
-signature-  
intricateIcicle  
the lAst skYblooD in thE fuckIng unIversE..

Writer: *sigh* How many times do I have to tell you guys that I don't respond to crazy fantrolls. There are no such things as ice bloods OR sky bloods. Being insane is not a quirk it is due to a mental illness. You don't eat soupor. The only reason Gamzee ever ate soupor is because he had no lusus to tell him what to do. Goat dad was never there. If you were his childhood friend, you could of stopped him from supposedly eating soupor. If I see one more fan troll like this, I WILL ban certain people from 'sending in letters'. I'm tired of telling people they have certain restrictions, but I make these for a reason. So for the last time: NO CRAZY FAN TROLLS.


	72. fIsT bUmPs AnD gIfTs

I KiSsEd A tRoLl AnD i LiKeD iT :O)

Hey what's up?  
My own little miniseries of reviews as intricateIcicle is now over, so here I am, FlickingWalruses! I will only ask for a hug from Vriska (you're not so bad!) and if my request is not granted, I'm okay with that. But can I have a sip of one of those unreleased Faygos? Promise I won't tell anyone what it is!  
Sollux, I am proud to say that you're my patron troll! Fistbunp? And Dave too, fistbunp? Eridan, I don't hate you so fistbunp? And of course you too Gamzee!  
And of course a bunp for Tavbro too. Karkat gets a hi-pap, Terezi can lick me if she wants I guess, Equius gets a...pat on the back, Aradia gets a pat on the back from Equius, Feferi gets another cuttlefish. Vriska gets a Magic 8 Ball with the spinning thing on the inside. Kanaya, here's some RED lipstick (turns into a buzzaxe when uncapped). And of course Nepeta gets a scratch behind the ears. Meow! Well, I guess I should ask another question though...oh I know! Have you ever considered someone to be your kismesis? If so, will you tell us? Is it (whispers discreetly)? Well, I hope to hear back from you soon Gamzee! Bye!  
FlickingWalruses

-aG hugs stranger and capacthas a new 8 ball-

aG: thanks, always like to know that im appreciated ::::)

-tA recives fist bump-

tA: 2eriiou2ly? The2e human2 agaiin?

-tG recives fist bump-

tG: sweet, thanks bro

-cA receives fist bump-

cA: yay! im lovved!

-aT recives fist bump-

aT: hEHEHE YAY }:)

-cG gets a high-pap-

cG: OH GREAT. JUST WHAT WE NEED AROUND HERE. MORE FUCKING HUMANS.

-gC licks human-

gC: 1 M1SS3D Y0UR L1C0R1C3 FL4V0R :]

-cT get a pat on the back-

cT: D ohh that feels….. good

-cT pats aA on the back and she collapses on the ground-

aA: that d0es n0t feel 0k.

:O/

-cC capatchas a new cuddle fish-

cC: -EEEEEEEEE! CUDDL-E FISSS)(!tank you kindly stingrayng-er!

-gA capatchas a new lipstick/weapon-

gA: Ohh Thank You Kindly, I Believe I Don't Have This Color Yet!

-aC receives a scratch behind her ears-

aC: :33 ohhh thank you, that f33ls fantastic!

aS fOr A kIsMeSiSs

i HaVe OnE

a VeRy TeAl SoMeOnE

a VeRy MoThErFuCkInG bLiNd SoMeOnE

aNd FoR fAyGo

iM aLl Up AnD sOrRy

bUt ItS mOtHeRfUcKiN cLaSsIfIeD :O/

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	73. cRuShEs

hErEs A mOthErFuCkIn QuIcK oNe

Gamz,what are your crushes? ;p

wElL i DoNt SlOpPy MaKeOuT aNd TeLl ;O)

lEtS jUsT sAy

tHeY aRe As SwEeT aS pEaNuT bUtTeR

~sTAy HoNkIn :O)


	74. fAnDoM wArS

Hallo!  
It is me, the awesome Prussia. My awesomeness is exploding at an alarming rate even for me.  
You should feel blessed to have recived a letter from the awesome me.  
As for my question,  
How do you feel about people who mix fandoms?  
Yours awesomely,  
Gilbert Beilshmidt

wElL i ThInK tHe MoRe MoThErFuCkIn FaNdOmS tHe MeRrIeR!

wEaThEr YoU aRe A

hOmEsTuCkEr

hEtAlIaN

wHoViAn

bRoNy

tReKy

oR aNyThInG i DiDnT aLl Up AnD mEnTiOn

eVeRy FaNdOm Is MoThErFuCkIn AwEsOmE

~StAy HoNkIn :O)


	75. iM sO eViL

dErP :O)

HEEEYYY I SEE THAT FUNHOUSE REFFERENCE  
OH EVIL CLOWNS

yEs

gRrRr HeHe HoNk

i MeAn GrRr

iM sO eViL :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	76. fEeLiNgS jAm

iM aT tHe PIZzA hUt :O)

Gamzee! There was this one rp that made me really sad! So can I ser you and Karkat letting out your moirailiagance to each other. Goddamn, both of you almost died! I need you guys to hug it out and slam a faygo.

bEeEeEsSt FrIiIIiEeEeND!

cG: WHAT DO YOU WANT GAMZEE?

-tC tackles cG into horn pile-

cG: OW! WHAT THE FUCK GAMZEE?!

-tC gives cG a faygo-

cG: NO GAMZEE! I'M NOT DRINKING THAT SLUDGE! GAMZEE! GET OFF ME! GAM-! WHAT ARE YOU-

-tC shoosh paps cG-

cG: I- GAMZEE, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?

i JuSt WaNnA tElL yOu HoW mUcH yOu MeAn To Me… CaUsE… iF yOu DiEd… I dOnT kNoW wHaT iD mOthErFuCkIn Do…

cG: *sign* GAMZEE. WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS. YOU'RE MY MOIRAIL. WE STICK OUT FOR EACH OTHER. IF ONE OF US IS THREATENED, WE LOOK OUT FOR THEM AND PROTECT THEM. OK? IF YOUR LIFE WAS ON THE LINE, I'D RESCUE YOU AND VICE VERSA. LOOK, JUST… JUST DON'T CRY OK?

-cG hugs tC tightly-

tC: mOiRaIlS fOrEvEr?

cG: MOIRAILS FOREVER.

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	77. nOpE nO cRuShEs HeRe

iM aT tHe TaCo BeLl

Hey Gamzee it's obvious that you like tav but let's say that you and tab never met then who would you consider for "that" quadrant

uHhH

wHaT aRe YoU tAlkInG aBoUt:O?

i HaVe A nO cRuSh

tHeReS nO cRuSh

tHe CrUsH iS jUsT a MyTh

:O|

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	78. uNiVeRsI

iM aT tHe CoMbInAtIoN pIzZa HuT aNd TaCo BeLl

Hello Gamzee.  
My Name is Sarsora Srura Saga- Elemental of Life  
I have just a few questions.  
1) Do you know of other Universii? (Such as DBZ or EerieCuties?)  
2) If you have, which is your favorite?  
3) What would you say to these characters:The Doctor, Goku, and Celestia?  
4) If you could go back in time to before SGurb and live it all over again, what would you do differently?  
5) Not a Question: Careful about those salads, man...  
Honks and Hugs,  
SSS- EoL

uHhHh I hAvE No IdEa WhAt UhH wHaT

sAmE aS tHe MoThErFuCkIn FiRsT

3….

iD aSk ThE dOcToR tO aLl Up AnD lEt Me RiDe In ThE TARDIS

tHaT bE sO mIrAcuLoUs :O)

iD aSk GoKu To RiDe HiS MiRaCuLoUs HaIr :O)

aND iD aLl Up AnD aSk CeLeStIa To RiDe HeR mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcUlOuS sElF :O)

4. i WoUlD oF bRoUgHt MoRe FaYgO tO tHe VaIl

aNd ThOsE mOtHeRfUcKiN sAlAdS aRe TrOuBbLe :O|

~sTAy HoNkIn :O)


	79. gRaNd HiGhBlOoD

dOnT yOu WiSh YoUr PaTrOn TrOlL wAs HoT lIkE mE :O?

Uh hi gamzee I just wanted to know what you think of your ancestor? What would you do if could meet him? LaH (love and hugs) Ss21

mY aNcEsToR iS hUgE

mOtHeRfUcKiN sCaRy ToO

hE aLl Up AnD rAn WiTh ThE CoNdEsEnTiOn

i GuEsS iF i MeT hIm

iD gIvE hIm My PICtUrE oF gOaT dAd

i ThInK hE nEeDs It MoRe ThAn I dO

~sTaY HoNkIn :O)


	80. sOlLuX wIlL gEt HiS aSs BeAt

hOnK fOr HuGs :O)))

Hey Gamzee! I just wanted to say that I've loved your Q&A so far! :) So, I'll award you with this -hands you a giant faygo and a pie- since you're also my favorite troll.

Also, if it's not any trouble, do you think I could get a kiss from Sollux? :/3 I think his lisp is adorable.

Tanuki

aWwW

that's MoThErFuCkiN sWeEt Of YoU :O)

tA: ok now thii2 ii2 more like iit!

-tA smooches Tanuki-

aA: s0llux

tA: uhh hey there aA

tA: uhhh watcha doiin?

aA: watching you suck face with a human meat bag

tA: iit2 not what iit look2 liike!

-tA is dragged away by his ear-

oHh

tHiS iS aLl Up AnD aWkWaRd :O|

~sTaY hOnKiN?


	81. tWo FoR oNe

iLl Be DoInG tWo In ThIs OnE :O)

omg that song you started out with! I LOVE THAT SONG! XD i dont think i could love you anymore then i already do XD

i LoVe YoU tOo YAYFANFICS101

hOnK :O)

Umm... Hi, I uh love all you guys, but uh... Gamzee how do you feel about your ancestor? Is it hard knowing how much blood he has spilled? I forgive him though... It's not his fault he was insane... It's not easy is it? *Hugs all trolls and ancestors*  
It's ok I love you guys./)0/0(\

i AnSwErEd ThIS qUeStIoN iN gRaNd HiGhBlOoD :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	82. tAvBrOs HeAd

Sloppy makeouts.  
With Tav's head.  
WHY. WHY DO THIS TO MY POOR PATRON TROLL.

wHeN dId AlL tHiS mOThErFuCkIn HaPpEn DO:

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	83. hOw To MaKe A pIe

tHeSe ArE sImiLaR qUeStIoNs So I WiLl AnSwEr ThEm ToGeThEr :O)

Hellooooooo Gamzee! :D

I was just wondering what you do in your free time, other than look up silly things online. xP  
And one more thing, could you tell me how to make your awesome pies? XD

Honkin since 1324 B.C., sukairaa-chan

Hi Gamzee! Can you tell me how to make your sopor pies? I really want to try one!  
Honk honk, bro. :o)

wElL i PlAy KeEp AwAy WiTh ErIdAnS gLaSsEs

iM pReTtY gOoD aT mOtHeRfUcKIn BrAiDiN sO i BraiD fErErI aNd ArAdIaS hAiR

vRiSkA wOnT lEt Me ToUcH hEr HaIr ThO :O/

i HeLp EqUiUs WiTh HiS mIlK

gIvE tAv PoRk BeAsT bAcK rIdEs

i MeSs WiTh TeReZiS cHaLk

hAvE fEeLiN jAmS wItH mY bEsT fRiEnD

sOmEtImEs I eVeN wAtCh HiS wEiRdO mOvIeS

iVe EvEn MoThErFuCKiN tOoK uP rOlE PlAyInG wITh NePeTa

aS fOr My MoThErFuCKiN pIeS

fIRsT i AlL uP aNd ScOoP uP sOmE sOuPeR aNd PuT iN tHe PaN

tHeN i ThRoW iT iN tHe MoThErFuckIn OvEn AnD wAiT fOr MiRiCaLs To happen :O)

~sTaY HoNkIn :O)


	84. gOoD gUy ErIdAn

mOthErFuCkIn MeSsIaH iN tHe HoUsE :O))

Dear Gamzee,

What's it like living with Rose and Dave on the meteor? Is it odd having humans around at all? Also, do you know why everyone hates Eridan so much? D: I mean, really, he's a loser, but he has to have some form of redeeming quality.

Sincerely,

Jinxie

wElL i HoNeStLy LiKe RoSe

sHeS a MOThErFuCkIn SwEeT hEaRt

bUt DaVe Is AnOtHeR sToRy

iF i WaSeNt So MoThErFucKiN cHiLl

iD AlL uP aNd sNaP hIs CoOl GuY nEcK

aNd ErIdAn

iT mAy SeEm ThAt I hAvE bUrNiNg HaTe FoR hIm

bUt HeS nOt ToO bAd

i JuSt LiKe To TeAsE hIm Is AlL

hEs JuSt MoThErFuCkIn MiSuNdErStOoD

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	85. ICP

i MoThErFuCkIn LoVe EvEry OnE oF yOu :O)

Hi Gamz! -hugs you while giggling- You're my fave troll! Okay anyways on to ma question  
So how does it feel knowing that Grand Highblood is your descendant? Ain't it scary knowing that killer's blood is in you? Also do you really have Faygo seeds? Thatsounds awesome!

One more thing...why do you hate ICP? I mean I don't like them either, but meh..

HoNkIn' To YoUr AwEsOmEnEsS,  
Lucy .

i AlL uP aNd AnSwErEd ThE fIrSt OnE iN gRaNd HiGhBlOoD

iTs TrUe AbOuT mY MoTheRfUcKiN fAyGo SeEdS

bUt ItS cLaSsIfIeD wHeRe I gOt ThEm ;O)

IcP?

nEvEr EVER lEt Me CaTcH yOu TaLkIn AbOuT tHoSe MOThErFuCkIn ReLiGioN bAsHiN MOTHERFUCKERS EVER AGAIN.

~sTaY mOtHeRfUcKiN hOnkIn


	86. rAvE aNd DaVe

Hiya Gamzee!  
So, my question is, would you ever go to a rave with me?! :D and just in case you don't know what a rave is, a rave is MY miricals! Flashing lights, heavy bass music, glowstick and just dancing! Well I guess I'm getting over excited now. Hehe, bai bai now!

Lorena.

aW sHiT sIs SuRe! :O)

-tC dances to dubstep with Lorena-

EVERYONE DANCE!

-everyone starts raving-

Writer: Well I have no idea how I should end this, so here is a word from Dave.

tG: Why do I always have to be the dickwheel of a filler at the end?

tG: *sign* Fine.

tG: Turkey nipples.


	87. mOtHeRfUcKiN sCiEnCe

iLl Be DoInG tWo In ThIs OnE :O)

omg that song you started out with! I LOVE THAT SONG! XD i dont think i could love you anymore then i already do XD

i LoVe YoU tOo YAYFANFICS101

hOnK :O)

Umm... Hi, I uh love all you guys, but uh... Gamzee how do you feel about your ancestor? Is it hard knowing how much blood he has spilled? I forgive him though... It's not his fault he was insane... It's not easy is it? *Hugs all trolls and ancestors*  
It's ok I love you guys./)0/0(\

i AnSwErEd ThIS qUeStIoN iN gRaNd HiGhBlOoD :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	88. cHeAtInG

tHeY sEe Me HoNkIn

tHeY hAtIn BO)

Hey! I was wondering if you're allowed to have more than one moirail (sorry, I probably spelled that wrong) , or if that's not allowed. Because I have 2 friends that BOTH want to be moirails with me, and I wouldn't want to choose one over the oter. Thanks!

aW nO iM sOrRy SiS

iTs LiKe HaViN tWo HuMaN 'bOyFrIeNdS'

mOtHeRfUcKiN cHeAtIn AnD sHiT :O/

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	89. cLoWnFiSh

pUt ThE sLiMe In ThE cOcOnUt AnD mIx It AlL uP :O)

dd:writes sup gamzee if you could be any blood color out of all the trolls which would it be my fave happens to be yellow like my sign gemini! :D

i WoUlD bE a tYrAnNiAn PuRpLe BlOoD

i ThiNk I wOuLd Be A bEaUtIfUl PrInCeSs HoNk 3:O)

cC: gamz-e-e you want to be a princ-ess? 38)

uHhH dId I aLl Up AnD sAy ThAt

i – I mEnT pRiNcE-

cC: gamz-e-e its ok! I could teach you how to be a princess!

hOnK :O)

MANY HOURS LATER

sH-eLlO mOtHeRfUcKErS 38O)

cG: OH MY GOD GAMZEE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING?

cG: IS THAT A DRESS?

tA: oh my god

tA: hehehehe alriight ff what diid you do two him

cC: )(-e told me he wanted to be a princess.

cG: GAMZEE OH MY GOD

aT: hEY,,, uHH,,, wHAT IS EVERYONE STARTING A- oH MY GOD GAMZEE!

o)( )(eY tAv 38O)

aT: uHHH,,, uHHH,,,

-aT absconds-

38O/

gA)()(! tErEzI w)(aT tH-e S)(-eLl Ar-E yOu DoInG?

gC: G4MZ33 Y0U T4ST3 M0R3 D3L1C10US TH4N USU4L

gC: WHY 4R3 Y0U W34R1NG 4 DR3SS?

b-EcAuS-e I aM a B-eAuTiFuL pRiNcEsS

cA: hell yhea you are

u)()()(

cC: gamz-e-e don't los-e you coral!

-eRiDaN cAn YoU aLl Up AnD sTeP oFf 38O|

cA: wwhy? afraid you wwill like it too much

iM sOrRy SiS

i JuSt CaNt Do ThIs

mY mOthErFuCkIn AsS hAs NeVeR bEeN mOrE oUt In ThE oPeN aNd He Is So CloSe To Me ThAt I CaN fEeL HiS fIsHy OrA oN tHe bAcK oF My MoThErFuCKiN nEcK

cC: -eridan l-eav-e you are b-eing no k-elp at all!

cA: but fef…

cC: -eridan so k-elp m-e cod if you don't clam-scray this minnow I will cull you so )(ard your anc-estor will f-E-el it. 38O(

cA: nyeh!

tHaNkS mY fIsHy SiS :O)

aNy TiM-e GaMz-E-e! )(-E)(-E!

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	90. hUgS aNd KiSsEs

h3y g4mz33 my n4 12 ky0h13 T0gus4 1 ju2t w4nted t3l y0u thr33 th1ng2 1:) 12 t0 l3t you kn0w y0u 4re 4 r0ck1ng troll 4nd 1 l1ke y0u 4nd w42 w0nd3r1ng 1f you would l1ke t0 2l4m 4 f4yg0 4nd tw0 12 1f 1 c0uld g3t 4 hug fr0m n3p,f3f,4r4,k4n,vr12,j4d3,r023,3q,3r1,t3r,y0u. 3:)4n my l42t que2t10n 12 can 1 g3t 4 k122 fr0m j0hn,d4v3,20l,k4r,t4v. (p.2 1 4m 4 2unny y3ll0w bl00d my 21gn 12 m3rcury 4n 1m 4 210n1c) l42tly my p4tr0n 12 20llux 4n 1f y0u 4n the troll2 c0uld y0u ch3ck 0ut my th3m3. ::? 1t2 c4ll3d C4ndyM4n by. 4qu4 w1th 0ut th3 qu1rk.

aLrIgHt SiS :O)

-aC gets hugged by pockyfoxes-

aC: :33 I hope youre not an actual fox! Please don't be an actual fox :((

-cC get hugged from pockyfoxes-

cC: o)()()( yay! )(uman )(ugs ar-e always nic-e and warm!

-aA gets hugged by pockyfoxes-

aA: 0k.

-gA gets hugged by pockyfoxes-

gA: Oh Thank You Dear, I Always Enjoy A Good Hug!

-aG gets hugged by pockyfoxes-

aG: where the fuck are all of these humans coming from?

-gG gets hugged by pockyfoxes-

gG: hehhe! Its been awhile since ive gotten a hug from anybody!

-tT gets hugged by pockyfoxes-

tT: oh! Um… thank you, I was not expecting a hug… uh..ok.

-cT gets hugged by pockyfoxes-

cT: D oh my, I…. don't want to crush you… can you get me a towel, perchance?

-cA gets hugged by pockyfoxes-

cA: wwell hey there sugar ;)

gC: G3T 0FF 3R1D4N, MY TURN :]

-gC hugs pockyfoxes-

gC: H3H3H3H3H3HH3H3H3!

-tC gets hugged by pockyfoxes-

aW sHiT sIs! yOu GiVe GrEaT hUgS! hOnK :O)

-eB gets kissed on the cheek by pockyfoxes-

eB: ohhh hehhe sweet, I got kissed by a girl! :B

-tG pats pockyfoxes on the shoulder-

tG: sorry, man, I have a girlfriend, or matesprite, or whatever.

-tA hugs pockyfoxes-

tA: la2t tiime ii kii22ed another giirl aa kiicked me iin the nut2

-cG pushes pockyfoxes away-

cG: OH NO! NOT ANOTHER FUCKING HUMAN. THEY ARE NOT KISSING ME. NO.

-aT receives kiss from pockyfoxes-

aT: uHHH,,, tHANK YOU }:)

aLrIgHt

wHoEvEr WaNtS a MoThErFuCkIn FaYgO

gEt OnE! :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	91. kUrLoZ

Gamzee do you really control Kurloz like you did in that flash (i know sooo un descriptive there) Do you think he's cool? ALSO, you should honk a little more and stop hiding in vents! You need more screen time!

I have no idea

WHAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING TALKING ABOUT :O)


	92. lOnG cHaPtEr Is LoNg

hErEs A lOnG oNe

WELL HELLO THERE, MISTER GAMZEE MAKARA! IT'S CERTAINLY BEEN QUITE A WHILE SINCE I'VE HEARD FROM YOU!  
(On a very short side note to the author, I DEEPLY apologize for that fantroll crap, I was just trying to think of a backstory for my character and accidentally combined it with Homestuck -_- stupid brain)  
I TRUST THE MIRACLES HAVE BEEN WORKING OUT WELL FOR YOU, GOOD SIR! IT'S GOOD TO HEAR YOU HAVE AT LEAST HALF OF YOUR QUADRANTS OCCUPIED AS WELL!  
Oops, that was probably too loud, sorry.  
Anyway, on with the asks.  
1. Gamzee: Have you watched every episode of the Homestuck anime yet?  
2. Gamzee/Karkat: Have you ever seen the human movies "Silent House" and "The Tall Man"? Because they're pretty messed up. I recommend watching them with your palebro of choice, and/or with all the other trolls because they are REALLY freaky.  
3. Nepeta: I found this website called ...the secret password is *whispurrs* #nepkat *winks platonically*  
4. Sollux: watch?vpVCil2oSNYY (If that doesn't work, try "youtube" instead, which is the equivalent on Earth.  
5. Equius: If you had the chance to trade your incredible strength AND Aradiabot for the same strength as most of the other trolls, would you take it?  
6. Aradiabot: 0101110100001011111000000111 0001110011000000000111100100 11100001100010011  
7. Karkat/Eridan: Psst. Watch out for your dancestors, they are HUGE douchebags.  
8. Tavros: I absolutely love Troll Hook! Troll Dante Basco was so awesome in that movie, and he was only about seven sweeps old! Have you ever considered acting in plays or movies? I bet you'd be a great actor.  
9. Vriska/Terezi/Karkat: DRAWING CONTEST! Vriska and Terezi have to draw each other in an amount of time specified by Karkat, who then judges which picture is better.  
10. Nepeta: Oh, I wonder what could be in this MYSTERIOUS BOX that smells an AWFURR LOT like CATNIP! *discreetly hands box*  
Oh right, I forgot the alternative hugs!  
*honks Gamzee's nose*  
*MOAR FSITBUNPS FOR ALL*  
*accidentally pushes random friend at Vriska*  
*random friend accidentally starts flirting with her*  
*hugs Nepeta* (whoops, not alternative)  
*has secret feelings jam with depressed Eridan*  
*leaves quietly* GOODBYE! I PLATONICALLY LOVE YOU ALL!

tHeReS aN aNiMe? :O(

cG: I WILL NOT WATCHTHOSE MOVIES. PEOPLE ALREADY TRICKED ME INTO SEEING SILENT HILL. I DID NOT SLEEP, YOU HEAR ME?

yHeA iVe sEeN eM

sHiTs MoThErFuCKiNg ScARy!

3. aC: :33 33P! aC whispers thank you!

4. tA: the2e fuckiing human2 thiink iive never 2een thii2 before.

5. cT: D neigh. I love being a STRONG troll, and aradiabot is a masterpiece!

6. aA: 0111100101101111011101010111 0010001000000110001001101001 0110111001100001011100100111 1001001000000110001101101111 0110010001100101001000000111 0111011000010111001100100000 0110111001101111011101000010 0000011001000110100101110110 0110100101110011011010010110 0010011011000110010100100000 0110001001111001001000000110 0101011010010110011101101000 01110100

7. cA and cG: YHEA I KNOW, DON'T MENTION IT.

8. aT: uHHH,,, iM WAY TOO NERVOUS TO ACT,,, iF YOU HADENT NOTICED I,,,uHH,,,don't HAVE MUCH SELF CONFIDANCE }:/

9. cG: DO I REALLY HAVE TO DO THIS?

gC: Y3S K4RK4T!

aG: oh I will soooooooo win his! ::::)

cG: UGH. FINE. GO.

-gC and aG scribble out their pictures-

cG: STOP.

cG: TEREZI WINS.

aG: HEY! You didn't even look at them!

cG: GUESS WHO FUCKING CARES?

gC: K4RKL3S ST0P B31NG 4 W4D 4ND JUST L00K 4T TH3M.

cG: FINE.

-cG takes a look at the drawings-

cG: I HAVE TO SAY. I LIKE VRISKAS.

gC: WH4T?

cG: CAUSE LOOKING AT YOU IS WAY MORE APEALING.

aG: HEY!

-aG kicks cG in the balls and walks away with gC laughing-

cG: AND THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS BULLSHIT!

10. aC: :33 yes! Mine!

cT: D ill be taking that. Nepeta I am ashamed.

aC: :33 equius! Give is back right now!

cT: D no, I will not have my moirail on hallucinogens.

-aC pounces on cT and bounds away-

cT: D fiddlest%

-fW honks tC nose-

HONK! :O)

-fW fist bumps everyone in a big circle except for cA, a faint 'nyeh' can be heard off in the distance –

aG: you better not be that orange guy!

-aC is hugged by fW-

aC: :33 hehehehe! Thanks again fur the catnip!

-aC is preoccupied in a feelings jam with fW-

aW i LoVe YoU tOo SiS!

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	93. tRoLl CoPs

iS tHiS tHe ReAl LiFe

oR iS tHiS a FaYgO sEa? :O)

Hey Gamzee male Karkat stole my hands. What do I do. I'm so scared.

oH sHiT bRo!

sOmEoNe CaLl TrOlL cOpS!

dOnT wOrRy

iLl GeT yOu HeLp BrO! DO:

~sTaY hOnKiN!


	94. iCe IcE gAmZeE

Yea sure you dont.  
Also can I have just a quick reply as I only ask, does ice make Faygo better? I like it from the bottle, but maybe i should pour some in a glass and add ice?

oH yOu MeAn ThOSe MoThErFUCKiN mIrAcUlOs gLaSs CrYsTaLs?

hEh Be My MoThErFUCkIn gUeSt BrO

~sTaY hOnkIn :O)


	95. mIrAcLeS sOnG

-tC seductively honks- ;O)

Wow thanks but Gamzee here is advice about that to you, NEVER EVER PUT REDPOP FAYGO IN WITH ICE. its not bad, but it cancels the delicous taste... ;n;

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :O(

Sup Gamzee! I have a couple questions for you if you don't mind me asking.  
1) I know you have rode a one wheeled device but have you ever rode one that had two or three wheels?  
2) If the whole world was ruled by clowns, what would be your reaction?  
3) What are miracles made of?  
Well that's all for now. BYE! *steals couch while leaving.*

yOu MeAn ThErEs MoThErFuCkInG MORE :Oo

NO ONE WOULD MOTHERFUCKING DIE! DO:

mIrIcLeS… aRe KiNda

sOrTa LiKe A

mOtHeRfUcKiN

wHaT aRe Th-

lEt Me AlL uP aNd SpElL iT fOr Ya :O)

M iS fOr MaGiC

gIvIn It PoWeRs

i Is FoR iNdEsCriBeAbLe

rA iS fOr RaInBoWs

fIlLiN uP tHe WhOlE sKy

cLeS! hOnK :O)

mY mOtHeRfUcKiN cOuCh DO:

~sTaY hOnKin:O)


	96. mOtHeRfUcKiN hUmAnS

I must thank you for answering my questions. Here are more.  
1) Based on... Oh forget it! You are not a scientist... You are one cool cat, motherfucker.

aWwWwW yHeA :O)

Sup Gamzee? First I would like to say ur one awesome, badass troll! Ur my favorite one now, for my question..Er, questions. If you could choose to be human, would u? and if you could be any one, who would u be?

nAh SiS :O)

i LiKe BeInG tHe CrAzY cLoWn TrOlL i Am

pLuS

hUmAnS aRe So MoThErFuCkIn CoMpLiCaTeD!

wItH wOrDs LiKe GaY aNd LeSbEiN

iS tHaT hOw YoU mOtHeRfUcKiN sAy It?

lEsBeIn?

pLuS oNlY ONE qUaDrEnT

tAlK aBoUt MOThErFuCKin LAME

nOt To MeNtIoN tHeIr MiSs UsE oF bUcKeTs

HONK *wonk* ;O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	97. bEsT aCtOr

Dear Gamzee,  
I love baking, I am almost like Jane, but I am interested in making sopor slime pie. What's your recipe? If you cannot not share, what does it taste like? I guessed it would be like lime... By the way I am a Leo.  
My Moirail says my hair looks  
at lot like yours. What's your secret to keeping it looking okay?  
Could you say hi to Sollux for me and a kiss ;) Aradia he loves you don't worry. My chum handle is bewitchhourAubade. Also tell Tav if he wants to act; when he gets on stage he is not Tavros Nitram he is the character he is portraying.  
Thank you for your time.  
Sincerely,  
Shelby Ryerse

Ps. Sorry but hugs to all!

hOnK iTs JuSt SoUpOr SlImE

sOmEtImEs I pUt In FaYgO :O)

tAtSeS lIkE mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrIcLeS

mY hAiR?

nEvEr AlL uP aNd BruShEd It HoNk

-tA waves from a distance while aA keeps a close eye on him-

aT: i,,, uHHH,,, don't REALLY KNOW HOW TO ACT }:(

wElL i CoUlD aLl Up AnD tEaCh Y-

cA: OUTTA MY WWAY GAM!

cA: THIS HERE IS MY TURF!

cA: TAVV!

aT: wHAT?

cA: I wwill offer my servvice to you!

aT: uHH,,, oN SECOND THOUGHT I-

cA: NONSENSE!

cA: wwhen I get done wwith you you wwill be the second best actor wwho evver livved!

cA: the first bein me ;)

aT: yHEA,, iM JUST GONNA LEAVE

cA: tavv?

-aT absconds-

cA: cod damn.

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	98. hAnGiN wItH tAvBrO

hOnk mE bAbY oNe MoRe TiMe :O)

Hello Gamzee owo  
-hugs and kisses-  
I think you are one motherfucking awesome troll, as a matter of fact, you are my favorite troll.  
Well here's my question.  
What do you and your buddy Tavros do when you are hanging out?

-tC kisses you on your human 'Russian' nose and hugs you-

hONk :O)

wElL wHeN mE aNd TaVbRo HaNg OuT wE rAp

pLaY fIdUsPaWn

rAp

fEeLiNgS jAm

rAp

rAp

*cough cough* kIsS *cough*

rAp

dRiNk FaYgO

aNd MoThErFuCkIn RaP :O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	99. sIgNs AnD fAmIlY

hOnK iF yOuR hOrNy ;O)

Hey there dude!

In between attempting to ride a unicycle and a making dagrams.. uh. Letters are fun?

Anyway. How do you think you and the others would react to meeting someone who shared your symbol, but wasn't a troll or human?

Oh, also, after studying for awhile, I learned that Capricorn is (in my totally biased oppinion) the best rising sign ever Kudos to you, bro! (And also the other guys, but mostly you. -)

Later!

tHeN wHaT wOuLd ThEy MoThErFuCkIn Be? DO:

Hi again Gamzee!  
So I wanted to ask you if you've had any human foods and if not, which one would you love to eat? What's your favorite animal? What do you think of your dancestor Kurloz? Why'd you give yourself those scars?

One more question, if you, GHB and Kurloz were a family, how would it work out?

I still loves you! *huggles*

wElL wE hAvE a DeLiCaCy CaLlEd CoTtOn CaNdY

i AlSo LoVe Me SoMe MoThErFuCKin PiZzA :O)

mY fAvOrItE aNiMaL?

cHaMeLeOnS aRe PrEtTy MoThErFuCkIn MiRaCuLoS

cHaNgIn CoLoRs AnD sHiT

cOuLd WaTcH tHeM fOr HoUrS

and kurloz

HE IS MOTHERFUCKING WEAK

He does not deserve to be

A MOTHERFUCKIN MAKARA

he is nothing but an errand boy

THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD WOULD BE MOTHERFUCKING ASHAMED

~stay honking :O)


	100. HAPPY 100!

HAPPY 100TH CHAPTER MOTHERFUCKERS! :OD

HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK! :ODDDDD

Hey Gamzee! What do you think of Kurloz?  
And can I have advice? I hate my life so much but at the same time I have friends and family to care about, what should I do about this?

I AnSwErEd ThIs In ThE lAsT lEtTeR :O)

lOoK aT aLl ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN bEaUtIfUl ThInGs IN LiFe

sMeLl FlOwErS

eAt FoOd ThAt MaKeS yOu HaPpY

tAkE a SlImE bAtH

jUsT tAkE tHe TiMe To AlL uP aNd ChIlL

iT wIlL bE wOrTh It!

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	101. iM a PeV

lOvE yOu MoThErFuCkErS :O)

hey gamzee! can you tell me how you would feel if terezi and vriska were kismesis?

tHaT wOuLd Be KInDa MoThErFuCkIn HoT

hOnK

POOF tavros is now a girl What id the firet thing you do?

dOeS iT mAtTeR iF hEs A gIrL

HONK

iD pRoBaBly HoNk HiS mOtHeRfUcKiNg BoObS ;O)


	102. bIrThDaYs BuCkEtS aNd BlAcKrOm

Dear Gamzee,

It's my wriggling day, and now I'm nineteen years old (nine and a half solar sweeps), can I get a happy wriggling day from my patron troll, please? :D

Anyway, my question: cards on the table, have you ever filled a bucket?o: You don't have to say with who or anything; I'm just curious.

Also, one of my friends thinks they haven't been giving their kismesis enough hate lately; what would you recommend for ways she could surprise them with something special?

Sincerely,

Jinxie

HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING WRIGGLING DAY HONK HONK HONK :OD

-tC throws you a cold faygo with a bow on top-

oF cOaRsE i HaVe

iTs A rEqUiReMeNt Of TrOlL cUlTuRe

iF i DiDnT tHeY wOuLd ExEcUtE mE :O(

iF yOu MoThErFuCkIn NeEd To AlL uP aNd SuRpRiSe YoUr KiSmIsSiS

gIvE tHeM a RoMaNtIc StAp ;O)

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)

Writer: "Don't forget to follow my Tumblr: horror-terror-tamer!"


	103. tHrEe WiShEs

sHaKe It BaKe It BoOtY qUaKe It ;O)

Salutations Gamzee!  
I'm not a Capricorn, I'm a Leo like Nepeta, so RARW! But anyway, I just wanted to ask you that if you had three wishes, what would you wish for?  
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go enjoy a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwitch ;D (heh heh!)

mY fIrSt WiSh WoUlD bE tO hAvE mY mOtHeRfUcKiN fLuSh CrUsH tO aLl Up AnD bE mY mAtEsPrItE ;O)

mY sEcOnD wOuLd Be FoR a FaYgO jAcUzZi

aNd My LaSt WoUlD bE fOr YaLl To StAy MoThErFuCkIn HoNkIn ;OD


	104. jOnEs

hEy I jUsT mEt YoU

aNd ThIs Is CrAzY

bUt I aM gAmZeE

sO sTaY hOnKiN mAyBe :O)

*brings back couch and sits on it.*  
Sup again Gamzee! Thought you would want this back. Hehehe.  
Well here is some more questions  
1)Do you play video games? If so what kind?  
2)What do you think of Sollux?  
3)I know you like faygo but have you ever heard of Jones?  
Well that's all for now! See ya!

-tC sits on couch with you-

i AlL uP aNd AnSwErEd ThE fIrSt QuEsTiOn In ThE cHaPTeR vIdEo GaMeS

aNd tWo

(hOnK HoNk He LIkEs TwOs :O))

hEs PrEtTy ChIlL

iD sLaM a FaYgO wItH hIm

pLuS i AlL uP aNd HeLpEd HiM fInD hIs EyE bRoWs :O)

aNd WhO iS tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR jOnEs?

dId He ToUcH mY fAyGo?

iLl SlAp A mOtHeRfUcKeR :O|

~sTaY hOnKiN


	105. rOlEpLaY

i KnEw YoU wErE tRoUbbLe WhEn YoU hOnKeD iN :O)

omg that was hilarious!

omfg I read that and thought of my RP which made me think, How do you and the other trolls feel about people Roleplaying as you? (and since I have met a Sollux who did not know what roleplay is, it is where people pretend to be you guys and do things as you)

gC: TH4T M4NY HUM4NS 4R3 BL1ND 0R… :?

tA: plea2e tell me they don't 2hiip me wiith ed

aC: :33 *ac squ33s and faints furom the sh33r pawsomeness*

cC: that's R-EALLY flattering 38)

cG: OH FUCK ME.

gA: I Hope They Use Nice Fabric When Cosplaying.

tA: uHHH,,, pEOPLE ACT LIKE ME FOR,,,eNJOYMENT? }:O

aG: of course everyone should want to 8e me ::::)

cA: are any of these role plays in any wway romantic?

aA: 0k. that's nice

cT: D- oh my….

pEoPlE lIkE tO rOlEpLaY mE :O?

Writer: "Gamzee, I'm doing that as we speak."

wAy To BrEaK tHe FoUrTh WaLl SiS

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	106. kArKaTs SlImE tRiP

i GeT hIgH wItH a LiTtLe HeLp FrOm My FrIeNdS hOnK :O)

Hello Gamzee! I have a few questions for you.  
1) What would you do if you suddenly ran out of Faygo? D:  
2) How many times have you accidentally dropped something in the ocean?  
3) How many times have you interrupte something impo HONK :O) rtant with your honking?

That is all Gamzee, keep drinking the miracle elixer and eating your miracle/sopor pies!

P.S. Try to trick Karkat into eating your pies, I want to know what happens.

rAn OuT oF fAyGo

well my sister

I WOULDN'T MOTHERFUCKING BE DOING THIS WOULD I?

dRoPpIn ShIt In ThE oCeAn Is LikE mOtHeRfUcKiNg SeCoNd NaTuRe

i CaNt ReMbEr WhEn I dIdNt DrOp ShIt In ThE oCeAn :Oo

-cG enters with his stomach growling-

cG: FUCK. I'M SO HUNGRY.

cG: WHAT IS THERE TO EAT AROUND HERE ANYWAY.

-cG spies a normal looking muffin-

cG: FINALLY! SOMETHING TO SHOVE DOWN MY PROTEIN SHOOT.

-cG eats the muffin-

cG: THAT FEELS SO MUCH BETTER.

-tC enters looking concerned-

hEy BrO hAvE yOu SeEn A mUfFiN aRoUnD?

i MaDe SoMe SoUpEr MuFfInS tHiS mOrNiN aNd I hAd OnE lEfT

cG: M-MUFFIN?

yHeA yOu AlL uP aNd SeEn It?

cG: UHHH. I THINK I ATE IT.

-cG starts to shake franticly-

aW sHiT bRo ThAt WaS mY lAsT mUfFiN

-cG grips tC by the shoulders-

cG: I DON'T THINK YOUR FUCKING UNDERSTAND SLIME-FOR-BRAINS.

cG: I FUCKING ATE THAT SLUDGE YOU CALL SUBSTANANCE AND WHAT IS-

-cGs lips start to curl upwards-

cG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? AM I SMI-SMI-SMIL-

bRo YoUr ScArIn Me!

-cG turns with the creepiest grin on his face-

cG: WELL BE PREPARED CAUSE THINGS ARE GONNA GET WEIRD!

MOTHER OF GOG!

~stay honkin :oO


	107. sTaR pEoPlE, sUmMoNeR, sHoTs, AnD sMoOcH

i WiLl AnSwEr A bUnCh Of QuEsTiOnS iN tHiS oNe :OD

Star people, that's what! There are fourteen of them. It's just something I made up though, so whatever.

yOu ShOuLd TeLl Me MoRe AbOuT tHeSe MoThErFuCkeRS

rEaL oR nOt :O)

OH MY GOD GAMZEE QUICK!  
COQ RUFIOH'S COMING YOUR WAY!  
Oh wait..  
He's got rufiomilk for Equius.

iTs CoOl

RuFiOh Is A MoThErFuCkIn BrO!

-tC fistbumps Ruffioh-

how did youre first meeting with caliborn go?

…..

Motherfucker didn't have to all up and shoot me

HOW DOES HE HAVE SO MUCH MOTHERFUCKIN AMO?

DEAR FUCK ASS I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE IM TELLING YOU THIS BUT I LOVE YOU I WANT TO KISS YOU AND LOVE YOU BUT IM AFRAID YOU DONT LOVE ME BACK

bRo

uHhH

wErE aLl Up AnD mOiRaLs

bUt IlL tElL yOu WhAt

-tC kisses OOC cG on the cheek-

tHeRe YoU gO bEsT fRiEnD!

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	108. sOnGs, ShRuBeRy, AnD sAdNeSs

Ok Gamzee, I have a few things I wanna ask.

1) Have you ever listened some weird music and it got stuck in your head?  
2) Why do you have to be so adoreable? I mean come on, no matter what, you're adoreable.  
3) Please just let me give Eridan a hug. I kinda feel sorry for him. (Even though he's looks like a nerd. :P )  
4) Ok this isn't really a question but more of a statement. -holds up a small flag with the Taurs sign on it- Yay for Tarus! (Although I would've liked it better if I was a Capricorn. Heh heh.)  
5) If you were to choose any one of these three weapons, what would you choose? Option A: A katana. Option B: A scythe. Option C: A leaf. ( XD )  
6) Can I kick Karkat in the leg for the fun of it?  
7) With me being a samurai AND a demonic angel, I don't have time to rest without a random demon escaping Hell, in which I have to kill, ripping open a portal to this dimention. Any tips to help me relax? :(  
8) ... Have you ever had a someone close to you die...? ...I don't want to say why I ask this...

-black tears start to fall from my eyes and I quickly teleport to the corner of the room-

yHeA i MoThErFuCkIn LiStEn To MuSiC

cRrrrrYYYYyyyy MeEEe A rIIIvvvEEErrrrrr :O)

aW HONK tHaNkS :OD

-cA gets hugged-

cA: th-thank you c:

i don't KnOw BrO

tHaT lEaF mAy Be ToO mOtHeRfUcKiN hOt To HaNdLe :Oo

NO

yOu CaNt MoThErFuCKiN kIcK mY bEsT bRo UnLeSs YoU aLl Up AnD hAvE a GoOd ReAsOn

wHaTs A mOtHeRfUcKiN sAmUrI?

iS iT a TyPe Of SaNdWiTcH

i WoNt jUdGe If YoUrE a SaNdWiTcH bRo

sAmMiChEs ArE mOtHeRfUcKin cHiLl

tO rElAx JuSt DrInK a MoThErFuCkIn FaYgO

sOmEoNe… DiE

yHeA…. YhEa

i ReAlLy MiSs My GoAt DaD….

i… i… know that feeling…

~stay honking


	109. NOPE

Okay, LOOk, i knOw yOu LikE to hEat and Eat yOUr fUcking bEd jUicEs, BUt fOr fUcks sakE,  
can yOU stOp tELLing my fELLOw BLUE BLOOds tO Eat it?  
that it's sUch a fUcking miracle!? wE aLL knOw it jUst lacEs yOUr mind. :I

NOPE

nOpE

Bonjour Monsieur Gamzee!  
Flush crush eh? Who would that be! And please don't do that thing were your like 'what? I never said anything like that?' Because you totally did, and you and I know it!  
... Pleeeeeease? I'll send you a faygo! Or two?! Come on! You wouldn't leave a sister hanging would you?!

uHhH nOpE

nOpE

aLl Of My NoPe

nOpE

NOPE

NOPE

NOPE

~kEeP NOPIN


	110. sLeEp WaLkIn

SoRrY iT tOoK sO mOthErFUckIn LoNg

i AlL uP aNd GoT sIcK :O(

bUt NeVeRmInD tHaT

lEtS aNsWeR sOmE mOthErFuCkIn LeTtErS :O)

Dear Gamzee,

Thanks so much for the Faygo! I'm almost afraid to open it because it's so hard to find here, and I don't want to run out before I can find more. My friend says thank you for the kismesis advice; they've managed to get a spark going in their relationship again.

Anyway, do trolls ever sleepwalk? If so, have you ever come across one of your friends doing it?

Tell Eridan that he's not unloved, it's just that the people who love him are too far away to get to him. I've tried, but my arms don't seem to stretch far enough and/or I can't jump high enough.

Your fellow Capricorn,

Jinxie.

hEhE yHeA wE dO

i AlWaYs SlEePwAlK iNtO kArKaTs BeD :O)

cA: WILL YOU GET OUT OF BED BEFORE YOU FUCKING START REPLYING TO LETTERS DAMMIT.

sOrRy BeSt FrIeNd :O)

cA: mmm wwell good mornin fellas

cG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED AMPORA?!

cA: oh wwell look at that

cA: I must have sleptwwalked here

-cA quickly absconded-

oH wElL dRiNk Up MoThErFUckEr :O)

~sTaY hOnkIn :O)


	111. aLl AbOuT sAnDwItChEs

hEy AlL yOu PeOplE

hEy AlL yOu PeOplE

hEy AlL yOu PeOplE

wOnT yOu LiStEn To Me!

i JuSt HaD a SanDwiTcH

nO oRdINArY sAnDwItCH

a SaNdWiTcH FiLlEd WItH pEaNuT bUtTeR aNd JeLlY

bEsTfRiEnD yOu GoT tO tRy ThIs SaNdWitCH

tHiS mOthErFuCkIn SaNdWitCh

iTs ThE tAsTiEs SaNdWiTcH cAnT yOu SeEeEeE!

cG: STOP PLAYING ERIDANS RECORDS

Hi Gamzee!  
1) If Tavros ever admitted that he was flushed for you too, how would you feel?  
2) Who are you scared of the most in your life?  
3) Have you ever used Chucklevoodoos on any of the trolls? Just curious  
4) This is a statement? But I took your nose :o)  
4) And can I give Tav and you a hug? You're both sooo adorbs!

Love ya, you awesome clown

uHh

bRo

i UhH dOnT kNoW wHaT yOuRe MoThErFuCkIn TaLkIn AbOut :O|

iD bE sCaReD tO lOsE mY bEsT fRiEnD

i DoNt KnOw WhAt Id AlL uP aNd Do WiThOuT hIm

chucklevoodoos?

WHO MOTHERFUCKING TOLD YOU ABOUT THEM

thats top secret info sis

TOP MOTHERFUCKING SECRET

w-WaH

mY mOthErFUcKIN nOsE!

gIvE iT bAcK D:

-tC and aT sandwich hug fan-

~sTaY hOnKiN :)


	112. fIrE aNd FaNtRoLlS

Heyo Gam brotha!  
Well you are cold aren't you! Leaving me sitting in the corner here... Wondering... But then again you do have a right to your own privacy, but if you ever need to talk to someone about it and Karkat is... Occupied... I would be all too happy to listen :)  
Anyway, my question this time is, would you rather be able to shoot fire or water from your hands? Because you never know when this decision might come in handy ;)

i WaNnA mOtHeRfUcKiN sHoOt FiRe FrOm My hAnDs

bE aLl LikE pEw PeW pEw :O)

oh my god! finE, i'LL jUst go kiLL yoUr prEcioUs moiraiL. :I  
hopEfULLy that wiLL gEt throUgh yoUr hEaviLy LacEd think pan, mothErfUckEr. :/  
woof! :(  
yoU can BE ExpEcting a prEsEnt from mE soon, grapE vinE LittLE Bitch. :P  
hahahahaa-woofwoofwoofwoof! :)

WHAT DID I MOTHERFUCKING SAY ABOUT MOTHERFUCKIN FANTROLLS YOU MOTHERFUCKIN MOTHERFUCKERS

-cG shoosh paps tC-

cG: I THOUGHT WE MADE IT CLEAR. NO MORE FANTROLLS.

cG: HE GAVE YOU A FUCKING WARNING.

cG: YOU DO THIS AGAIN AND WE WILL REPORT YOU.

cG: GOT IT?  
hOoOoOoNk

cG: SHOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHH

~STAY HONKIN ):B


	113. lEgS

Hey Gamzee. It's the samurai again. Btw, a samurai is a type of warrior and I'm a girl. I have a reason for kicking Karkat. He gets ticked off to much. It drives me CRAZY. D:

Ok so now I have a problem. My ex-matesprite keeps following me even though I keep telling him to leave me alone. If he doesn't, I kick him in the leg but he ALWAYS comes back. Wtf to I have to do to get him away from me!? D:

cAnT wE aLl JuSt Be MoThErFuCkIn ChIlL wItH eAcHoThEr

wHaT iS wItH yOu AnD mOtHErFuCKiN lEgS DO:

aS fOr AdViSe

aLl Up AnD aCt LiKe ErIdAn

tHaT dRiVeS mE aWaY

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	114. cAlL mE mAyBe

HONK :O)

Hey Gamzee! How are you? I have some questions.

What is you favorite book? Also, what do you think of Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepson?  
Thanks :)

tRoLl FiFtY sHaDeS oF gReY

iTs MuCh MoRe FuCkIn CoMpleX wItH tHrEe ExTrA qUaDrEnTs ;O)

aS fOr ThE sOnG…

i ThReW a WiSh In ThE wElL

gC: D0NT 4SK M3 1 D1DNT SM3LL

tA: ii looked two you a2 iit fell

cG: AND NOW YOURE IN MY WAY

cC: I sold my soul for a fis)(

cA: penny and dimes for a kiss?

aT: uHHH,,, i WASENT LOOKING FOR THIS

aG: but now youre in my way!

aA: y0ur stare was h0ldin

gA: Ripped Skin, Guts Were Showing

cT: D- hot night wind was blowing

aC: :33 *ac say says* where you think your goin baby?

eB: hey I just met you

gG: and this is crazy!

tG: *sign* but heres my number

tT: so call me maybe?

gC: 1TS H4RD T0 L00K 4T Y0U B4BY

cG: BUT HERES MY NUMBER

~sTaY hOnKiN mAyBe ;O)


	115. cOd TeIr, CrUsHeS, aNd ChIlLiN

Gamzee,

Sup, Gamzee, name's Keiko Suzuki...but my real's name Capricorn.

Pretty weird for a normal girl, but for a zodiac personafication, no.

Cancer: CAPRICORN, I SWEAR TO GOG THAT IF YOU START TO RANT ON THIS GOGDAMN LETTER, I'LL LITERALLY KILL YOU. *HOLDS UP CLUB*

Lay off the damn caps lock! It's annoying me!

Cancer: WHY DO YOU QUESTION MY TALENT ON THE CAPS LOCK?! *glares at my best friend* Fine. But your typing quirk annoys me too, I mean, I can't even fucking understand the shit you write!

*Ignores Cancer* Anyway, here's a question, have you seen a green haired girl with green eyes? She's lost and hasn't come back at the Base in a while...

Cancer: Gemini isn't "lost", Capricorn. She just got lost because she wants to piss me off. And the fucking FACT THAT THE DUMBASS PRANKED ME AGAIN, AND LEFT WITH HER GOGDAMN CRYBABY TWIN SISTER!

Virgo isn't a crybaby, she's nice!

Cancer: SHUT UP.

Anyway, can I come over at your hive? I have Faygo with me!

-From Cancer and Capricorn

uHhH oK sIs

yOu BrInGiN yOuR bEsT fRiEnD?

wE cAn AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN cHiLl :O)

Wats up gamzee i just wanna say a few things first i love you your my favorite troll :0)...here's a few questions  
1. WHATS WITH YOUR GOD TIER PANTS?!(THE FREAK MY OUT TO KUCH EVERYTIME I SEE THEM SORRY)  
that your flushed for TaVrOs why don't you try another approach of asking him to be your matesprit T_T besides sloppy make outs(-wishes you good luck for your red crush-and supports you all the way)  
3. i just dying to know and dont say just put soper slime in a pie tin what is the slime really made out of?  
Last me and you rap sometime :03 ?plus not to mention slam down a FaYgO slot of them especially redpop? I'm sorry if i piss you off with any of my question curiosity got to me _ tell sollux that i love his eyes their just plain cool and your morial lay Off of the romcoms or what ever he calls them hell get to much headaches if he does and never mix it with human movies my opinion boring love movies horror movies on the other hand are better tell KaRkAt to watch the grudge you to gamzee and tell how you like it

oH hEhEhE

yOu MeAn My CoDtEiR pAnTs

wHy Do YoU aLl Up AnD hAvE tO qUeStIoN tHeM sIs?

jUsT eNjOy ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN vEiW ;O)

uHhH

yOuRe MoThErFuCkIN cRaZy

tHerEs No CrUsHeS

jUsT cAuSe TaVbRo Is AdOrIbLe

aNd HaS ThE MoSt DrEaMy EyEs

aNd HeS a GoOd MOThErFuCKiN kIsSeR-

uH i MeAn

hOnK

hOnK

lEtS mOvE tO tHe NeXt QuEStIoN

sOuPeR?

uHhH

iD tElL yOu If I CouLd

tHaT sHiT iS mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcUlOs

iM 95% sUrE iTs MaDe FrOm MiRiClEs AnD sPeCiAl StArDUSt :O)

wE cAn AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN hAnG oUt

-tC throws redpop faygo to fans-

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	116. mUrDeR

Hello Gamzee,

Just wanted to start off by telling you how completely and undeniably amazing and perfect you are. Anyways, *hugs self nervously* my matesprite cheated on me with my moirail. I feel like a failure. I don't know what to do, and I asked Karkat, but all he told me to do was to beat them with a shovel. I don't really want to though. What do you suggest?

And hmmm... my friend wants to know if you play League of Legends.

Thanks, maybe I'll talk to you later!  
Grimdark Horror Rain

P.S. Aw Eridan... Never feel sad. You are loved. At least by me. I love you. A lot. Just thought you should know. *Blushes and turns away*

-tC gets hugged- HONK :O)

i ThInK iD hAvE tO aLl Up AnD aGrEe WiTh My BeSt FrIeNd

cHeAtInG iS tHe NuMbEr OnE mOtHeRfUcKiN cAuSe Of MuRdEr FrOm SoMe RaNDoM cHaRt I aLl Up AnD pUlLeD oUtTa My AsS lIkE TrOlL mArRy PoPpInS aNd HeR hUgE mOthErFuCkiN cArPeT bAg

kill em

KILL EM

Er… uh

lEaGuE oF lEdGeNdS? hOnK

cAnT sAy IvE aLl Up AnD hEaRd Of It

pS

eRiDaN tOlD mE tO aLl Up AnD tElL yOu To MeEt HiM oN tHe RoOf FoR mOtHeRfUcKiN sLoPy MaKeOuTs

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	117. pHOToS aNd PeWdIePiE

qUiCkIe ;O)

Allos Gamzee, I am Stephano!  
Actually... no I'm not! Never mind :P  
Yup, fire is wicked awesome but my new question is How do you feel about the fanart drawn about you? Do you think its realistic? I know I'd find it flattering, but do you perhaps think it's creepy sometimes?

iVe OnLy SeEn A FeW

aNd I ThInK iTs AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN aCuRaTe

bUt YoU mOtHeRfUcKErS lIkE tO dRaW mE gEtTiN aLl Up AnD fRIeNdlY wItH mY bEsT fRiEnD

aNd MoThErFUCkIN eRoTiC pIcTuReS wItH eQuIuS

-tC shudders-

~sTaY hONkIn BrOs ;OD


	118. fOr ThE fAnS

iM gOnNa Do A BuNcH oF mOtHeRFUckIn LeTtErS iN tHiS oNe

Heeey Gaaamzzeee..  
How would you feel if someone drank aallll of yoouur faygoo?  
Oh, and which do you prefer faygo or sopor slime?

aLl Of My FaYgO

MOTHERFUCKER

WHO DID IT

-cG shoosh paps tC-

cG: GAMZEE CALM THE FUCK DOWN THEY SAID IF

-tC settles down-

*sign* oK oK

tHaNkS bEsT fRiEnD

aNd I cOuLdNt ChOoSe BeTwEeN tWo MIrAcUlOuS gIfTs

yOu GoTtA lOvE eVeRyThInG eQuAlY

hOnK:O)

Dear Gamzee,

Uh, I'm kind of in this awkward position on where two of my friends want to be my moirail, But I all up and already have one, And their kind of, Er- How should I say this, Uhhhh... Okay, Their ex-Matesprit and shit, So it's incredibly awkward for me, I asked to be in another quadrant, But I ended up being yelled at and shit, So now they scare the me to bits and I have to all up an hide behind my moirail. Any help, Please? *puppy eyes* ; A ;

Terribly sorry if this is a bit long, But finally, If it's not too much to ask, Can I hug Fef since she is my patron troll? It's okay if not, But you can still have this bag full of Faygo :3

Cheers,  
A very worried Ammy

wElL iF tHeYrE mOthErFuCkIn YeLlIn At YoU

mAyBe ThEy WaNnA bE aLl Up In YoUr BlaCk QuAdReNtS :O)

-fan hugs cC-

cC: )(-E)(-E gamz-e-e your fri-ends are all to CUDDLY!

hEh I kNoW sIs

a BaG oF fAyGo :O?

aRe YoU fRoM mOThErFUCkIn EaRtH cAnAdA?

hOnK

This story is interactive and therefore unallowed under the site guidlines. Try accepting requests only through PM, coming up with the questions yourself, or taking it down.

nO cAn Do

tHiS mAkEs My FaNs HaPpY

aNd ThAt AlL uP aNd MaKeS mE hApPy

aNd If ThAt MeAnS mOthErFuCkiN bReAkIn A fEw RuLeS

tHaN sO bE iT

aNd AlWaYs

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	119. gEtTiN sLiMeD

yOu MoThErFuCkErS wRiTe FaSt!

ok, i have a serious question, what really is soper slime, does it have like, healing properties? or is it a narcotic drug of some sort? and does it have a different effect on humans than it does trolls?  
please reply

can you also give a hug to tavbro for me? i can't find him anywhere!

sOuPoR sLiMe Is MoThErFuCkIn MIRiClEs

iTs AlL uP aNd UsEd In OuR rEcUpRiCoOnS

iTs A mOthErFuCkIn SediTiVe

i'Ve NeVeR aLl Up AnD gOt ThE cHaNcE tO gEt A hUmAn To TrY iT

rOsE iS tOo SmArT

jAdE wOnT fAlL fOr It

kArKaT wArNeD jOhN aLrEaDy

aNd DaVe

tHaT mOtHeRfUcKEr

iVe sEeN hIm HiGh ThO

hE aLl Up AnD sMoKeS wEeDs

wHaTeVeR tHe MoThErFuCk ThAt MeAnS

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)

p.S tAvBrO iS pReOcUPIED aT tHe MoMeNt ;O)


	120. hEtTaStUcK

PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~~- honk :O)

Gamzee,

*gives you goat plushie* Here. A goat plushie. You may have it.

And don't mind Cancer much. She's just here to comment on whatever I write.

Cancer: You know Karkat? Pissy troll who has my zodiac sign? Tell him that he owes me something. I forgot what it was...

Anyway, how will you react to this show we saw...um...Axis Powers Hetalia or something? And which character do you think that suits which troll?

-Capricorn and Cancer

cG: I OWE YOU NOOOOTHHHHHINNNNNGGGG!

yHeA i MOtHeRfUcKiN sEeN bItS n PeIcEs

aNd I aLl Up AnD sEeN tHeSe CoNnEcTiOnS pEoPlE mAdE:

gC: P3OPL3 T1NK 1D G3T 4L0NG W1TH 4M3R1C4

tA: I gue22 people thiink iim like japan

aC: :33 what is a Lichtenstein?

cC: I wond-er if t)(is Italy guy lik-es fis)(?

cG: WHO THE FUCK IS RAMANO?

gA: Is France A Human? I Don't Get It?

aT: uHH,,, wHATS A CANADA? }:(

aG: Does this Prussia guy think hes 8etter than meeeeeee?

cA: wwho the bloody hell does this 'england' think he is?

aA: I guess when I was alive, pe0ple think im like hungary

cT: D is Germany as STRONG as me?

aNd ThEy SaY iM lIkE rUsSiA? HONK:O)

~sTaY hOnKiN vEeEeEeEeE~~~~~~~~


	121. rApS

iS tHiS tHe ChAPtEr WhErE i TeLl YoU iF iM mOtHeRfUckin ReD fOr OnE oF mY bRoS?

NOPE :O)

Hey Gamzee. Ok so I apologize for my violent personality. I tend to go crazy and go into a violent mode. Heh heh... So anyway... My brother decided to jump in on this... Never trust him though... Btw he has his own little typing quirk so it's kinda hard to understand... So this is what he wants:

-ey Gamzee! O so -ave you ever fliped out and/or spazzed out for \O reason?

Ok so if you didn't understand his little quirk, here's the key:  
- means H.  
means K.  
\ means N.  
He has more quirks than this so you have been warned. LOL!

So my brother is annoying, right? Do you think duct tape will shut him up? :D

i HaVe No IdEa WhAt YoUrE tAlKiN a-HONK

HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOONK-bout.

Yo wats up gamzee!:0) your my top favorite troll no.1 infraction my name is blackfiremaster104 imma girl if your wondering...any ways heres my question or two do you deny your red feelings for a certain troll to the past letters?:0? 2. What's your opinion on human mystical creature myths have heard of vampires or battle one before? 3. Can i give you a human piggyback ride as well Tavro if he lets me? (Tavros is to adorable:03) blackfiremaster104 p.s can you teach me to rap like you cause you ROCK

aReNt VaMpIrEs LiKe MoThErFuCkIn HuMaN rAiNbOw DrInKeRs?

-aT and blackfiremaster hop on tC's back-

YoU wAnT a MoThErFucKiN rAP?

wElL oK!

sO yOu wOndEr BoUt mY lIfE

yOu WaNnA eXpLoRe?

wElL lEt Me Be ThE lEaDeR

oN ThIs MoThErFUcKiN tOuR

'rEzI eAtS cHaLk

bUt ShEs PrEtTy CoOl

'cEpT fOr ThAt ShEs DaTiN

tHaT sHaDe WeArIn FoOl

aNd ThIs BiPoLaR mOtHeRfUcKEr

tA bE

tHe FuCkIn IlLeSt CoDeR

uP iN tHe MoThErFuCkIn V

aC sAiLs ThRoUgH

wIth CaTs AnD bAcK rUbS

aNd ShEs A fUcKiN SMASH HIT

aT mOtHeRfUcKiN cLuBs

that's FeFeRi OvEr ThErE

uP oN tHe HoRn PiLe

bUt ShE tOo BuSy GlUbBiN

tO sIp On A vIlE

mY bEsTfRiEnD mY mOiRaL

kArKaT, mY dUdE

bUt JuSt BeCaUsE hE gOt My BaCk

dOnT mEaN hE aInT cRuDE

kAnAyA iS a FaShIoNiStA

bUt ThAt AiNt AlL

sHeS aLl Up AnD qUiCk

wItH a MoThErFucKiN cHaIn SaW

aNd TaVbRO?

aT: yHEA? }:)

yOuR cOoL fOr A pArAlYzEd MOThErFuCKeR

bUt NoT jUsT fOr A bRo

mAyBe FoR a LoVeR

aT: wHAT?

aNd VrIsKa ShEs A fIrEbAlL

a BlUe BlOoDeD fIgHtEr

bUt ShE cAn Be A BiTcH

yHeA sHeS a ReAl SpIdEr

eRiDaNs A sEaDwElLeR

a TrUe PiRaTe

bUt He AiNt GoTtA lOvEr

iN ANY fUcKiN qUaDreNt

aNd ArAdIA

sHeS a SoLiD sTeAl HoTtIe

bUt I sWeAr In EaCh AcT

sHeS iN a NeW bOdY

aNd ThIs MoThErFuCkEr HeRe

iS eQuIuS zAhAkK

iNsIdE iN a GeNtAlMaN

oUtSiDe : A rOcK

aNd Me?

iM jUsT gOnNa StOp TaLkIn

cAuSe ItS tImE tO gO sO yAlL

~sTaY hOnkiN :O)


	122. tAlKiN iN yO sLeEp

((There's rules against stories like this? What the hell?))

Dear Gamzee,

It must be fun to catch people sleepwalking; I've never actually seen anyone do it. I have heard people sleep talk, though, which brings me do my question: what sorts of things do your friends say in their sleep? Also, I know purple is your blood colour, but is it your favourite, or do you prefer another colour?

Yours truly,

Jinxie

wElL tErEzI aNd VrIsKA aLl Up AnD cAcKle In ThEiR sLeEp

sOlLuX aNd ArAdIa CoDe In ThEiR sLeEp

nEpEtA mEoWs

fEfErI gLuBs

kArKaT sWeArS bUt iF hE hAs A gOoD dAy He MoThErFuCkIn SiNgS iN hIs SlEeP

iVe bEeN tOlD i HoNk In My SlEeP

kAnAyA sLeEpS aT wEiRd TiMeS bEcAuSe Of ThE wHole RaInBoW dRiNkEr ThInG

tAvBrO hAs NiGhT tErRoRs AnD i UsUaLlY hAvE tO aLl Up AnD cOmFoRt HiM

eRiDaN 'NYEHS' iN hIs SlEeP

bUt IvE nEvEr SeEn EqUiUs SlEeP

-tC shudders-

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	123. hOuNdS, HeLmEtS, hOeS, AnD hEaRtS

yOu MoThErFuCkErS aRe So CuTe :O3

Sup!  
Have you ever considered getting a bark beast? So you could take it for walks or teach it tricks?

i WaNtEd To BuT iM aFrAiD tHe OtHeRs MiGhT hUrT hIm If ThEy AlL uP aNd CoNfUsE iT fOr JaCk NoIr

:O/

H3Y M0R31L'5 D4NC3570R,

1 G07 N07H1N 70 54Y 70 Y0U, 4P4R7 FR0M, H0W'5 L1F3? D0 Y0U H4V3 A H3LM37?

FR0M 7UN4

oH hEy MoThErFuCkEr

yHeA iVe BeEn WeArIn ThE hElMeT tHiS wHoLe MoThErFuCkIn TiMe

tHoUgHt SoMeOnE wOuLd Of AlL uP aNd NoTiCe

Dear Gamzee,

Thank you so much Mister Gamzee! I never thought of that, I'll asked them that later, oh, my moirail wants to say something to you, Hold on...

N: SUPPPPPPPPPPPP, BROOOOOO. I HEARD YOU MAKE SOME SICK RHYMES, let me hear some bro!

... I can not believe you just typed that...

N: Hey, don't be hatin'. Oh wait! HATERS GONNA HATE ;3

... Ah, Look at the time, you should-

N: WAIT! Don't you love me and shit? I THOUGHT WE WERE MOIRAILS!? QAQ

-Get some Faygo that's in the fridge... Anyway, Since my moirail/bro is emotionally unstable due to his matesprit dumped him, I am going to be bitch hunting, If you don't mind, Please comfort him in anyway you can while I'm away, Thank you Mister Gamzee :) Oh! And yes, I live on the border of Canada, so I can just walk to the nearest shop and buy some Faygo.

Cheers!  
Ammy and N

i AlL uP aNd PuT DoWn SoMe SiCk FiReS iN a FeW lEtTeRs BaCk

hEh YhEa I uNdErStAnD

lIkE i SaY

bItChEs AnD hOeS aRe LiKe NeW cLoThEs

oNcE yOu GoT eM yOu WiSh YoU nEvEr BoUgHt Em

Can I be your matesprit?

uHhH

wHo ThE mOtHeRfUcK aRe YoU :Oo

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	124. sHiT tOn Of LeTtErS

wItTy InTrO hErE :O)

This poem. This poem is genius. I have a plan: first i will give the faygo and poem, then if the feeling is not returned i will do the dance of many sex-butts until my love is fully shown. Then i will proceed to kidnap my soon-to-be matesprite and hope for the best this plan can not fail

cA: make sure to wwear extra body-butter for me ;)

mAkE sUrE yOu AlL uP aNd HaVe A pLaN c :O\

?... did gamzee just say sopor can be used for lube? That kind of lube? (If you catch my drift)

yEs AnNoN tHaT kInD oF lUbE ;O)

T-T gamzee babu your the nicest monster i have ever known -3- fuuuuck the feels.

dAwWwW yOuRe MoThErFuckIn SwEeT :O)

-tC hugs nope-

I honestly dont know if tavros, sollux, or gamzee wrote those last few lines... i give up. *gives up*

i-I dOnT tHiNk I aLl Up AnD uDeRsTaNd :O|

Omg eridan

cA: omg land dwweller

Hi gamzee :) i have a question for both you and Karkat though his problably might get him pissed a little...gamzee have you ever met the au version of yourself has human? And karkat have you ever thought of testing the romcom out yourself instead of watching them reason y asking is because I'm an expert.

iVe MeT mY fOuR cHoRdS sElF

hE sEeMs LiKe A ChIlL mOthErFuCkEr

dAmN oFfShOoT tImE lInEs SuRe ArE wEiRd

cG: …

cG: I'M GOING TO….

cG: GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

cG: YOU'VE JUST KILLED MY ONLY JOY IN LIFE.

cG: I'M GOING TO GO COMMIT SUICIDE NOW

-cG storms out to kill self-

dOnT wOrRy BrO

hE dOeS tHIS aLl ThE tImE

bUt He CaNt AlL uP aNd Do It

hE'lL bE bAcK lAtEr

Hello gamzee my new friend...imma Sagittarius like equis though find it were but don't get me wrong he's awesome. And shit but how do you handle him I'm never like him I'm more of a tiger obssessed person than hoofedbeast

tO bE mOthErFUcKiN hOnEsT

i JuSt TrY tO aLl Up AnD aVoId HiM aN-

-cT stares at tC from a distance-

hEs JuSt AlL uP aNd StAnDiN tHeRe…

MENACINGLY Do:

-cT slips into the shadows-

I…

8oC

Yo  
Have you ever heard of an anime show called full metal alchemist or watch it if so wat character is your favorite

tHaT sHoW

tHaT mOtHeRfUcKIn ShOw

tHe GiRl

hEr MoThErFuCkIn DaD

8'oC

Gamzee wats up -made you a soper cake and gives your redpop-  
Can i pick on eridan due to the fact he's funny to me :D

-tC eats cake while zahi plays keep away with cA glasses-

Yur awesome gamzee  
I need advice my ex-matsprite want to get back together for 4 time after dumping me way to many times should i get back with him again?

nOt UnLeSs YoU aLl Up AnD wAnT aNoThEr HeArT bReAk

tHaT ShIt Is LiKe AnTi-MiRiCleS

yOuR tOo MoThErFuCKiN gOoD fOr ThEIr ShIt SiS :O)

Hi again gamzee sorry for that last letter my thinking pan was on a overload TwT can u ever deal without FaYgO in your life or go crazy cause to that fact that's the reason of my overload i had no FaYgO for a whole week my morail had banned me from drinking it for two full monthes and I'm going crazy has we speak! Can you help a sis out!

THIS IS NOT A MOTHERFUCKIN DRILL

REPEAT

THIS IS

NOT

A MOTHERFUCKIN DRILL

THIS MOTHERFUKER IS ALL UP AND BEIN TORCHERED

DON'T YOU WORRY SIS

A SMALL METEOR WILL ALL UP AND CRASH IN YOUR YARD TONIGHT

IT WILL HAVE EIGHT CARES OF FAYGO

DON'T YOU MOTHERFUKIN DIE ON ME!

-cG comes in and turns off the alarm system-

cG: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO NOT USE THIS FOR YOUR 'FAYGO EMERGENCIES'.

oH hEy BeSt FrIENd

gLaD tO sEe YoUr StIlL mOtheRFuCkIn AlIvE :O)

cG: I TRIED TO OD WITH THOSE GUMMY VITIMINS IN THE CUBORD.

cG: I ATE THE WHOLE BOTTLE.

cG: AND NOT ONLY AM I NOT DEAD

cG: BUT NOW I HAVE A SORE JAW AND TWO CAVITIES.

cG: FUCK ME RIGHT?

hOnK :O)

cG: I SWEAR TO GOG YOU ARE THE DENSEST PIECE OF SHIT.

aW tHaNks BeAsT fRiEnD!

cG: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHH(tC: ~sTaY HONkIn :O)HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


	125. cAlIbOrN aNd CrEePeRs

hEy My JuGgAlOs

sOrRy I wAs AlL uP aNd MOThErFuCkIn SiCk

bUt Im BeTtEr NoW

sO bAcK tO lEtTeRs :O)

Gamzeeeeeeee I have a question againnnnnn  
So how do you feel about people pairing you up with all sorts of people? (Like to name a very random one, er... you and Jade or something)

Also, how did you feel about Caliborn beating you senseless?

And...and... well fuck i forgot the other question. Expect to hear back from me some day soon!

hEh As LoNg As ThEy DoNT pAiR mE wItH aMpOrA

aNd JaDe Is A MOThErFuCKIn FoXy SiStEr ;OD

caliborn

WHERE THE MOTHERFUCK DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT

Gamzee,

Cancer: YOU OWE ME FIVE, FIVE *HOLDS UP FIVE FINGERS, TECHNICALLY HER WHOLE HAND* FUCKING CRAB PLUSHIES. YOU HEAR ME?! FIVE FUCKING CRAB PLUSHIES. OR ELSE I'LL COME TO YOUR HIVE AND LITERALLY KILL YOU WITH MY CLUB.

Despite the fact that you had a crush on his-

Cancer: SHUT UP, CAPRICORN. *WALKS TO KARKAT'S HOUSE TO GET HER FIVE FUCKING CRAB PLUSHIES AND WAITING TO SEE IF SHE COULD BEAT HIM UP TO A BLOODY PULP*

Uh...okay...Cancer has...uh...anger issues.

Also, I'm considered to be like America...hyper and stuff. And Cancer's a mix of England and Romano...England when she is calm, Romano when she is angry.

Gemini: More like a pink-haired psychotic crab bitch who controls everyone's minds.

Considering the fact that Karkat and Cancer are practically doubles, so they bound to get the same persona.

Anyway, *holds up a peanut butter jar with the Capricorn sign on it* do you want to try this, if so...try it! And I've heard that sopor slime pie is really good...could I try it?

Oh yeah, and if Eridan's there, tell him...did you ask out Aquarius? (Indigo haired girl with indigo eyes...his double?) I heard from a pissed off Pisces that you asked her out...but I may not be too sure...

Anyway, I'll stop ranting for now.

From the purple haired zodiac,

Capricorn

P.S: Did you like the goat plushie I sent you?

cG: I OWN YOU NOTHING YOU DUMB FUCK

-tC catches the PB jar and blushes-

uHhH

SOPER!

mOtHErFuCkIn YeS yOu CaN

-cG takes the pie out of tC's hands-

cG: NOPE

-cG absconds-

cA: wwhat girl?

cA: I havve no idea wwhat you're talkin about

cA: I don't havve her locked in my hivve…

-cA absconds-

uHhHh

iM jUsT gOnNa AlL uP aNd SaVe ThIs GiRl

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	126. sHiPs, SpRiNGrOlLs, AnD sAdNeSs

gOtTa GeT bAcK iNtO ThE MoThErFuCkIn SwInG oF ThInGs:O)

Hola Gamzee!  
So I was just wondering... Do you have any ships?! Maybe if you don't have any nepeta could help!

nEpEtA i NeVeR kNeW yOu AlL uP aNd SeLl BoAtS :Oo

aC: :33 hehehe no silly I pair people up with other people in quadrents

oHhH wElL wHo Do YoU sHiP mE rEd WiTh :O?

aC: :33 oh that's easy!

aC: :33 I ship you with tavros!-

-NEXT

aC: :3?

…nExT mOtHeRfUcKiN qUeStIon :O|

Dear Gamzee,

Oh, how swell! What you said was true, Bitches and hoes are new clothing indeed, But also, My moirail is feeling much better now that I made him some-

N: SPRING ROLLLLLLLS :DDDDD

Yes, spring rolls, which gives us the question of the day, have you ever had spring rolls before and if not-

N: THEY ARE MADE OF FUCKING MIRACLES, EAT THEM, EAT THEM NOWWWWW!1!1

Haha, Well, I assume this is all my moirail can say since he's wolfing down my food, But I hope you have a nice day Mister Gamzee.

Cheers!  
Ammy and N

-tC alchemizes spring rolls and puts one in his mouth-

I uH

-tC gags-

I dOnT lIKe ThEsE mIrIcLeS DO:

-tC get sick a bit-

sOrRy I mIghT lIKe ThEsE a LiTtLe MoRe If I hAdEnT bEeN aLl Up AnD sIcK :OC

Okay, never saw shit about the fantrolls thing, but whatever, I'll be serious from now on :D

going on to the next thing, I for serious have a little relationship problem.  
She says she doesn't want me to change, that I am in fact "perfect" to her.  
and yet, she fucking gets mad at me about my views, or when I flip out about how she treats me.  
it's more like "You're perfect but you have to change or i wont respectyou."  
and bluh...  
she finds parts of my personality disgusting, such as my pervyness and attraction to human female breasts.  
and, well... it is ME! ... you know? It feels like a chunk of me is torn out whenever i hear it...  
And she hides little things from me... secrets... but it shouldn't matter,  
she should be willing to tell me everything IF I HAVE TOLD HER EVERYTHING SHE ASKS!  
It's not fare, Gamzee, and I don't know what I should do...  
I love her with all of my being, but... I just need an opinion on this...

thanks again  
woof,  
Dakkoo

wElL iF tHIS kEePs On MOThErFuCkIn KeEPiN oN iD sAy To PuT tHe LiD oN tHiS rEd QuAdReNt KaBoB :O/

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	127. pOpPiN, pIeS, aNd PoKeMoN

I wAnNa PoP sOmE tAbS

I oNlY gOt TwEnTy BoOn DoLlArS iN mY pOcKeT

i-Im HoNkIn

lOoKiN fOr A cOmE-uP

tHiS iS mOtHErFucKiN aWeSoMe :O)

Who do you think will when orginazation xii or you alone

wAt

hii thr gamz ii wa2 ju2t wondriin iif ¥ou would fiill buckt2 wiith ¥our fmale slf?

hElL mOtHeRfUcKiN yEs

Hi gamzee me again thanks foe your rap i love of it was catchy thank you...gamzee what would you do if you ever met death the kid and karkat would you try gamzees pies with me cause i wanna give it a try :0)

DTK: YOU ARE NOT SEMETRICAL

DTK: YOU NEED TO BE RID OF!

-DTK pulls out double pistols-

jUsT a WaRnInG

lAsT gUy WhO tRiEd ThAt ShOt OvEr TwEnTy MoTHErfUcKiN rOUnDs

AND IM STILL MOTHERFUCKIN HERE :O)

cG: OH NO.

cG: HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO SMACK A PIE OUT OF HIS HANDS FROM PEOPLE ASKING HIS THIS SHIT.

cG: NO

cG: NO

cG: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO

Dear Gamzee,  
I'm not sure if this has been asked yet, but, do you like Pokemon? If so, who's your favorite pokemon and why? :?

I mOThErFUCkIn LoVe SmEaRgLe :O)

if you had to choose between to songs and your options are only baby by justin beiber and barbie girl by ciara and when you decide sing them now

cOmE oN bArBiE lEtS gO pArTy :OP

Dear Gamzee,  
II reaally liike you and II wa2 wonderiing, WIILL YOU GO ON A DATE WIITH ME?! pweeze? :3

wHeRe ArE yOu MoThErFuCkErS cOmMiN fRoM :O?

I dONt aLl Up AnD sEe My SeX aPeAL :O/

oH wElL!

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	128. fOr YoUr EnTeRtAiNmEnT

I sEe YoU dRiViN rOuNd ToWn WiTh ThE tRoLl I lOvE

aNd Im LiKe

hOnK yOu :O)

oK tHeSe LeTtErS aSk ThE sAmE mOtHeRfUcKiN qUeStIoN

Dear Gamzee,  
First, I wanted to say I'm really glad you're my patron troll :O) (I hope you don't mind that I used your nose.) However, I am a Capricorn-Aquarius cusp, and well...I don't want to be rude, but is it okay if I only claim you as my patron troll?  
Anyways. I've had to do in-depth studies on horoscopes, and I tended to focus particularly on Capricorn, who are "supposed to be" cold-hearted and very serious all the time, which is a complete opposite to who you are. So, how exactly did you become a juggalo and so carefree when your Zodiac is the complete opposite?  
(Sorry for the long letter!)

Dear Gamzee,  
First, I wanted to say how glad I am that you're my patron troll :O) However, I am a Capricorn-Aquarius cusp, and well...I don't want to be rude, but can I just say you're my ONLY patron troll?  
But, I am curious. I've had to do in depth studies on the horoscopes, and I tended to focus a little more on Capricorn. And the whole you being a juggalo and very carefree kind of confuses me, since Cap's are "supposed to be" serious and cold-hearted most of the time. Care to explain how that worked out?  
(Sorry for the long letter!)

wHeN i WaS a LiTtLe TrOlL

i UsEd To GeT aLl Up AnD bOtHeReD wHeN gOaT dAd DiDnT cOmE hOmE

iD lAy In My ReCuPrEcUn AlL dAy

uNtIl oNe MoThErFuCKiN dAy I hAd GoTtEn SoMe SoUpOr In My MoUtH

aNd I iNsTaNtLy FeLt CaLmEr

iT wAs A MoThErFuCkIn MiRiCaLe :O)

yo, bro. I would like to say that I no longer need your advice.  
I just met my girlfriend, and she's just so perfect! I just got back... and now I'm so sad. :'(  
I think she's the one, you know? She's stubborn, snobby, and... well... perfect.  
she's opposite in so many ways, but we connect like a key into a lock.  
so, i'll ask you something else.  
Mind cheering me up in some way?  
Maybe show me one of your goofy conversations with your buds? :')

aW sUrE iLl AlL uP aNd GiVe YoU tHe ShItS aNd GiGgLeS :O)

tT: so let me get this straight

tT: you all have books that you want me to publish?

tT: well ok.

tT: aradia? your book?

aA: my b00k is called The Happiest Little Din0saur

aA: it's ab0ut a din0saur that is s0 happy that he dies

tT: uhhh… ok… feferi?

cC: my book is call-ed Sad Minnow

cC: it's about a sad minnow t)(at g-ets c)(eer-ed up by )(is fri-ends! 38D

tT: that's nice

tT: and uh…

tT: karkat?

tT: you have a book…?

cG: YES

cG: IT'S CALLED SHAPES.

tT: uhh o-

cG: IT'S A ROMANTIC COMEDY.

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	129. mEtEoRs,MoIrAIlS, aNd MiRiCaLeS

hOw MuCh DoEs A pOlAr BeAsT wEiGh?

eNoUgH tO bReAk ThE MoThErFuCkIn IcE

hI iM gAmZeE mAkArA ;O)

Dear Gamzee,  
1 Do you think you can help me get back the faygo my friend stole from me? I can't seem to get it off of them because they say that it makes me go all hyper or something. I never really pay attention. I just really need help getting it back.

2 By the way... can I take Eridan home with me? He is just so cute.

3 Um... do you have any tricks to help me stop my friend's brother from going through my stuff?

4 I actually saw some ...stuff... with you and Eridan... Care to explain?

From,  
NobodyAlive

-tC reaches to the alarm button-

cG: OH NO YOU DON'T

cG: I TOLD YOU TO STOP USING THIS FOR YOUR GODDAMN FAYGO EMERGENCY PROBLEMS

-cG smacks his hand away-

cG: NOW GET AWAY FROM THESE BUTTONS OR I WILL HAVE TO SEND YOU TO THE CORNOR.

-cG absconds-

HONK

dOnT wOrRy

iLl ApPlY a PaRaChUtEe To ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN mEtEoR tHiS tImE

tHe LaSt OnE aCiDeNtAlY cRaShEd iNtO sOmE pLaCe CaLlEd RuSsIa

oOpS :O/

yOu CaN hAvE eRiDaN

cA: finally someone appreciates me!

iF hE tRiEs To CoMmIt MaS gEnOcIdE

jUsT tAkE oFf HiS mOtHeRfUcKiN gLaSsEs

mOtHeRfUcKeR cAnT sEe WiThOuT tHeM

tRy ThIs AlSo WiTh YoUr BrOs MoirAiL :O)

WHERE THE MOTHERFUCK DID YOU FIND THOSE

Hey gamzee glad your feeling better I'm doing well a little but sick still i can't smell anything at all anyways why did you call off your morail quadrant off with karkat and y didn't you fill your part of it! 8'0(

mAyBe BeCaUsE SOMEONE wOnT lEt Me ToUcH THE MOTHERFUCKIN EMERGENCY BUTTON

Gamzee,

Never mind the PB jar, mind the ICE CREAM...

AS (Aquarius): ERIDAN, I SWEAR TO THE FUCKING WATER BEARER THAT I'LL KILL YOU WITH MY FUCKING AWESOME SWORD, IF YOU DON'T LET ME OUT! OR WAIT, I'LL KILL YOU AND USE MY WIND POWERS TO BOMB THIS PLACE!

Uh, Eridan? Do you realize that she can teleport out of your hive?

AS: *taps cA's shoulder and looks PISSED*

Another question...how do you feel about...Sailor Moon? The whole anime, not just the character.

CR (Cancer): Karkat. Crab plushies. NOW. OR ELSE...*has his sickles in hand* I'll give these to Capricorn.

Yay! More sickles!

Anyway, see you later!

From the goat zodiac,

Capricorn (and Cancer)

iCe CrEaM :Oo

-tC eats ice cream while cA gets the shit beaten out of him and cG runs across the room with an arm full of plushies-

sAiLoR mOoN iS oNe MIRaCuLoUs SiStEr ;O)

~sTaY HoNkiN :O)


	130. tO iNfInItY aNd AbScOnD

sO mUcH aBsCoNdInG :O)

Yo gamzee i have friends that iM chilling with today one them hacked my computer and now they all wanna ask questions or whatever _ (sorry)  
DN: sollux say Mississippi w/o lisp and ill give you ANYTHING you want:]  
Gluttony: karkat i demand you to eat soper slime pie or ill strap you down and force you to eat votech if you say no ill take away your romcoms videos  
Yin and Yang twins: can we have eridan has matesprits if he wants two of them 3 :3  
Envy: hey can i be your kismesis gamzee  
GD : kanaya can i be your student and learn about fashion your way  
Ryuk: fed can i swim with you  
Blade: nepata can i be your friend  
Death: dance to the random miracle song hangman style gamzee

Blackfiremaster104: my friends are crazy but they like all ofyou. From blackfiremaster104 and friends oh yeah gamzee HoNk blackfiremaster104 :0)

Sollux say Mississippi with out lisp and ill give you mind honey :)

Hey sollux say Mississippi and ill give you ANYTHING YOU WANT  
With out lisp :]

Sollux say Mississippi w/o lisp and ill give you ANYTHING you want :]

Sollux say Mississippi w/o lisp and ill give you ANYTHING you want :]

tA: JEGU2 GRII2T!

tA: ok fiir2t off ii CANT ju2t turn thii2 2hiit off

tA: second why would ii want mind honey

tA: what part of UNDER ANY ciircum2tance2 DO NOT EAT THE MIIND HONEY

tA: and thiird why 2hould ii listen two you guy2 anyway?

tA: all you give me are qe2tiion2 and kiick2 iin the nut2 from aa

tA: 2O SERIIOU2LY

tA: fuck

tA: thii2

tA: 2hiit

-tA absconds-

cG: YHEA I'M GONNA HAVE TO ABSCOND WITH THE PISSED OFF NERD

cG: THAT SHIT IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OT HAPPENING

cG: YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN SOME OF THE EFFECTS

cG: FUCKING NOPE

-cG fucking absconds-

cA: wwell wwhen you put it like that

Writer: NOPE

-Writer drags cA away on leash and absconds-

sOrRy BrO

tHaT qUaDrEnT iS aLl Up AnD oCcUpIeD…

-gA enters with chainsaw out and ready-

gA: My Auspitice Senses Were Tingling-

gA: Oh, My Did You Say Fashion?

gA: You've Come To The Right Place!

gA: First We Need A Model!

aLl bE yOuR mOdEl SiS :O)

gA: Actually I Was Looking For A Female Model

-cC enters-

cC: did t)(ey say swi-

gA: Feferi! Just In Time!

gA: Would You Like To Be My Model?

cC: u)()( well I was on my way to swim wi-

gA: Wonderful!

-gA grabs cC and puts her on a platform-

gA: You See, Here We See Someone Who Clearly Has No Time For Fashion!

cC: w)(at?!

gA: Especially When She's Always Soaking Wet!

cC: I beg your pardon ms maryam-

gA: And All Of That Unruly Hair Gets In The Way!

cC: YOU B-EAC)(!

cC: DON'T TALK ABOAT MY )(AIR LIK-E T)(AT!

gA: Oh I'm Sorry I'm Just Giving An Example Darling-

cC: I N-EV-ER!

-cC storms off, absconding-

gA: Oops…

dAMn SiS

gA: Oh Hush Gamzee!

-gA absconds-

wElL sHit :O|

aC: :33 yes!

aC: :33 you don't mind roleplaying do you?

-Writer comes back-

Writter: Someone say roleplay?

hAnGmAn StYlE :O?

Writter: I think they ment 'Gangnam Style'

oH! that MaKeS a LoT MoRe SeNsE :O)

-tC aggressively gangdnam styles twords Writter-

-Writter violently twerks away-

wElL tHiS hAs BeEn OnE oF mY mOsT aWkWaRd UpDaTeS!

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	131. gOiN cLuBbIn

sOmEtImEs ItS hArD tO pOoP :O/

Dear Gamzee,

Aw, You were sick? If I have known, I would oh got my ass off my couch, Go into the kitchen and made some miraculous soper pies! D:

Oh! And Gamzee, Do trolls have phones? If you don't, Then you can never feel the hilarious after effects of the dreaded thing that is the ringtone.

Okay, See, I may or may not have built a teleporter that lead into your meteor and record one of your's and Tav's raps. I just thought it was too cute to NOT to put it for my ringtone. Then... It suddenly rang in the cafeteria, And my moirail, And some of my friends who got know of the trolls fell down on their chairs and started rolling on the floor...

N: OH GOD, THAT WAS TOO FUNNY! XD

No it certainly wasn't! I found the event quite embarrassing! And last question of the day, Can I borrow Nepeta? We were in a conversation of ships, But unfortunately Equius kicked down the door and absconded with Nepeta in hand... I was a sad little kitten ; w ;

Cheers!  
Ammy

wHaTs A mOtHeRfUcKiN pHoNe :O?

cT: I do not want my moirail hanging around with an alien hooligan

aC: :33 you honestly worry too much equius!

Gamzee,

CR: *gives sickles back* At least you gave me my payment back...*grabs plushies* Now, what should I name this things?

AS: *comes back from beating up Eridan* Hey, Capricorn! Lookie what I got! *is wearing Eridan's glasses* How do I look, Gamzee? Awesome, or Very Awesome?

Anyway, have another question, what is you relationship with Equius? I mean, I know he practically worships you and is a Sagittarius...but here, as one with your zodiac sign, me and Sagittarius (my rival/enemy) fight each other...A LOT.

Anyway, two words. RAVE. PARTY. Will you do it?

So...see ya later,

Capricorn (and Cancer and Aquarius)

yOu lOoK aWeSoMe SiS :O)

aS fOr EqUiUs…

-cT's staggering breathing can be heard from across the room as he stares down tC sweating profusely-

":,Oc

rAvE pAr-

cG: YOU PEOPLE NEED TO STOP GETTING HIM ADDICTED TO THESE THINGS

cG: HE IS CONSTANLY BLASTING HIS SHITTY MUSIC WHILE HE GETS HIGHER THAN HE USUALLY IS

cG: LAST TIME I FOUND HIM SLEEPING IN THE VENT COVERED IN GLITTER, HONEY MUSTARD AND WEARING NOTHING BUT ONE SOCK

cG: ON HIS HORN.

aW yOu NeVeR lEt Me Do AnYtHiN g FuN DO:

Gamzee'

What are your thought on people shipping you and Nepeta?

here's a motherfucking nepeta ship for you

NEPETA AND MY MOTHERFUCKING CLUB

honk

HONK

~stay honkin brother :O)


	132. I JUST FUCKING HATE DAVE OK :OI

mY hOnKs

mYhOnKsMyHoNkSmYhOnKs ;O)

Gamzee!

First of all, how are you on this miraculous day? Anyways, me and my counterpart wanted to know if you learn to do anything in your life, what would it be? Any luck with your one wheeled device yet? If Karkat and Tavros weren't your best friends, who would be? What's your worst fear bro?

iD lEaRn To RiDe My MoThErFucKiN oNe WhEeL dEvIcE :OI

mY wOrSt FeAr Is To LoOsE mY tWo BrOs

i DoNt HaVe AnYoNe MoThErFuCkIn LeFt DO:

Nepeta ships you red with Tavros?!  
HEHEHEEE! Leo's for life! We're fiery, fun and have the best taste in ships ;)  
Thought I do suppose this is more of a statement so... Have you ever played a horror game? Like slender or amnesia the dark descent? You sooo should, they're really motherfucking scary :)

:#OI

uHhH hOrRoR gAmEs YoU sAy

kArKaT aNd I pLaY sLeNdEr OnCe

hE aLl Up AnD sLeEpS iN mY ReCuPrIcOoN nOw

Thanks for the cheering up, and I'm glad you didn't die from a fucking human disease or something. w  
Anyways, I was gonna ask one or two questions, if that's fine?

1) so, I like your mad raps, sound far out wicked. :) mind busting a few beats?

2) Did you used to feel any black feelings towards Dave after he showed you that ICP video? Or was that towards Violent-J and Shaggy? /:o

i CaUgHt ThE hUmAn FlU

bUt NoW iM bAcK lIkE a BeAsT

aNd DaVe CaN aLl Up AnD sUcK

oN mY fUcKiN cOdPeIcE

Gamzee wat would u do if you met envy from full metal alchemist

NOPE :OC

Hi gamzee thanks for the faygo last time you saved me i still have one last crate left wanna share with me and i think i have now gotten use to your cod piece ;0)

sUrE mY mOtHeRfUcKiN bRoThEr :O)

pS iLl LeT dAvE dEmOnStRaTe HoW iT mOtHeRfUcKiN wOrKs

Hello Bard of Rage, I've got a miracle-filled letter for you. And there are questions, do not worry. First thing's first though, just gotta get something out of my system.  
*kicks Dave in the stomach* PWND!  
*clears throat* Anyways. A few questions, nothing you can't handle, eh? After all, you had to deal with the spitfire named Karkat Vantas for Gog-knows-how-long. No offense to him at all, but his temper seems to get the better of him everytime.  
1. So, if you could do anything right now, what would it be?  
2. Are all the trolls and humans in the same room as you? Or are you linked via chat or video uplink?  
3. Speaking of them, mind telling all of them I said hi? I can't do that myself right because I'm busy drawing facial hair on any picture I see of Hussie, Jack Noir, and the Midnight Crew. So much fun!  
4. Gamzee, you and the other trolls are now super heros or super villians. Blue team is evil, and Red team is good. Now, each one of you give yourself a power and a cool name.  
5. Last one. Okay. So, Gamzee. Ever used a grenade before? Here *hands over grenade* Be careful with it! And don't pull the little thing on top out! You'll blow up!  
I think that's good. Oh wait, for the next twelve reviews I do, each one of you gets a present. And today I start at the bottom. Yo Karkat, here. *hands over grey earmuffs* They're sound proof. Just stick 'em on, and complete silence! Look, I even put your Cancer mark on them. They adjust too so you can fix them if they are too loose or too tight.  
I'm done now. Well, longer than I thought, oops.

wElL yOu JuSt DiD WhAt I wAnTeD tO AlL uP aNd Do :O)

aNd UnFoRtIonAtLy ThEyRe AlL mOthErFucKiN hErE

gG: hi!

eB: hello! :B

tT: hello

tG: uggggggghghh…

RED TEAM ASSEMBLE!

gC: 1 4M L4DY JUST1C3 4ND 1 W1LL STOP 4T NOTH1NG UNT1LL 1 D3STROY 3V1L W1TH MY H34T V1S1ON!

gA: I Am Lady Jade Who Will Suck The Blood Of Evil

aG: I'm Mindfang and I'll 8eat the 8ad guys with mind control!

aT: uHH,,, aND iM PUPA PAN AND i CAN FLY! }:)

cG: THIS IS SO STUPID

gC: K4RK4T

cG: FINE

cG: I AM GENISIS AND I CAN KICK YOUR ASS WITH MY POWER OF WHOGIVESAHSHIT.

aNd Im ThE mIrThFuLl MesSeiAh AnD i CaN aLl Up AnD nEvEr DiE :O)

AND TOGETHER WE ARE THE JUSTICE LEAUGE

aG: laaaaaaaame

gC: SHUT UP 1TS 4 GOOD N4M3

BLUE TEAM ASSEMBLE

aC: :33 I am the purrley evil arsenic catnip and I will tear you limb furom limb with my claws of evil hehehehe:33

cT: D I am the STRONG centaur and I shall crush you with my STRENGTGH

aA: I am the gh0st and I will p0sess y0ur b0dy

cC: im the condence and I will bend water! 38D

tA: *2iign* ii am the 2oniic doom and ii wiill u2e my phiioniic power2 again2t you

cA: and im genocidal ruler and I wwill kill you wwith my ability of SCIENCE

tA: lame

cA: WWHO ASKED YOU SOL

AND TOGETHER WE ARE THE SUPER FIRE DEATH TEAM

cG: THIS IS STUPID

-cG gets ear muffs-

cG: THANK YOU

oH i AlL uP aNd KnOw HoW tO wOrK tHeSe :O)

-tC throws grenade at tG-

tG: FUCK!

hOnK :O)))))))))))))

Gamzee would you ever fill buckets with Dave

Would you ever fill buckets with Dave

Would you ever fill buckets with Dave

Would you ever fill buckets with Dave :)

:O|

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	133. pOkEs AnD pRaNkS

hOnK hOnK

fAlL iN lOvE :O)

Hi GaMzEe i just wanna say somethig to kArKlEs ... you are hI foR mE

cG: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

Hi gamzee glad your feeling better

Will you have a poke war with me and anyone else who wants to join except eridan and equius?  
Sorry equius your a little to strong for me but after the war would you mind helping me build a robot since your good at it  
Has for eridan i have a favor him fill a bucket by himself -steals his glasses while at it- B0) hehehehe

-tC vigorously pokes cH while cA runs around in the background-

cA: cod damn!

cA: howw and I supposed to fill buckets if i can't see a damn thing?!

Dear Gamzee,

Man, I am FREAKING OUT! My so called friend just found my hidden stockpile of Faygo and took it all away! I seriously don't have the time to get more! HELP! I'm going to die from lack of Faygo!

From,  
NobodyAlive

wHy ArE pEoPlE sO mOtHeRfUcKiN cRuEl DO:

dOnT wOrRy SiS tHe FaYgO sHoUlD aRrIvE wItHiN sIx To TeN bUiSnEsS dAyS!

Gamzee what do you think of the group called disturbed and do you hate Hollywood undead due to almost their similarity to icp i really don't like icp except for hocus pocus and another song from them and that's it everything else i don't like

dIsTuRbEd WaS tHe BaNd ThAt GoT mE iLl WiTh ThEiR MoThErFuCkIn SoNg 'ClOwN wItH tHe SiCkNeSs' :O|

aS fOr TrOlLwOoD uNdEaD tHeY aRe NoThInG lIkE tHaT rElIgIoN sLaNdErIn GrOuP

AND DON'T YOU EVER MOTHERFUCKING TALK ABOUT ICP AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER

sOrRy

i JuSt ReAlLy MoThErFUckIn HaTe ThEm :O/

:):):):):):):) hey gamzee would you ever maké out with your human version self from four chords

i ThOuGhT i AlReaDy DiD :O?

Me again Gamzee :) what up my best motherfucking troll friend  
iM here with another question revolving around eridan again... Can you help me plot a plan that will destroy eridans thinking pan forever plus steal all his stuff except his bucket he can keep those

nAh I tHiNk OnE oF tHe LaSt LeTtErS aLrEaDy MeSsEd HiM uP fOr AwHiLe

cA: nyeh! Wwhere the fuck did that stupid human go wwith my fuckin glasses

cA: i swwear to cod im goin to kill evvery last one of you!

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


	134. sObEr SeCrEtS

a TrOlL wHo CaNt ReSpOnD tO hIs FaNmAiL iSeNt WoRtH hIs MoThErFuCkIn SaLt :O)

Would you have red feeling for caliborn since your seen mostly around him and how are you being every where at once are you using aradia timebox or what evere its called :?

:O|

i don't know if you recall a motherfuckin cherub

WHO WOULDN'T ALL UP AND STOP SHOOTING ME

Haha! I saw those blushies Gamzee, you can't hide from a Leo ;3  
And karkats afraid of slenderman?! Wow! I can't say I knew that one C:  
So a question... Hmm... How do you feel about the fact that your dancestor Is pale for Mituna? Does it ever make things awkward between you and sollux? Or what about the fact that kurloz is red for Meulin! That Must have led to at least one awkward conversation with Nepeta!

my dancestor is all up and guarding a motherfuckin secret about mituna

SO I THINK HE'S DOIN HIS MOTHERFUCKIN JOB CORRECTLY

as for the other captor

I COULDN'T CARE LESS IF THAT MOTHERFUCKER IS ALIVE OR NOT

and i don't talk much with nepeta

WE DON'T MOTHERFUCK GET A LONG

got it? :O)

Dear Gamzee,

Well, A phone is... You know what? Nevermind... Oh yes, Now I remember what I wanted to say; I tried to explain to one of my friends about our messiah and miracles, But I ended up making a miracle destroyer DO: Though she is calmer now, But honestly, And forgive my language, She all up and goes Caliborn on my when I even mention anything that starts with a 'm'... Any thoughts upon this discussion?

And Equius, I believe that we are both aliens to eachother, But do trolls HAVE to be so rude while I am trying to discuss ships with dear Nepeta. Because, Honestly, I take that VERY SERIOUSLY. And I believe Nepeta does so as well. So I ask you very politely to refrain from CATnapping Nepeta during our conversations. Or to dear GOG Equius, I will ship you. I will ship you SO hard, With Eridan AmPURra, And yes, It will be RED. 33:

how in the motherfucking world

DO YOU MOTHERFUCKING MESS UP THAT MOTHERFUCKIN BADLY

cT: D fiddlesti%!

-cT faints-

Dear Gamzee,  
1st off I would like to say that you are my favorite Troll! Also I have to ask, if you could be human for a day what do you think you would do? Would you buy faygo, would you steal paw beasts, would you go to a circus?  
Love,  
(Drawing water on fire)

oH iD dEfEnEtLy WoUlD aLl Up AnD gO tO A CiRcUs

ThAtD bE mOthErFuCKiN mIraCuLoUs :OD

Gamzee,

CN: Aw...no rave party?  
CR: The dumbass is right, you two are getting way too addicted with this shit.

CR: Anyway, we're here to get...this...thing...GODDAMNIT, ERIDAN, GIVE BACK THE FUCKING ROULETTE NOW! IT'S NOT YOURS, AND IT NEVER WILL BE!  
GI: Eridan stole the Roulette again?

CN: Now...what would you do if your Kuro/Evil self came out of nowhere?  
CR: You better not be reminding me of that time with Kurokaniza!  
CN: Your insane, giggling kuro self?  
CR: *shudders* Yes...

CN: Anyway, if Karkat's there, I wanna ask...what should we do with two people who both like each other, but can't confess?

CN: I think that's all I have right now...

-Capricorn (and Cancer)

wHo ThE mOtHeRfUcK aRe ThEy

-cG enters and takes tC husk top-

cG: GIMME THAT SMILE FOR BRAINS!

cG: YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T ROYALY FUCK THIS UP

cG: YOU GO UP TO THEM AND PULL THEM ASIDE ASKING TO FILL THEIR RED QUADERNT

cG: IF THEY SAY NO JUST FUCKING HOOFBEAST UP AND WALK IT OFF LIKE A MAN

cG: YOU CAN GO CRY IN YOUR HIVE LATER

cG: DO NOT

cG: AND I REPEAT DO NOT

cG: LET THEM SEE YOU CRY

cG: IT'LL JUST BE HELL FOR THE BOTH OF YOU.

~sTaY hOnKIn :O)


	135. fRiEnDs AnD fEtIsHeS

iTs GeTtIn HoNk In HeRe

sO tAke OfF aLl YoUr ClOtHeS ;O)

WANTED NEW MORAIL MY EX MORAIL BETRAYED ME BY SPREADING RUMORS ABOUT ME JUST TO GET WITH MY MATESPRIT AND NOW THEY BOTH HATE ME CAUSE OF THE RUMORS MY EX MORAIL SPREAD :ANY OF YOU GUYS WANNA BE MY NEW BEST MORAIL

gA: I Could Be Your Moirail, Darling!

Er1dan yOu are a d1sgrace to us seadwellers! YOu do not deserve the name the Aquar1us e1ther. -takes weapon away- lady fefer1 just g1ve me the word to d1spose of th1s 1d1ot for you and landweller gamzee...n1ce job off letters keep up the work...for your reward 300000 crates of faygo and soper slime. Good day to you all V.V

cC: NOW BAIT JUST A MINU-ET

cC: eridan mig)(t not be t)(e nicest troll

cC: but t)(at doesn't mean you can be mean to )(im!

cC: )(e's a good

cC: NO

cC: an exs)(ellent friend!

cC: and you s)(ould be as)(amed of w)(at you just did

cC: or so kelp me cod

cC: if you verbally attack anemone of my friends again

cC: i as)(ore you there will be s)(ell to pay!

-tC is crushed by the crates of sustenance-

Ooh gamzee yur the best troll i ever kno (next to equius) my question is what are all the trolls turn on spots besides horns and karkat being called cute what else is a turn on spot 3

gC: 1 L1K3 3ROT1C 4SPHYX14T1ON :]

tA: two pun2 are hot

aC: :33 I like back rubs!

cC: fin play 38D

aT: dOMINATION };)

gA: Blood Play

aG: roleplaying ;;;;)

cA: s&m ;)

aA: necr0philia

cT: D bdsm

i LiKe It WhEn ThEy ToUcH mY hOrNs

HONK ;O)

~sTaY hOnkIn


	136. tHeIf Of StUfF

i WaNnA mAkE lOvE wItH tHiS ClUb (HEY)

wItH tHiS CluB (HEY)

wItH tHiS CluB (HEY)

wItH tHiS cluBbB! ;O)

Wow, very good names you guys. And Sollux, Eridan's was actually very good, so shut your mouth before I nail it shut. ;)  
Anywho, some questonions! Wait, what the hell? Onions? Where'd I get onions from? Whatever, I ahev better things to do.  
1. Okay, behind this big black curtain, I have someone's ancestor. If you can guess correctly who it is, Gamzee, then you get this. *points purple cane at a large locked box* Inside is a Faygo fountain, which when you set it up correctly, you can swim in Faygo for however long you want! Choose wisely, but I will give you 2 hints. One of the most daring of all of the Ancestors, but still forgave everyone for what they did. They were one of the shortest Ancestors.  
2. Okay, this is for my fellow humans. Hey John, what's up?  
Rose, I double-dog dare you to go kick (in your opinion) the most annoying of the trolls in the face (if it's more than one, smack them across the face).  
Jade, how's being part dog working for you?  
And Dave, how'd that kick feel? Not good, I'll bet. Oh, and by the way, you are my least favorite human, and you can't rap worth shit. How about some ice for that burn, bro?  
3. Enough messing around, last question. *runs around and swipes Karkat's sickle, Aradia's stuffed wool-beast, Tavros' stuffed Rufio Tinkerbull, Sollux's glasses, Nepeta's hat, Kanaya's chainsaw, Terezi's cane and glasses, Vriska's journal of Mindfang, All of Equius' clean towels, Gamzee's clubs, Eridan's cape, and Feferi's googles* Think you can catch me? Let's see then!  
Oh, here, for Aradia. *pushes over horror novels from Earth* Check 'em out!

iS iT tHe SuFfErEr?

i AlL uP aNd WaNt ThAt DaMn FouNtAiN! :ODD

eB: ehh nothing much :B

tT: i honestly don't think any of them are all that annoying

gG: it has its advantages

-gG licks a still-in-pain tG-

tG: uggggghhhhhhghghgh

cG: HEY GIVE THAT BACK YOU STUPID HUMAN! I NEED MY FUCKING SILCKES

aA: 0h

-aA recives book-

aA: thank y0u

aT: uHHH,,, nO COME BACK WITH THAT ITS MINE!

tA: get reeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal tiired of your 2hiit, guy2.

aC: :33 equius! They stole my hat!

cT: D my towels!

-cT runs after dS-

gA: Dammit!

gA: How Did They Even Get In Here?

gC: OH NO YOU DON'T!

gC: 1 W1LL H4V3 JUST1C3!

aG: hey! Give it 8ack you low life scum! ::::(

mY mOtHeRfUcKiN cLuBs!

I WaS gOnNa AlL uP aNd MaKe LoVe WiTh Em!

cA: that's it!

-cA pulls out Ahab's crosshairs-

cC: go get t)(em eridan! 38O

-cA shoots harpoon at dS catching on their pants to make them trip then cT catches up to them and body slams them-

wOoP! :O)

Hi gamzee excuse the last crazy review from my friends it was awkward for me and probably to you...what is the deal with people for eridan seriously?:0? but funny how they steal his classes :0)  
How adorable can your grub self get and you ? Karkat what would you do if i called you cute and a genius at quadrant advice? :0)

-cG retrieves his sickles and blushes-

cG: SHUT UP!

cG: DON'T MAKE ME USE THESE!

~sTaY hOnKiN :O)


End file.
